Death NZ had a mass shooting today

[blackemerald1]

How are you feeling now @bellbird & @Phoenix(not) - I hope you are getting some rest. :hug: :hug:

 

[Missycat]

My thoughts and prayers are with all those affected by these appalling attacks.
A very very sad day.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I got up awhile ago, and just thought about you first thing. I hope you are safe and all your friends are safe. My thoughts will be with you today,@bellbird.

 

[Muttly]

I'm sorry this is happening. Try to remember that you are currently safe. Practice grounding and self-care and know that we are all supporting you.

 

[MrMoonlight]

I hope you were able to sleep a little bellbird. I don't let myself follow news anymore if you are safe today maybe it would be a good idea to not watch TV or news of any kind today. I bet it would be difficult to escape but maybe just reinforcing the blanket fort, talking here and distracting movies would be good for your system. It's under enough stress. :hug: ?

 

[bellbird]

It's got me rattled too and I'm in Auckland. Deeply concerned that this kind of thing would happen in NZ.

Oh hey, I didn't know there were other kiwis here. Hope you are holding up ok :hug:
I know, it is just so so sad, and does not feel real.
This sort of thing just doesn't happen here. Not in NZ.

Just in case you are not watching the news (I know many people with ptsd do not). IT IS STILL NOT SAFE OUTSIDE, police is urging people to stay at home.

That is very thoughtful, thank you.

I don't let myself follow news anymore if you are safe today maybe it would be a good idea to not watch TV or news of any kind today.

Yeah, you're right.
I usually put myself on a news ban. It was just in hospital where there wasn't much to watch and sometimes the news was on. I actually saw this breaking news while I was sitting in the hospital transit lounge.

Thank you to all of you here for your support, and such kind messages. They mean everything right now.

How are you feeling now @bellbird & @Phoenix(not) - I hope you are getting some rest. :hug::hug:

I couldn't get to sleep for a long time last night, even with all my sleep meds.
I woke up cold, shivering, and my entire bed soaked through with sweat.

It still doesn't feel real.

I'm taking things really slow today.
I've been trying to eat and drink water and tea as best I can.
Lots of pillows, blankets, and soft teddy bears to reinforce my blanket fort like you say, @MrMoonlight .
Watching a romcom on Netflix as distraction. But I have to pause it every so often to put on some calming music and focus on just slowing my breathing and making sure I am taking deep breaths.

 

[bellbird]

(Note: I am safe, physically and mentally. Just doing some thinking outloud because that's what I need to do right now).

Events like this make me very scared of life. Because letting ourselves live... letting ourselves feel... means feeling... this.

Is it really worth it? To let ourselves feel?
When happiness is still so fragile and fleeting. When there is so much hurt and pain to drown it out.

My heart aches for everyone affected.

 

[blackemerald1]

Is it really worth it? To let ourselves feel?
When happiness is still so fragile and fleeting. When there is so much hurt and pain to drown it out.

I think it is - for a host of reasons.

We humans need to keep ppl around (that includes you) that abhor this type of behaviour and appreciate the fragility of life.

When we lose those ppl ,forget to care, take it for granted or are too frightened for ourselves that we freeze the good stuff out - anarchy and chaos happen. The terrorist wins. Everyone has a responsibility to prevent that.

So live your life to the fullest and allow yourself to feel happiness of which you have much right to feel, despite the shocking events around you.

 

[Wendell_R]

We humans need to keep ppl around (that includes you) that abhor this type of behaviour and appreciate the fragility of life.

When we lose those ppl ,forget to care, take it for granted or are too frightened for ourselves that we freeze the good stuff out - anarchy and chaos happen. The terrorist wins. Everyone has a responsibility to prevent that.

Yes--living positive lives is the best way to make the terrorists lose. I know that we have people on the forum from around the world, with all types of politics, religion or no religion, age, sexual orientation, gender identity, etc. And despite the dysregulation we bring to the table, this forum is a beautiful place.

 

[bellbird]

It just feels both so wrong and so dangerous to feel happy, once again.

The night before the massacre; my last night in hospital, I was having my daily evening conversation with the gentleman who would change the bins after dinner.

We would talk about many different subjects.
That night, it was about how safe and fortunate we felt to live in NZ where terrorism had no place.

Less than 24 hours later, 49 innocent human beings were murdered.

I feel a total naive fool, looking back on that conversation. How wrong we were.
But that's exactly the point; terrorism was totally unheard of in our country.

Part of me wants to blame myself, for "jinxing" this. But the rest of me knows that it is coincidence, not consequence.

Any event as this leaves a nation... the world... reeling and in shock. And us, most definitely.
We have grieved the impacts of such evil from afar in the past, today we leave flowers resting on our own land.

My hypervigilance is through the roof. I suppose that's to be expected.

I am so lucky that myself, my family, and my friends are safe. But at the same time, I feel immense guilt. My brain keeps creating mental depictions, where with a different combination of place and time, it is us that were there.

I really hate my brain sometimes.

 

[blackemerald1]

So this has happened in your back yard and you have a right to be shocked and disturbed by this attack.

However keep it all in perspective and yes, recognise that this is your brain doing a lot of what if's instead of settling in the reality.

You are safe, your friends and family are safe. That's all you can do. The rest is up to all of the authorities to work through.

Everything that has been released to the media thus far indicates the authorities have arrested all of those involved and it was a very specific attack. So it would appear that there is no ongoing danger. That is the reality. It is coincidence that you were discussing the safe place NZ is. That discussion didn't put you any closer to the terrorists.

As shocking as it is and you certainly must be so shocked, the more oxygen you give to terrorists by being frightened, hypervigilant etc., the more the terrorists succeeds.

Rest easy bellbird. You have just got out of hospital and have so much to do and look forward to. :hug:

 

[DharmaGirl]

Yes--living positive lives is the best way to make the terrorists lose. I know that we have people on the forum from around the world, with all types of politics, religion or no religion, age, sexual orientation, gender identity, etc. And despite the dysregulation we bring to the table, this forum is a beautiful place.

Well said, Wendell, this is a place like no other!