You will be able to make a lot of miles on this journey, because you have a sense of humor!!! As ugly as it gets, there really are things to laugh about, or make fun of. Not in a self abusive way, but understanding that giving our selves a little break with humor, makes the next part a little less overwhelming.
Glad to hear you had a thought and feeling of making progress. Of feeling hope. And that you recognized it, shows that all the pain you have endured up to this point, does have an end to it. And you see it. And felt it.
Getting angry at our abusers is very healthy. We stop turning it in or on our self, and start pointing it at those that caused the pain. You are making amazing progress.
I hope your husband was understanding, I feel that he was. I feel like you will make a special event for him, and as we age, the date is just another day. When we celebrate, is special. Not the date.
And any scent, or sour hard candy, or anything else you choose, is used for grounding. Brings us back into 'here and now'. That's why some people pick and unpleasant scent, or a strong one, like lemon. And if you are lucky, you may also be soothed by the scent. You can experiment with different scents. And you get to have more than one if you so choose!!!
As time goes, the holes in your brain will be filled with healing. New thoughts, new actions, new ways to cope. Out with the bad, in with the good.
I enjoy reading you. While you do take this very seriously, and are doing some very hard work, you do find a thing or two to laugh about. People who don't understand, and there will be many, will think you are being self-effacing. Not that at all. We just learn that humor has it's place too.
Let us know about your 'scent exploration' and what you end up with. Glad you are here. For both of us. As I am needing humor in my life right now, which is good distraction too.
You got this!!!!
