Hello,
This is very strange for me but I really do not know where else to go or who to ask. This could just be super high anxiety manifesting in an odd way. It is not PTSD, as I understand it, but I am terrified. Right now I am too scared to even leave my desk for fear of an episode. In fact typing it right now is causing an 'episode'.
I have not served in the military. I was abused emotionally and physically by my mother. I left home at 19 married a great man and have had a very successful career.
Anyway, the past week of so, I've been having the same type of nightmares - almost a continuing story but it's not a story I can remember or tell. It's images, its doing things, things are out of place, out of size, super colorized - no I don't take any drugs or medication and yes one glass of wine about 6pm. The dreams make no real sense but it's like I'm at work but its so alien.
The terrify part of this was this morning, this has never happened to me. I had 'flashbacks' of the images or portions of the dream. The mind has a hard time deciphering the dreams and reality, I understand that but I know the difference.
These 'flashbacks' for lack of a better word show as the dream even though I am awake. I was doing my hair and a 'movie' of the dream played. It is so disruptive, I had to lie down on the floor. My heart was racing, my body shaking, felt like I was going to throw up, as if this event was real. This happened 4x's to me while I was getting ready for work. After I "recover" I can not remember what the movie was only vague idea or 3 or 4 words that describe my feeling.
I carpool (thank goodness), while driving to work I had another episode. The street we drive everyday was in my dream. Then another happened talking with a co-work how has night terrors. While asking her if her night terrors present as 'flashbacks' I had another one. I had to sit down before I fainted or vomited. She is in my dreams and so is her office area but again it is not the same size or color but it's her work area. As noted in the first paragraph even writing this I heard a voice and it triggered a movie. Smells also can trigger.
I got up at 5am it's now 9am and I've had 6 of these things. I'm terrified to leave my desk!
Yes, this appears to be anxiety about work - how do I control this? Yes I am a high energy, high anxiety person but this has never happened before. And I can find no reason for it to happen now.
Please, I am not comparing myself in anyway to anyone that has had real terror in their life and has PTSD but looking around the internet this forum was the only one where I found stories in the same venue as mine.
This is very strange for me but I really do not know where else to go or who to ask. This could just be super high anxiety manifesting in an odd way. It is not PTSD, as I understand it, but I am terrified. Right now I am too scared to even leave my desk for fear of an episode. In fact typing it right now is causing an 'episode'.
I have not served in the military. I was abused emotionally and physically by my mother. I left home at 19 married a great man and have had a very successful career.
Anyway, the past week of so, I've been having the same type of nightmares - almost a continuing story but it's not a story I can remember or tell. It's images, its doing things, things are out of place, out of size, super colorized - no I don't take any drugs or medication and yes one glass of wine about 6pm. The dreams make no real sense but it's like I'm at work but its so alien.
The terrify part of this was this morning, this has never happened to me. I had 'flashbacks' of the images or portions of the dream. The mind has a hard time deciphering the dreams and reality, I understand that but I know the difference.
These 'flashbacks' for lack of a better word show as the dream even though I am awake. I was doing my hair and a 'movie' of the dream played. It is so disruptive, I had to lie down on the floor. My heart was racing, my body shaking, felt like I was going to throw up, as if this event was real. This happened 4x's to me while I was getting ready for work. After I "recover" I can not remember what the movie was only vague idea or 3 or 4 words that describe my feeling.
I carpool (thank goodness), while driving to work I had another episode. The street we drive everyday was in my dream. Then another happened talking with a co-work how has night terrors. While asking her if her night terrors present as 'flashbacks' I had another one. I had to sit down before I fainted or vomited. She is in my dreams and so is her office area but again it is not the same size or color but it's her work area. As noted in the first paragraph even writing this I heard a voice and it triggered a movie. Smells also can trigger.
I got up at 5am it's now 9am and I've had 6 of these things. I'm terrified to leave my desk!
Yes, this appears to be anxiety about work - how do I control this? Yes I am a high energy, high anxiety person but this has never happened before. And I can find no reason for it to happen now.
Please, I am not comparing myself in anyway to anyone that has had real terror in their life and has PTSD but looking around the internet this forum was the only one where I found stories in the same venue as mine.
