I'm terrified that if I let the feelings come, they'll ruin me and I won't be able to do the work I HAVE to do, let alone the projects I want to do.
I. Fear let’s me know something is possible.
Which means it’s a GREAT tool to use, if I actually use it, rather than just sit in fear or make fear based decisions (Doing A because I’m afraid of B, rather than doing XYZ to neutralize B : Like getting married out of fear of being alone, rather than 1. Learn how to dig being alone 2. Build my relationships so I’m not alone. & 3 Continue looking for love & partnership).
II. Possible & Probable are 2 different things.
Emotions don’t logic so hot, which means I need to think with my head, and feel with my heart, not shove all the work onto my heart and coast like a moron <<< A BIT biased, here, because I was damn near feral for several years. Living almost purely on instinct & emotion, and not training myself to think & reason, much less marry the 2; heart feels + head thinks = synergy.
III. How I use that / break it down
1. What am I afraid of?
2. How likely is it?
3. Brainstorming as many options as I can think of (both serious AND silly, really, lay it all out)
4. Group my options (best case, nuclear, ideal, advantageous, icky, etc.)
5. Probability > Action Plan = I’m not going to enact my worst case scenario grouping if it’s extremely unlikely. Nor am I going to sit around doing nothing, wringing my hands, bitter, or furious that I can’t have my ideal grouping (yet!). Instead I have a green/yellow/red sort of priority for how likely it is / how much energy & time I really need to put into it (probability)l as use my groupings as I can, as they make sense to.
So, just to start you brainstorming?
I’d say this is orange/red on the probability scale (because it’s already happening, it’s a very reasonable & highly likely fear), which means I’m not QUITE to immediate & drastic action required (like quitting school/work) but I’m nosing that line. Which means that it’s very solid that I start making changes in my life to neutralize the fear by changing the reality. So what are, say, 2 dozen ways to start doing that? Really. 24. From big things like working on emotional monitoring and regulation in therapy, to “little” things like spending 5 minutes a day drinking a cup of tea staring at the horizon? Serious things, like rearranging your schedule to balance hard/easy, necessary/fun, etc. so that you’re recharging between activities, to
nevergonnahappen but HOT DAMN! wouldn’t that be fun! Like a month sailing the Caribbean.
(hint: you may well find your
nevergonnahappen ideas, once given form, actually become quite achievable in the long term. To use my off the cuff example? A semester at sea. Or a study abroad year, plus a job at a dive shop, sailing on the weekends. Or, or, or.... Up to and including saving for and booking a holiday. Very few things are actually impossible, they just take a bit of time to make happen. So they may be impossible NOW, but become line items in your life in 5 years.)
Once you’ve got your brainstorming and prioritizing down and start acting on it? It’s amazing tip/trick/tool = Action kills fear.
