Pity Parties

[anthony]

Pity has a time, place and duration attached to it. After reasonable / normal pity is expired, a pity party ensues.

 

[Red Feather]

Lol, perfect. End of story?

 

[The Albatross]

No way, do tell Anthony... which is it, putting a blasting cap under their butt and hoping to "kaboom" them back to a self assessment or sweet talking them as they continue to wander about wondering why everything is going wrong and they feel like crap?

 

[Hashi]

[Edited to add - re: anthony's post:]

I think this takes us right back to the beginning. But I can't go through all that again.

OK, byeeeee.

 

[anthony]

No way, do tell Anthony...

Nothing else to tell really. I think my first post said it best.

 

[Meadowsweet]

It's interesting how much of the original post becomes overlooked as people try to defend or express their offense regarding the use of the word.

The self-assessment that albatross mention, in my opinion, is something that is always useful and can apply in every situation and applies to everyone.

If there is a strong feeling, or no feeling where there could be a strong feeling, then there is room to for self-analysis of why.

 

[Shellbell]

I think on a forum dealing with PTSD and many of the causes of the PTSD, the term 'pity party' is always going to be an emotive one. It's one of those unspoken rules that it's okay for us to say it about ourselves, but is only ever going to cause a negative reaction when saying it about someone else. If someone uses that term about someone else specifically, then in my opinion, they are not trying to help the person, they are being negative, which will result in hurt.

At the end of the day, why use the term at all? We are all different, we all react differently, we all have different levels of strength and weakness.

If people were more accepting, there would be no need for the term to be used. I wouldn't use it on this forum. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone.

 

[anthony]

The points raised in the original post are valid, however; an additional argument not presented is that confronting sometimes needs to be harsh, especially in therapy. Choosing words carefully defeats this purpose. It also defeats the intent. The intent is to be as blunt as possible, no room for misinterpretation, no room for doubt.

Like I said above, Pity has a time, place and duration attached to it. After reasonable / normal pity is expired, a pity party ensues. Discarding it as derogatory or other, without looking at a complete picture in the scope of mental health problems, is also just as harmful.

 

[Shellbell]

I totally agree Anthony, but there is difference in trained counsellors who know their clients much more than forum users do - using the term, and un-trained people on a forum using the term. The term being used here could have negative consequences.

And untrained people don't know 'when' a particular person has reached their duration of feeling that way. Again we are all different.

I still think it is best not used on a forum.

 

[Philippa]

I'm sorry but sometimes telling someone they are having a pity party is no less offensive/judgemental than being told " you don't understand" after doing everything in your power to and being road blocked with negativity and self pity at every turn.

But maybe "everything in your power" wasn't actually what that person really needed, it was just what you thought they needed, and that is why it didn't yield the success or results you were looking for?

I find it a very human thing that most people seem to think they know what another person needs without even taking the time to ask them what they really need.

Pity has a time, place and duration attached to it. After reasonable / normal pity is expired, a pity party ensues.

But you are placing a time limit that you have decided is reasonable to every single person, and because we are individuals, not everyone is always going to have the same time that it takes to move past this phase.

It's normal for outsiders to get annoyed that the person isn't moving forward, but I don't think that means we get to say when they 'should'. That just sounds bossy to me.

 

[anthony]

Philippa, people don't typically place a time limit on their own pity party. If they accepted and acknowledged the issue to begin with, they wouldn't be having it. Kind of an oxymoron I think!

 

[Philippa]

But you just did place a time limit on pity parties in your previous post anthony. I was speaking to you directly, not about people making time limits for their own pity parties. I don't think anyone does that.

My point was that it's not up to anyone else to decide when someone else 'should' be over their issue.

I think acknowledging and accepting the issue is partly why they do fall into some level of self-pity. It is part of the grieving process I think.