News Penn State

[BloomInWinter]

Part of my PTSD is because I did the right thing when I discovered my ex-bf was going to be put into schools to teach sex ed as part of his 'school health' internship and the university - my supervisor and his supervisor - threatened me with loss of my job if I told my colleagues and the students who were around him (several of them parents with young CHILDREN!).

They enabled him to stalk me at work, despite the police dept's help - and their Director & Captain telling them he was a sociopath capable of murder....and had been a suspect IN a murder when incarcerated. My supervisor told me I'd be fired if I didn't keep my door open during office hours, when he'd stand/sit outside my door and stare at me the whole time.

He was then, just a twice convicted ex-deputy felon pedo.

I forced them to stop that. It destroyed my brain and my career.

But...I have NO regrets. I did the right thing...and now that he's been caught again, for doing EXACTLY what I had told everyone he would do...I have been vindicated, but there is NO celebration nor good feelings about that.

My T. tried to give me a compliment. It made me feel like vomiting on his floor.

I stood alone until I screamed long enough and loud enough that it finally became a risk management issue. ...and THAT is where the rubber meets the road. But my university didn't learn their lesson. They've since put several pedos (both convicted before, and/or since) in schools, and even two in the Illinois State legislator for interships.

Get it to where they will be at liability of being sued. Forget about appealing to most people's morality.

 

[mamachick]

Bloomin-I hope you give yourself the credit that you deserve, that takes an incredible person to scream long enough. The city I live in is so corrupt that the rubber never has met the road, but I am working on it. I have probably also ruined my career, and if it were not for my children having to live here-I would have screamed at the top of my lungs. I am more of a fearful coward. I admire you.

The second cop in 6 months just charged with rape, the first convicted a couple of months ago. Both were only found out by accident-the state police had to look for the victims, because nobody will tell due to nothing happening except the victims being further assaulted.

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((brat17)))))

I was single at the time. If I wad my children then? I doubt I'd have done what I did, but maybe.

It did ruin my career. Several careers, actually.

My T. tried to say something positive about the whole deal...but all I've felt is shame at failing to stop him.

Now...I can see that I did do some good. Not that it matters to the children he went on to torture. *despair*

 

[Eleanor]

Bloom - you are truly truly my Hero. I work at a U and the fact that you got ANYONE to do something is amazing to me. I have come to see that U's are full of "hard cases." People seem to teach/get assigned to tasks that they are Uniquely Unsuited to on a frighteningly regular basis. Ak. The stories I could tell.

Please don't indulge in the irrationality of taking responsibility for things you have no control over. You did amazing work extending your "circle of influence" at YOUR work enough that you kept people safe there - other places... no power or influence means you have no response-ability or responsibility. Give that back to the people it properly belongs to. We come into the game with limited resources and we spend them as best we are able - sounds to me like you paid a stiff price for the effect you had. What else would/could you have done? Surely you are not regretting not hiring a hit man? Or maybe you are regretting not doing that? Would you really choose to embrace that? In my professional opinion as an ethicist there Are a very few human animals who "just need killing" but there are very very very few who are called to carry it out. And given the damage you took here - IMHO you are not one of them.

Brat17: I couldn't agree more: When we take on children the game changes in this way too - there are things that we Just Can't Do anymore. (jump out of airplanes, go up against sociopathic felons, that sort of thing.) At least ... not alone and without a big team and a lot of planning, and the universe often seems to fail to deliver the resources necessary for this kind of operation - perhaps setting up such networks would be a good long term goal. Or maybe we have and they just don't work so well....

 

[Girl3]

I agree with Eleanor - it is amazing that anyone did anything. Bless you for standing up.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I don't feel Like it's ok for me to accept kindness for doing what everyone should. It feels like undeserved praise, really.

I had no idea how rare it is for people to stand up against sociopaths.

Now, I wish I could go back to the days when I lived in the ignorant fantasy that once I got in the real world, rules and morals would matter.

Now, I'm shocked that it took me so long to see that the sociopaths rule pretty much every public arena and most private ones too.

 

[Eleanor]

I wonder if the difficulty in accepting justified gratitude (and this is just sort of idle curiosity really) is because if you DONT buy into the common belief that morality is about being rewarded or punished by some "powers that be" the temptation is to reject any praise for doing good whatsoever because it seems to "cheapen" it? But that seems confused to me too -- although in a much better way. If we think we ought to do right just because it is RIGHT, we ought to accept that the admiration and gratitude of those who recognize it as right is our "rightful" due. Yes? I mean the ONLY deserved praise is, well, deserved!:)

Rules and morals do matter. But not in the way people ordinarily think. And most people are shockingly bad at morality these days, IMHO, because they have been taught badly, if at all, about morality. Which is really too bad since it makes their lives and the lives of those around them Much Much harder.

I wonder how much of what goes on is a symptom of actual sociopathy and how much it is just garden variety cowardice and denial. I tend to think the latter - which doesn't make it any better, maybe worse actually, but makes it a bit more tractable. At least in principle. "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing" or something like that.

I take great comfort in this observation: "The wheels of justice grind slowly... but they grind exceedingly fine."

