Out Damn Spot Out!

[Bill Dickerson]

This morning my doctor called and said the x-ray they took Monday for the bronchitis showed a spot on my left lung. They had scheduled a CT for this afternoon.

I was a little anxious and I put a call into my T and left a request for a callback. Calling helped and she called back after the test.

This afternoon the diagnostic placed called back and said it was negative. I was a "little" relieved. I came to the conclusion though that I feel so numb that I really didn't give much of a crap. I was worried who would take care of my Mom but I only just exist from one day to the next.

Not much to look forward to, lonely, and so tired. Seems I just create a void in time and space. No one that I can call about maybe being sick other than my T. I can't even seem to feel happy about not being sick.

I feel like George Bailey sometimes except nothing really changes after I'm removed from existence.

 

[hodge]

Bill, I don't know you yet, but I'm so glad for you that that spot was nothing. Take care :-).

 

[Justmehere]

I am going to be a bit more blunt than usual because I care about you and I know you don't like it much when people say they are sorry for what you are going through and that kind of stuff...

So I won't say that, but I will say this:

I feel like George Bailey sometimes except nothing really changes after I'm removed from existence.

Feelings are not always truth.

The world and this forum would be deeply impacted if you didn't exist. We would be less without you. Just like George Bailey, but without the exception. You are not the exception. The feeling that you are the exception to the rule, is not true. The world would be impacted if you were gone.

You exist and you are here, and frankly, it's a damn good thing. I'm glad you are around. Really glad.

 

[Bill Dickerson]

Your right I hate the poor baby crap.

Feeling may not always be truth but unfortunately they can't be ignored or suppressed.

I often wish I could be Mr. Spock and do so.

Being numb unlike Mr. Spock seems more like I'm just scratching the days on the wall like a prisoner waiting to get out of the hole.

 

[Lucycat]

I am glad the spot was nothing to worry about. I cannot imagine how stressful it was waiting for the scan and the result. I also 'get' the lack of celebration. Life is tough.

 

[Tinyflame]

I get it @Bill Dickerson . But FWIW, I remember your help to me & was & always will be grateful as you chose to try to help. So my existence has been changed for it. Your cell being beside mine made a huge difference, or more so because you reached out to me & understood. So for my part I am very glad your test was negative. I would be honored to be a bumbling 'Clarence' for you any day. :hug: