Overcoming shame and finding self forgiveness

[watundah]

Two things haunt me.

One - I was in elementary school and very cruel to an animal one day. It was so out of character for me, as I absolutely loved animals, and still do. Obviously, I was in a lot of pain then, a child, and that is not the person I am today. I try to remind myself of this, but it still is a very dark spot on my soul. I would like to forgive myself, or at least dis-empower the memory.

Two - seems minor, but I still feel guilty about it. My grandfather bought special tickets to a show for him, my sister and I. I was a teenager and didn't want to go - so not cool to go to that silly show. I have always felt selfish and regret not going as it meant a lot to him. Stupid teenagers..Again, not the person I am today, yet it haunts me as a selfish way to be.

There is no life without regrets. Causing pain and suffering for others is a hard one for which to forgive myself. Any pointers on how to do this would be appreciated.

 

[Deadman]

Causing pain and suffering for others is a hard one for which to forgive myself.

I'm not sure you need to or should forgive yourself. There is probably no way you are going to convince yourself what you did is OK. Instead, try acknowledging your mistake, accept your responsibility, learn from it, and vow not to repeat it. That's the best most of us can do.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@Deadman is dead on. There's nothing to forgive here. You were badly hurt and damaged. You lashed out in the only way you could. Watundah, everyone here has done awful things. I have to say that I've done far worse. But when your thinking is distorted, and your feelings are distorted, through NO fault of your own, you have to accept that you did what some part of you believed you needed to do in that moment.

Feel compassion for that poor, sad little girl. She deserves so much better than forgiveness.

 

[watundah]

Thank you.

It is odd, I have done much worse as an adult, too, and for those things, I have found the willingness to forgive myself

I suppose the inner child still harbors some guilt and shame around these two things and I would benefit from some focused work there.

I aporeciate your help and reminder that this is available to me!