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[Mandy Tad]

I am glad the EMDR has helped you. Hang in there, maybe if you see this as a reason it would help. Maybe not being able to get your meds today may be a way of telling you its time to not have them. Do you get flashbacks everyday? Be strong, if not for yourself be strong for me. You are my rock! You have been helping me much more than my psychologist. Hugs.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Mandy, you are amazing. No one has ever called me a rock before and I have been called alot of things.LOL. I am being strong. I am just having a rough day. I hate it when I feel weird. It does not happen very often. I wonder if it is a emotional flashback?

I am only stressed about not getting my meds. Before I joined the forum in Feb. I was a complete basket case. My doc wanted to put me in the hospital. She took me off of my anxiety meds which was aa big mistake. She was retiring and so I had to get another doc. I like him alot better. He is my husbands doc too.

My husband has parkinsons and lewy body dementia. I am now his caregiver. I could not go into the hospital The meds stabalized me and I believe in them helping me. I am doing so much better than I was. My husband was hallucinating and having delusions from his parkinson meds. he was accusing me of all sorts of horrible things. I was isolated and living in the toxic environment of where I got bullied.

We moved.And my husband got better and does not hallucinate and have delusions like he did. He has his good days and bad days. Today was a good day. I need all of the help I can get. My hmo does not have a group for caregiving.

So I am just now starting over. I have been through so much trauma. I am finally starting to get out of the house and get my nails done and my hair. I have a coffee date with my daughter on Friday. I am glad about that. I am so glad she lives so close to me. Mabe tommorow I will get the halloween decorations out and decorate the house. That is if I feel like it.

You are doing so much better than you were. I am so happy for you. I love being able to talk about what happened to me and to be able to comfort you. That feels so good. You are sounding so much better. Big hugs.

 

[Mandy Tad]

Thank you Gizmo, yes this forum has been very helpful. I am going to have a facial after nearly 8 yrs not sure when though. Yes get out all the Halloween decorations. Here in Sydney it has only started catching on since the past 3 years. Today is a good day for me too, I have my daughter on school hols so having her around the house is lovely. She goes back to school next week that is when I am scared and my thoughts get the better of me. I dont like interacting with people as what they say then starts to play on my mind and memories of the bullies come back. I feel safe being by myself at home.
You are stronger than you think you are. You have a very kind heart.

 

[MomOfTwo]

Many - so sorry about the claim processing. Insurance companies always reject and is PTSD not seen as a injury in Sydney? I have been rejected had to reapply. It is exhausting. I as well am pursuing it legally through civil courts and may look at pursuing it criminally. I was not a crier but at times find I cry so easily and when I hear about bullying it devastates me. My friends son killed himself because of bullying. Now when I hear about bullying it just worries me that it will never stop and that there are so many sick people out there.

 

[Mandy Tad]

Good on you. I too have seen a lawyer but the case will be reviewed in Feb only. Its too late I need help now. I am paying for my own treatment. A friend of mine asked me why I was pursuing it as most of the bullies have left the company as well. I told her it is not about the bullies, it is the company that supported the bullies and what happened was wrong. What happened to me at the new job was the result of the bullying. I have got support from a support group here as well as on this forum meeting people with the same situation as me has given me so much more hope. I am extremely frightened but I know I have to do this to move forward.
I hate being judged and I found this forum so good, no one judges me, I get support and help. When I was feeling down today and felt like the walls were all caving in, I came on the forum and read some of the posts and it calmed me down.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Mandy I am glad you have a lawyer. I wish you the best with the legal end of things. You say the bullies are gone, mabe something happened to them too. I mean mabe they got fired. I would hope so.

I am glad you are feeling better and have so much support. I think you are doing great for what you have been through. Big hugs.

