Nothing Good To Move On To

[Friday]

, I do not wish to go into the details but my life is permanently over.

If you are have bone cancer and given only weeks to live,..
If you are on death row and your final appeal has failed and your execution date set...
If you are in hospital with burns over 70%+ of your body...
If you are trapped in a space station running out of air, and no rescue mission possible in time...

There are many many many things which could make this a (mostly) true statement. You could be in the process of dying, and there is quite simply nothing to be done. Here on this board we're used to feeling like there's noting to be done, when in fact, there is. Which means you won't have most us believing you that this is more than a feeling we're all very familiar with... Without at least the broad strokes, if not the details. You may not find empathy for your exact situation (or you may, there are a few people here who are terminal), but at the very least you'd find understanding. Until then, expect pushback. Because we're really, really, really used to feeling like life is over. Feelings are not reality.

 

[Chava]

Are you getting help?

Sorry you feel so hopeless. I've been there many times.

For me the hopelessness often attaches to my challenge of getting caught in all time (past-present-future all globbed together). It's really icky. I have thoughts about "It's always been like this" or "I'm ruined" so "it will always be like this" or "I can never get better or change."

Honestly, the things you list are mostly external. Many people have jobs, spouses, families, and are still incredibly depressed. I know it's easy to think these things are what makes life better. But I've lost stuff in the last couple years, as I've been healing, and out of no fault of my own but just circumstance...lost some work because of an injury, my best friend (felt like only friend) moved across the country. This has made me more depressed at times. So it's not a linear thing like "I get better, I get all this stuff I want" or "I can't get better so I can't get this stuff". But there is some correlation in being able to make progress in some areas through healing and that you don't just get what you think will help you from a point of giving up. It will not just land in your lap.

There is a lot to say for inner peace and happiness. I know that sounds sort of like bullshit. But I don't have many friends, no family, and have lost some work I loved a lot...but internally I'm actually feeling okay at this point because I'm working on feeling okay with myself. There are things out there for me that I can't even imagine yet.

Bottom line, I am not healing because I have something to look forward to. I am healing because I want to feel a sense of possibility. The stuff I look forward to appears in my imagination as I feel healthier, more connected to myself, and creative. From the perspective of complete shutdown and depression I honestly don't look forward to anything.

Are you willing to do anything to get unstuck? Some of us have survived horrid traumas. Being open to good support and anything that helps me stay present (vs in "all time" and hopeless thinking) has been very helpful.

 

[Changing4Best]

I moved 600 miles away to get something new in my life. Living in the city where "it" all happened to me was too much for me. In moving, I got a new life. Things are somewhat better. Therapy is also helping. New friends, new church, new everything just about. Same family though. That is something that is not bad though. The abuser is long gone and dead, so only his victims live on. Me and my sister and my cousins.

I see this post as confusing though. I just realized I spoke of the abuser in my long ago past above. My childhood in other words.

I moved away from later in life abusers when I moved. I had collected those, I think, due to the frame of mind I had been in there, a victim mentality I guess. I try not to have that attitude these days. I know it is like a magnet to potential abusers! I also protect myself from further harm by not allowing any new love relationships into my life. I had one good marriage until my beloved hubby passed away. I doubt anyone could be as patient with me as he was! Especially since the statistics state something like a 50% chance of divorce for most marriages these days! I don't feel up to taking the chance.