Too tired to be any more coherent than this tonight....:sleep:

 

[anni]

I think an awful lot of it is about being able to look at yourself in the mirror and mean it. You know you can Bloom- the damaged children out there you feel you couldn't save yes, it hurts horribly- you look around and wonder why everyone isn't bleeding from the ears and screaming instead of going for latte at Starbucks. Good Lord there's an entire socio-economic structure making dam sure they continue to do so, telling most the children do not exist, don't be silly, pay no attention to the little man behind the curtain. It's far easier of course not to, much more comfortable.

I really do get why it's so awful hearing that, that you did an awesome thing when it should just not be in a world where we all need each other so badly anyway. But BOY, you can mean it when you look at yourself in the mirror. God. I so much do not mean to disagree with anyone but if there's no such thing as altruistic acts then what are we doing here on the planet?

When I'm not feeling nice about those sociopaths and general narcissists out there I tend to refer to them as people who are taking up O2 which could very well be getting used by other people. I'd hand you a few extra tanks any day. :)

 

[Srain]

I've always been sickened by the reality that MOST people won't do anything when they see things happening before their very eyes. I learned that very early. Bloom, you have the heart of a Lioness, it's who you are, you CAN'T NOT respond. I believe this is why you don't take credit for doing what you have done, it's your nature, it's in your DNA. I'm grateful to know.

((((((((((((((Bloom))))))))))))))))

 

[Girl3]

I suppose that the same thing that predisposes us to PTSD makes us not want to accept gratitude for things well done. We want the world to be good and fair because it hasn't been so to us. But it is equally difficult to believe that we are capable of something exemplary, because we have believed that we deserve whatever bad thing(s) happened to us because we are defective. And if we are defective, then we cannot be exemplary.

Of course, that is just my opinion.

 

[Girl3]

I also think that the whole mantra of "accept people's differences" has a terrible toll. We accept things that are so far off center or mainstream because it is "bigoted" to do so. Tattoos are a lifestyle, cursing is a choice, swinging is a lifestyle, porn is a choice, "open marriage" is a lifestyle, IV drugs are a choice, - we have a hard time in this day and age of non-Victorian, non-Puritan values.

Where is the line if there even is one? Do we know as a society? I don't as an individual.

 

[Eleanor]

Oh Oh, pick me! pick me! I know this one!!:alien::geek:

There are lines. Our society doesn’t “know” where they are, because “societies” don’t know anything – only individuals know things. Some people in our society know where they are. Some don’t know, or don’t care that there are lines. Others know a few of them. Others think they know, and are mistaken. This is important because the lines are things that it IS possible to be mistaken about – they aren’t things we just “make up” like we do what particular words mean.

The rules of morality are not fixed by convention. Although how we express the rules of morality often is a matter of convention – so in some communities they express reverence and respect by taking their hats off. In others they express reverence and respect by keeping their hats on. In some places, you take your shoes off to enter a holy place. In others you keep your shoes on to enter a holy place. It doesn’t matter so much HOW we express these sentiments – it matters that we have them and act on them. It is nice to act appropriately for the community – but less important than having the right motivations.

A lot of people miss the lines of morality – or are confused about them because they are abstract. That is to say they are not things that you can point to – but patterns that you can learn to recognize. Like good composition in a painting. Or a dominant seventh chord in music. Or “balance” in a ceramic pot. The patterns of morality, when expressed as rules, deserve to be treated as absolute – although most of us are limited in our virtuosity at life, and so we can only try to observe them consistently – most of the time we will fall short. (Life being more complicated and complex than music or painting!) But the more virtue we develop, (so the more virtuosity we can express) the more nearly we can follow the rules. And it is not only the ability to follow the rules we need to cultivate – it is the wisdom, the skillful knowledge of how to apply them in unique circumstances that we develop over a lifetime too. So it is helpful to know the rules – and happily there are not so many that are absolute. There are a few guidelines as well. So here are the absolute rules:
Don’t lie/Be truthful.
Don’t steal/ Respect other’s property
Don’t break promises/Keep your word
Don’t commit suicide
Don’t commit sexual misconduct
Respect others (human or non) who have the capacity to act in accordance with reason (and yourself) as moral agents capable of deciding to do the right thing.
Apart from the unfortunate natural consequences that normally accrue from doing these things there is no “punishment” for doing them. The earth will not swallow you up. A bolt of lightening with your name on it will not be hurled. Really, nothing bad and “extra” will happen. Kind of a shame, really, but there it is.

The “imperfect duties” (because you can’t be doing these things ALL the time) are:
Don’t harm others (including animals)
Don’t be greedy
Don’t indulge in physical appetites to excess (gluttony, intoxication)
Develop your virtues

Notice that it takes a lot of adult knowledge and significant skill to live within these parameters well. It is perfectly possible to intend to do the right thing and just... not have the knowledge or ability to do the right thing ("I put water on the fire in the fry-pan Mr. Fireman - and then it just went all over the kitchen!" Wrong, but not morally so. Or "He might have lived if I'd known how to do a tracheotomy..") It is also possible to do the right thing, and be unlucky and have things go horribly wrong.

That's probably enough for here.:) Any questions?