General Please help. i need to help my partner

[New user]

Hello, I'd like to ask for your advice.

Iv been with my partner 8 months and I adore her. She has PTSD and CFS. From trauma suffered at the hands of a horrible ex.

During our time together we have been loving and attentive but she has reached a point of fear. It's not the first time this has happened in a relationship and she said I haven't done anything, but the nightmares have started and panic attacks when I'm in bed next to her.

I have spoken to her and she has now told me what is going on and why she has become distant, iv suggested different rooms but I fear that she will lose her love for me.

I feel so alone amd scared by this, but I think it's the best way to move forward. There is alot of other stressful factors in our lives atm, an extension and new jobs which aren't helping her stress levels.

If we move into different rooms and she has her safe space will it mean the end of us.

I'm sorry for offloading I just need to know someone understands.

Kind regards.

 

[Buddey]

New user. I understand your concern she will lose her love for you. I think it's a common theme when dealing with pstd as sufferer or supporter. You need to let she sleep alone at the moment if that's what she wants. I promise that that alone wont damage your relationship. It's even likely to strengthen it. you are in good company with being scared and alone. most of us are. Stress is part of the disorder. And stress has a funny way of spreading like a contagion. You seem like you really love her. I think just being strong and weathering the storm is the only option. I know what it's like to love someone the way you do. Do have to do what you don't think is best because it's actually best for them. I understand the paranoid that comes with going against your natural instinct in a relationship. Feel free to pm me anytime. I promise this whole thing isn't permanent It's not the end for you by just letting her have her own bed atm. But it will be if you let the paranoia, stress and loneliness corrupt the relationship and your interactions.

 

[Casey_03]

I don't think moving to separate rooms will doom the relationship. On the contrary, I think it will help. She needs her space to calm down, and once she does, I think things will improve. Be patient.

 

[Rag doll]

Hello, I'd like to ask for your advice.

Iv been with my partner 8 months and I adore her. She has PT...

When I read your post, I felt immediate concern for you both. I can not tell you how I admired your concern and willingness to help your partner. My first reaction, was that she may be concerned more about how this will affect you...she may fear your affection for her will end. Often survivors have intense fear of the people they love the most, and their reactions. It will be painful for you to see and hear the effect her trauma has had. Often survivors of sexual abuse, will fear it will have a very negative impact on your love and sex life. She may fear you will sit in judgement of her, or feel she was responsible for the trauma in someway. There is almost universal feeling of shame and guilt in all survivors, a feeling they are somehow forever marked and do not deserved to be loved. It would probably astound you that even survivors of early age trauma blame themselves. A very big factor is where your partner is on the recovery scale.... I could write pages and pages of what is likely to be going on with her.....but the best and most helpful suggestion would be for your partner to be seeing a PTSD therapist . Your partner needs a very specific type of treatment and a therapist who specializes in PTSD, childhood trauma, sexual abuse etc if she goes to the wrong therapist, it can traumatize her more . TRUST, is something survivors struggle with daily, and she has to have that trust in her therapist. Make no mistake PTSD survivors can be a challenge to reach.There are many pitfalls along the way.....the possibility of a survivor turning to addictions is off the page. The very first time I had a flashback, I knew if I did ever addiction known to man all at the same time , it would not make a dent in the pain. Her very life could depend on having the right therapist. it will be essential, you are involved for all the obvious reasons, in her therapy. Unfortunately I went through most of the most horrific flashbacks alone and I was totally unprepared for it, clueless as to what was happening to me . Simple things you need to do, and know would have made a very difficult time bearable. I want you to know how very much it would have meant to me to have a supportive person in my life, and if it is difficult for you at times, please remember this period will not last, and in the end she may have even deeper intense feelings for you. You may want to, check on amazon or any book stores you will find a few books specifically written for the partners of survivors, it will explain so much to you . Go on you tube and the web for a therapist here in Atlanta, that is well known for her work with survivors .....Kathy Steele...she speaks all over the country, and may be able to email you a list of appopriate therapists for your partner. Wish you both the best of luck . Please let me know if you have any questions I might could answer for you.