Physical Scars

[femaleveteran]

My cutting did not manifest itself until after I got back from Iraq. I just had so much tension inside of me that the only way to get any relief was to cut. Like some daggone terrorist really cares if I defile my body right ( I am a catholic and cutting is considered to be defiling the body) Anyway, I have not cut anymore in the last few months and do not ever intend to again. I hope no one ever has to resort to that matter.

Alot of doctors are against prescribing a tranquilizers (Benzo's Specifically) because of the addictive quality but if you have walked in my shoes then I say that a tranquilizer instead of cutting is the most preferable alternative....whether the pills are addicitive or not (and it should not be if you only take them when you absolutely need them)

 

[Turtle]

I have very obvious scars on my wrists from being tied up, but those I can usually just say came from a baking accident (hit wrist on top of oven, they would look very similar, even most doctors can't tell the difference). Other scars I'm just used to and if people ask I just say they were from growing up (not a lie really).

However I hide the cigarette burns all over my body, and the ones on my forearms are the hardest to hide so I tend to wear long sleeves a lot (helps that I'm naturally always cold anyways

). I don't like seeing those, and sometimes will start crying in the shower if I see them. The other cig burns don't seem to bother me as much as the ones on my arms, maybe because they are the darkest/easiest to see.

However there is a scar on my neck from glass from an auto accident that my aunt died in when I was 5, when I am very stressed I will sit there and rub it, not scratch or anything but just rub. Usually I don't notice until someone points it out to me. That one oddly enough seems to calm me down.

 

[livergirl70]

My front teeth are wrecked where he smashed face against the kitchen unit and all the enamel has come off. I see it every day and I don't like smiling because of it. I have some self inflicted ones too but they just make me sad that I resorted to that rather than asking for help

 

[brokenchild]

I have a long scar on my back from belt buckles and lots of little scars from belts as well. I don't have glaring obvious scars though.

The fractured vertebra that didn't heal correctly bothers me most though. It gives me "perfect posture" and I get complimented on it all the time. I hate it.

 

[Grace11]

Yes. I was already in a bad place before my accident, but too exhausted and stressed to take time to see it. My mother saw it when visiting me about a week before my accident. I had been picking at my face a lot and looked horrible but I had no idea how bad it was. My mom asked me if what I was doing was like cutting and I was so shocked. But it was. I see the pictures now. I've had to stop myself from doing it again. I have scars on my face reminding me of that time and particularly on my nose. It took about 4 months to heal and had nasty, bloody gashes in it from me attacking perceived skin issues with tweezers. I do not do this anymore, but I do understand the mentality of falling into a trance while doing this, not feeling the pain until later, etc. It is so very bizarre to me that I could be labeled a cutter and it was really difficult for me to even type that. It is a hard habit to break.

 

[Grace11]

I also have scars from the accident...from gashes, stitches...I forget they are there until I am asked about them. I do not care about them. The emotional scars are the scars that hurt me.

 

[Vcircle]

A thought provoking thread. Mine are self inflicted so I am feeling less deserving to comment on them here after reading about everyone else's traumas. Some of the above comments gave me some peace, thanks for sharing. I also find myself absentmindedly scratching the scars and I have one on my forearm that is very noticeable - that one i scratch until it bleeds. Not a single person has asked me what it was from yet i know people have seen it. I look at it and see my deep pain and it makes me feel a lot of feelings. No one else knows my pain. I realised that at my last family psych visit I hid that part of my arm - it wasn't a conscious decision.

I look at it and the main thing i see is how deeply and quickly I can fall into severe depression and the lengths i go to to try and escape the pain. It is a reminder to look after myself and ask for help.

 

[goingonhope]

(feeling frustrated, disgusted).........

I've avoided this thread, simply due to its question; And this reality. Yes, I do too.

It's part of the right side of my face and eye now, changes entirely the way I'm use to looking and will ever look again, and it would clearly seem as if some of it remains as it does, due to a anothers choices of control and punishment. Sh't I didn't even know her, but apparently she figured she knew me and what was good for me. Could just scream and cry about this still to this day, yet have found myself needing to put aside, bury, forget, forget, forget and move on.

 

[Mina]

Yes. I have scars on my hand. They are actually very minimal considering the severity of what occurred. This is in part because I worked with an excellent PT/OT who specialized in hands, and was very big on wound and scar management. The other part is because I made sure to take really good care of my hand, following all her instructions as well as the doctor's. I see these scars now and that's what it reminds me of...that something really bad happened, but that I took good care of myself, and sought out others to help me do so, and it paid off. :)

(I was not always this positive about them, though...I have my therapist to thank for that!)

 

[ronin47]

I struggled with self inflicted injury for four years and carry a great number of physical scars from my ordeal. There is one on my chest that is particularly noticeable. Heaven knows, it was painful when my little three year old brother (my dad had kids with his new wife) asked me in front of my dad where my scar came from. I sometimes find myself thinking, "Man, if that scar was anywhere else it would be fine. Why did I have to make that cut right there!?!"

I think, allitherapy, that you already know this deep down, but I'll say it anyway. Those scars are, quite plainly put, a manifestation of the pain you were feeling on the inside. As you work healing the inner scars, the physical scars will become less consequential to you. I know that has been the case for me. Yes, it is still uncomfortable when kids and even some adults ask me where my scars came from, but I am able to manage such situtations the same way I am now able to manage my inner emotions, at least much better than I did two years ago.

Allow me also to echo what other's have said, that those who truly love you will not care about your scars no matter where they are. When someone loves you they look beyond your body and see who you are, as cliche as that probably sounds. Just as those scars you wear are about what you were feeling on the inside, your relationship with someone like your husband is what's on the inside, and what's on the inside is a person who's grown the stronger for the trials that scarred her body and spirit.

Suffice to say, you are not alone in this experience.

 

[allitherapy]

Thank you all for the input. While I wish none of us had scars, it's somewhat comforting to know I'm not the only one.

I think, allitherapy, that you already know this deep down, but I'll say it anyway. Those scars are, quite plainly put, a manifestation of the pain you were feeling on the inside. As you work healing the inner scars, the physical scars will become less consequential to you.

My scars were not self-inflicted, so this isn't exactly true for me. Processing through what happened to me has helped, but I'm not sure my physical scars will ever become less consequential. I'm glad you have been able to come to terms with your scars.

 

[ronin47]

Thank you all for the input. While I wish none of us had scars, it's somewhat comforting to know I'm not the only one.



My scars were not self-inflicted, so this isn't exactly true for me. Processing through what happened to me has helped, but I'm not sure my physical scars will ever become less consequential. I'm glad you have been able to come to terms with your scars.

I'm sorry if I misunderstood. Perhaps I simply make that inference automatically because of my own experience. Certainly the physical scars will always carry some meaning, but they don't have to mean constant pain and fear, they can at some point mean survival and tremendous inner strength.

Fun fact: In some parts of Africa scars are looked upon with great respect. They are a symbol of strength and courage. They mark someone who has seen many battles and emerged victorious.