Please help me understand this state

[cybervera]

I have the same type of symptoms at the start of a relapse into what I call an episode. I shake, and have warm flashes. I can’t sleep and when I do my unconscious mind startles me to sit up and I feel uncontrollable fear. I am afraid to leave the apartment. It is exhausting and I feel like my legs and body are lead. The only thing that helps in a muscle relaxer, so I believe it is definitely anxiety. However, I also cannot eat so my state is exaggerated by lack of nutrition. Then the depression sets in… It is the same procedure every time it hits. The strength of the episode depends on the stressors. I really understand, it is confusing and scary… I am learning to not let my stressors get so bad that I snap, and then my recovery time is shorter. Unfortunately I didn’t listen to my body this episode and although it wasn’t as strong as the last one, I am just coming out after 5 months of not being able to work. It is so frustrating. I welcome you to the forum and hope it helps you the way it has helped me.

Thank you so much for sharing. It’s helpful to listen to other people’s experiences and how everyone name their symptoms/sensations/emotions. Because in the process of the episode or (ptsd migrane because it feels like this to me) it’s hard to understand what is happening. I wish you recovery and healing so you start feeling like yourself again

 

[Susan Jane]

Thank you so much for sharing. It’s helpful to listen to other people’s experiences and how everyone name their symptoms/sensations/emotions. Because in the process of the episode or (ptsd migrane because it feels like this to me) it’s hard to understand what is happening. I wish you recovery and healing so you start feeling like yourself again

Of course, I know how lost one can feel and without understanding from people who experience it, feeling alone and helpless is very scary. I am so glad I have support here on the forum, it has been a game changer for my self esteem and helps me build trust with my own intuition. I have had a great therapist for a while, so I was getting there. He is the first one of many that explained my struggle with trauma. I had no idea how deep it was. I was diagnosed with MDD and anxiety with phobic fears. The meds I was given for over 30 years gave me little relief. However treatment with electric shock therapy worked. The treatment is brutal, but I let them do it. He explained that the therapy changes the neural pathways in my brain. He said that my symptoms were not consistent with my diagnosis and depression was not the root of my struggles. I started to understand more about trauma and PTSD which made me choose other types of therapy such as somatic body work and Ketamine IVs … the Ketamine IVs and rTMS pulled me out of hell and now I am doing bodywork therapy not talk therapy. I did talk therapy for 30 years, and it was no longer helping. I hope that I can stay in a better place with all that I have learned. I will use Ketamine again in a year, should I get these awful symptoms again. The Dr was great who did the IVs. I wish you a healing path as well. Every one of us has to try things to find out what works, the road was long for me. I am grateful to everyone here for their posts and kindness.