Overwriting? It Makes Me Look Nuts!

[Abstract]

I would agree too that invalidation plays a very big part for me.

 

[Sues]

I feel the shame part comes from past invalidation and programming.

You hit it with this. As soon as I read this, I had that light bulb moment!

 

[belong to live]

You should see my writing pad lol. Just before I started going to therapy all these thoughts and feelings started flooding out of me. I believe they are my locked up emotions as a lot of sadness, tears and despair usually come with it.

I thought I was doing ok but I was too busy. I had a day job, played in a band 2-3 nights a week, had a girlfriend who lived an hour away who I would see every other day and tried to balance time with my son and my house on my own. Something had to give...

I hit a downward spiral in November 2012 having meltdowns and both running and pushing away people and things I loved. These were the signs I can see now, that I was not coping.

Walked out on my job (Just got my stuff and waved good bye and walked out!).

Various band related meltdowns and then I walked out on the band as well.

Big meltdown which I played a part in, at a wedding which led to end of 10 month relationship.

One extreme to the other. Now no job, no band, limited money etc, but I feel it's something that had to happen.

This is what got me to therapy again and the realisation of PTSD. If it weren't for the feeling of being overwhelmed and losing almost everything, I could not have got the help I needed and the healing began.

PS. I have trouble keeping it short too, lol.

 

[Whitneys story]

I personally believe over writing no matter how we do is the benefit!

During the holidays I went and starred straight in the face of my EX! For the sake of my son we all dined in a very nice restaurant . OMG the maitrede sat me next to him.

The tape recorder has been running in high gear! I realize I need to transfer my writing to my diary and organize it! I just hope I don't tip over the forum.

On the good side I am writing my book! What a cluster fook! This is my year.
Hugs, Whitney