Pregnant Vet With Ptsd - Help

[followthelove]

Thanks everyone for the supportive words... especially Med5 "Be gentle to yourself" - the VA is (shockingly) behind the power curve and there is literally NOTHING about pregnancy and PTSD. I can't imagine I'm the first female vet to experience this. I am going to the vet center and getting counseling, I just often feel all talked out, or frankly, that I don't want to talk about anything at all. My psychologist suggested taking some time off work, and my OB agreed - I resisted at first (damn Army work ethic) but tomorrow is day 1 of two weeks of leave... and I have to say, I already feel better. My OB said she might put me on sick leave for the rest of my pregnancy - the little voice in my head is saying "that's weak" - but weak or not I think it's what baby and I need.
Some days are easier than others - some moments are easier than others... I sure appreciate the responses though - THANK YOU. Feeling a little less alone.

 

[followthelove]

Thanks Bill :)

 

[Bill Simmons]

Truth is, all we really got is each other.....sure there is the VA and all that but no one and I mean no cares like we do. Try to enjoy the few days off...it's not gona last near long enough. Life is running 24/7.

 

[JarHed]

Hey FTL

Try to enjoy your time off. You've got two people to think about now. Being smart is never weak. It's good to have a 'work ethic' but you also have to be good to yourself. You deserve that.

Jar

 

[medic5]

FTL,
Take that time off and do something for yourself, that you really enjoy. When you take care of you, you take care of your child. No one on this website would question your work ethic you deserve that time off.Like Jar said you are looking out for yourself and your child. Think of all the God parents that little one will have :)

 

[followthelove]

and guardian angels... :}
Today is day 2 of what I have deemed OPERATION At Ease. This morning I realized that overall I am pretty unsympathetic to certain types of suffering. I overcame a lot to get where I am in life, and I've adopted the "if I can do it, anyone can do it" attitude. I've told people many times that they will never hear me say I can't do something, and I have little patience for "quitters". Today I realized this is an impossible motto to actually live up to, especially now with PTSD. I have to allow myself to say "I can't". My husband (also a combat medic) has been graciously doing all the things I can't do but refuse to admit I can't do, from housework to communicating with friends and family to making sure I take a shower every day, and so much more. I've been home since late 2010, and since then I've done everything I would tell my soldiers to do - gone to counseling, etc. But I've put so much energy into coming up with reasons why I don't have PTSD, or why it's not as bad as for other people, or how I can manage PTSD, work full time, take 15 units at school, and be pregnant. And then beat myself up when I feel like I'm climbing a mountain of quicksand. "over there" I put so much out of my mind so that I could charlie mike... I think I thought I could just keep doing that. And I think being faced with the... fragility? transience? of life has given me an intense need to not miss anything. I feel withdrawn and unable to manage a bunch of relationships right now, but I also feel incredible guilt for not nurturing those relationships. There were so many people who didn't get to come back and hug their children, their families, their friends. I'm here, surrounded by all these blessings.... it's very difficult to drown out that little voice saying "WTF is wrong with you?"
So today is a baby step... I'm going to work on saying "I can't" and be ok with that. And, if all else fails, my dog doesn't think there is anything wrong with me. In fact she thinks I'm the greatest thing since jerky treats.

I can't tell you how... um... normalizing (?) it is to come on here and say what I'm really thinking and get the warm and supportive replies. Thank you!

 

[medic5]

We got each others backs. Its nice having more C medics to talk to.

 

[JarHed]

We got each others backs

Hey FTL

I'm a pretty driven person. I would help anyone that was in need, but sometimes don't know when that's me. Don't know how to ask for it either. Still workin' on that one.

My dogs don't care a wit about anything except that they know that I care and love them. Too bad the world didn't function on such a direct and basic level. They always know when I'm not quite myself. They come and stay by me with a look that says,'it's OK, we're here now'. Can't tell you how much it helps at times.

Jar

 

[followthelove]

M5 - nice especially to have another female C Medic :)

Jar - I know EXACTLY what you mean. Always the caregiver, it's hard to ask for or accept help, especially from the people you feel you should be taking care of. I was reminded today that people are stronger than I give them credit for. If they are offering to help, they can handle it - I just have to let them do it. In the words of Alice in Wonderland "That's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

 

[Jimmy1]

That is the story of my life and especially on this forum. I can focus and give advice and information to those suffering, but when I am having a bad day or am plagued by something, I have no idea what to do.

FTL, that is another thing I am very guilty of, Margaret offers to do things for me all the time, she tells me to either go to my man cave or even take a chill pill and have a rest, I feel guilty. My therapist said I have to give myself permission to rest and have a nap, or even take some time out. I am sure Margaret will let me know if I can do anything for her.

And FTL, I don't know how your hubby is coping, its bad enough living with just a pregnant woman, let alone one with PTSD. Your probably just an exception to the rule and are probably a really nice person. No mood swings, no anger. :whistle:

 

[Bill Simmons]

One thing about getting older, I am 64, one finds out you really can't do that. It sucks. I am trying to find out " will you still need me, will still feed me, when I,m 64.HaHa Trying to sort out what problems are caused by PTSD and what is just getting older has been a problem. Trying to find out what I can and can not do is even a bigger problem. If you take the military serious you develop a can do frame of mind. So now that can do mindset needs to be directed to digging down deep to do what you need to do to survive PTSD. It's PTSD, you been shot in the head by your own body as a reaction to what you saw and did. Do not think for one second you are not sick.

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey FTL, I had a session with my therapist today, he said to check out SAMe well something like that, here is the link.

Link Removed