 

[Mandy Tad]

No Gizmo nothing happened to the bullies, they just got better jobs and moved on. What frightens me the most is in the industry I am in there is someone who would know them and it scares me what they will say about me. People love to gossip, and that is so wrong.
Right now I do not go out at all, I prefer staying where I am safe. I went earlier in the week to see my physio who was so rude I came home and cried and cried. I dont like to speak with people as I am afraid I will break down and cry

 

[Mandy Tad]

Hi Gizmo, having a lawyer does not always mean it will work in your favor. I am dealing with a huge corporate and they can turn things with money. I am not hopeful at all. I just want to be able to erase what happened so that I can move on with my life though I know I can never be able to erase it. Every morning I wake up thinking I am going to work and then everything comes back. I have never been like this, I am trying to put this all behind me. I know I have to work through it and not erase it but the pain is something I dont want to take, I am frightened.

People see me and say Oh you look okay? you are smiling. It hurts so much as they do not know I mask it, I dont like showing people how much I hurt. I come home and cry. Yesterday my doctor said to me, see you are smiling now?? I kept quiet but inside I was screaming wanting to cry but I kept a smile. I cannot even be true to myself

 

[Mandy Tad]

Today is not one of my best days. My hand pain is not getting any better since the past week, I told the physio and she has just increased my exercises. I told her I could not do all of them, it was too much, if I did the exercises I cannot do anything else. She replied you just have to find time and do it. I tried yesterday but the hand pain got worse. She did not even care when I was telling her about the pain in the hand, she cut me short and told me to get on with the exercises! I kept quiet after that.

When she asked me later how was the hand pain, I said it was okay. That way she did not yell at me again and upset me. I dont know who to talk too.

One I have this pain that has been diagnosed as chronic pain but I recall seeing a doctor who once told me that if I did not get the nerves sorted out I would loose sensation in my hands. I am so scared.

One side the horrible horrible people at my old workplace, I still hurt so much Gizmo at what happened at the new job. I dont know why I could not be stronger. Oh My gosh I feel like I just winch all the time. I hate myself so much as I have no control over my emotions anymore.

 

[NarcSis]

Feeling exactly the same right now. Every word you've written resonates with me.

Hugs.

 

[Mandy Tad]

Feels good to know that I am not alone. Medic 72. Just feel like the anxiety is rising now, and I dont know how to control myself. Been reading posts to calm myself.

 

[Whirlwind]

Hi Mandy.

I don't want to repeat but I felt for you reading your post. Bullying happens. I worked with dysfunctional work groups and I was surprised at some of the childish mean behavior that developed between adults! When I say childish, I am not minimizing the MEAN part, it was truly shocking at times.

After doing this for many years....my personal conclusion is that this behavior evolves at the employee level over time, but the root of the problem stems from the TOP. I have yet to work with "healthy management" that has a culture of employee bullying (excusing a rare isolated incident that is immediately managed).

Leaving and not "fighting" your last job.....you can call it that way. I don't agree. I think your personal health and sanity is far more important. I advocated for one bullying victim once.... to be blunt they came to work for me so I could determine if they should be fired. This person turned out to be competent, professional with a great attitude - despite what she had gone through! I told the company she was just that. They fired her without my consent while I was on a business trip.

So, I share that story out of respect for what she went through, and the fact that she couldn't have persevered in her situation. I do not know your specifics of course but please don't beat yourself up over that decision. It was likely the best one.

There are great workplaces out there, I promise, I have seen them. As for your letter. Please don't. You are searching for understanding and acknowledgement (which any of us would) but you will not get that from the employer you left. Leave it with the dentist story, that is fine.

There will be another job. Maybe you aren't ready yet, maybe something there struck you wrong on some level. Doesn't matter. You will have another opportunity and if you are better healed from all of this, you are likely to make a better decision and find a great place where you can be happy and successful!!

Worrying you did things "wrong" or are making the wrong choices is normal. I have heard your words from others in your situation. It is confusing, you may have been misled and lied to if the company is concerned about litigation. Trust advice from friends, people that have no vested interest in your outcome.

Do not put anything in writing to any employer, past or present. Once it is "out there" you cannot take it back.

Vent here, vent safely but take care of yourself first and foremost!!!

I'm truly sorry you have experienced this. Whirlwind