Oh God I Am In A Total Panic!

[Iam]

Ok...I just posted in my diary and now am in a TOTAL panic. I NEED help. Please God send help.

 

[James B.]

My fight/flight mantra: Breath. Drink Water. If I can - excersise like mad. Then eat at large low carbohydrate meal. Take any needed meds. Lock doors, go to bed.

Your milage may vary...

Good luck.

 

[Iam]

Thanks James.....think I'll head down to the barn to clean the horses stalls, then plant the bell pepper plants I bought today to replace the ones the goats ate. Should help calm me down. I HATE this documenting of everything. I took a break this week and it has been so nice to be away from it. I forgot for a few days how totally bad it makes me feel.

 

[gdf]

My other post made nostalgic about my childhood goats--take a deeeeeep sllllllooooow breath--I would love to hear a goat story or two. Can you dredge one up for me?

 

[Iam]

Ok Gina,
Last year our one off our does was kidding. I was video tapping it. She had trouble with the second kid so I went in for him. He was breach so I pulled one hind leg out & tied baling twine around it and pushed it back in. I finally found his 2nd hind leg, pulled it out, then used the twine to pull the 1st leg out. It took so much muscle to pull the little guy from his warm womb. He wasn't breathing and I felt so bad, but then.......I saw that his heart was beating! I cleaned him up, rubbing and rubbing him to stimulate him to breath. He took a deep rattling breath. He was alive! Kids usually stand up and start nursing right away and this little guy couldn't so I took him up to the house and dried him with a blow drier, put him on a towel on the heating pad and went down to milk his mama. I spent the next several hours giving him sips of milk between naps and helping him stand on wobbly legs. Finally he took a couple of steps..but they were backward. He came out backwards so he walks backward LOL! After his next nap and milk he walked forward and butted out easy chair looking for milk. Time to take him to mama. Bronson is still with us, strong and sweet.

I wonder.....will we come thru our new birth with such success? I hope so. I just need someone to help me catch that breath, nourish my soul, set me on my feet until I can walk on my own.

 

[Iam]

Oh and thanks gdf & James....."dredging up the goat story" & cleaning the stalls really helped. I am calmer now. Still hate myself for what I did, but at least I can breath ;o)

 

[Jade-]

I hope you're feeling better now Iam.

 

[gdf]

"I wonder.....will we come thru our new birth with such success? I hope so. I just need someone to help me catch that breath, nourish my soul, set me on my feet until I can walk on my own."

Yes, yes we will come through. We will breath again and I say this having been experiencing it these last few months and maybe that sounds a little smug in light of other's suffering here but I caught the baton and feel myself running easy toward the finish line of living with this thing--PTSD. I wish I could give everyone that feeling who comes to the forum but it is an individual feat for each of us to accomplish but it can happen. Keep running.

 

[James B.]

That is great Gina.

Shoulda added to my fight/flight mantra: *take full on cold shower*. I know, I know...it sounds silly, but for me it sure helps take the edge off (the adrenaline load).

Good luck Iam!

 

[Artista]

Wonderful birthing story Iam. Always a miracle to see life coming forth!!

I think we just need to recall that when new things come forth, it IS bad for a bit. It sinks down deep into us... the realization is something that shakes us to our core, yet, as we work we keep building it up so it does get stronger. Maybe the core wants to be tested. I find it reassuring that I survived the flashbacks and recollections so far. Yes. I am terrified still about the new stuff! Perhaps my mind is just building up to where I can handle it, like distance training. Just feels like a terrible weak spot at the moment we are feeling it in a new perspective or light. It deserves its place there for just a bit of time, then I hope we let its power lessen and can move a little forward.

Sounds like you are learning skills to deal. I am heartened by your progress and how much effort you have and how you ask for help when needed!! So important.

 

[Iam]

Oh Artista.....you are so encouraging both in your words of comfort and in your own courageous efforts to overcome the past. We seem to be on the same page so often. I was just thinking awhile ago how I have become terrified with many of the "new" steps I have taken, whether it be remembering or sharing. Shaken so badly that I have at times dissociated for days. Yet.....I have survived each one. Hard...yes, terrifying at times.......definitely, but I DO SURVIVE. Just as you so beautifully put gdf, bruised but not broken, cut but not hemorrhaging. Though I must admit at times I feel broken and like I am bleeding out. Maybe it's ok to get to that point so that we will reach out and let the Great Healer touch us.

You are all such an encouragement to me. Your practical advice, understanding, moving me to focus on something else and hope helps me continue. I pray someday, I too can help others traverse this rocky climb and liberating "free fall"!

 

[Sasha]

What a beautiful story about the birth of the baby goat.