Previous Drug Habits And Medication

[anonymous]

I suffered with depression as a teenager and started taking illegal drugs age 15, and that made everything seem better (depression eased). But, I got into a violent relationship at 17, he started dealing and I was surrounded by violent people.

When I walked out, I decided all the abuse was due to me taking drugs. I took anything that was going, coke or rock was regular, but amphetamines is what I took daily.

17 years has passed since I took illegal drugs, but sometimes I would like to have a pill that I could depend on to make me feel better. And this is the reason why I've refused prescribed medication, and why I won't go to my GP if life is getting difficult.

I'm just wondering if anyone has any knowledge of this. Am I making life more difficult by avoiding medication? Or is it best that I do? (I've never had the courage to tell my GP or my therapist why I worry about medication - I'm ashamed of my druggie days)

 

[DharmaGirl]

I started using street drugs at age 13. I quit at 16. I worry all the time about using meds, but I don't have any addictive behaviors. I take chronic pain meds, but I am weaning myself off those.

I don't know that I could heal emotionally without the meds I take. I wouldn't be able to sleep, I'd be having constant flashbacks, I'd be startled by everything and screaming.

The other side of this is that there is no pill that will make you feel better. Meds help with the symptoms, and that will make you feel better, but not in the way street drugs make you feel great.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

The same old aregument goes...

If you were a diabetic, would you refuse insulin? If you had a heart condition, would you refuse heart meds ?

Don't die by your principles. Or however that saying goes. You know, the kind of people who live and die by "the principle of the matter" even if it's totally effing them over.

 

[fly away home]

I am currently experiencing exactly this. My therapist and GP both know my drug history, my GP understands my fear and has supported my decision to try to cope without but my therapist (who probably has a much clearer picture of how things are for me) has been pushing for me to use anti depressants. I have been nervous to say the least!

Somehow I am quite ok with taking Valium because I am so aware of addiction and so scared of it that I am more comfortable taking something occasionally, as needed than I am with something which i would have to take every single day.

BUT as of yesterday I have begun on zoloft. I am still not entirely sure if I will continue with it but it has reached a point where I was getting so low that it was necessary. I am scared most of all of getting off the zoloft when it is somehow deemed that I am able to cope without it. I am cynical and paranoid about using drugs which will change the way my brain works while I am trying to learn how to change the way my brain works to then to have to re learn once I am without drugs.

I try not to be ashamed of my drug use, I try to be proud that I am now clean, some days it works other days the shame creeps back in.

 

[DMerish]

I understand where you're coming from although I've been brought there from the opposite direction. I was strongly adverse to taking any medication because my mother was hit by a teen driver high on drugs and alcohol. I went way far in the opposite direction - it cut me off from understanding some things about people in general. I understand why people are attracted/become addicted to drugs now and have been inclined to "go there" myself after a few negative events in my life.

The thing is, people will sometimes make a decision at one point in their life that serves them well at that point in their life. Sometimes those decisions are made very simply and in a black-and-white manner, i.e. I will not take drugs and I won't be around people/and environment where illegal drugs and violence is practiced. It seems to me at times those types of decisions have to be made in that manner so as to move on . . . That worked (at the time), but that was then and now is now, and you and I are not entirely the same people.

The connection your brain made seventeen years ago associated drug use as "bad" and, therefore, something to avoid. You/I are now older and more mature. We can think through situations better and more logically than before.

You realized previously that being part of an environment in which illegal drug use is practiced isn't good for you (probably on many levels). However, you're still dealing with depression or some other issue(s). And you're wondering now if legally prescribed drugs may help you function in your day-to-day life better. This last point is part of a mature thought process. You are not the person you used to be. You can now consider whether taking a prescribed medication might be beneficial.

I don't think it's necessary to tell all to one's therapist or one's GP; however, being honest with yourself is of foremost importance. If you believe that prescribed medication may be helpful all you need to do is to talk with therapist or GP about what you're dealing with now (i.e. why you'd like to try medication) and that you're concerned about possible long range addition. Doing so will alert them to your concerns and help modulate what's prescribed and dosages.

You'll still need to be quite aware how/if meds are affecting you so that the scale isn't tipped negatively.

In the past, I've taken an antidepressant when my moods/symptoms have become unbearable then weaned myself off of them when symptoms subsided. After suffering from a resurgence of PTSD symptoms over the last ten months, I finally asked my GP for an antidepressant a little less than two weeks ago (Zoloff). I'm already feeling much better and considering whether to simply continue with it for the rest of my life - as Solara pointed to - seeing it as a necessity to lead the healthiest, happiest, full life that I can . . . hoped this helped ;)

 

[Jenfa]

I went from doctors refusing the prescribe to me because of the drug past, to doctors begging me to take something and me refusing. There was a while I didn't trust myself with any substance, but I get that it is too extreme to say always or never. I ended up taking meds just to tolerate myself. In a nutshell, I was a crabby bitch that couldnt control her temper. I knew that having to take something that wasn't instantly gratifying would be a challenge for me considering how fast I like to feel better. I guess it's not so much about the speed of the better, but the quality. Learning the difference between quality and obliterated was hard.

 

[Candleflames]

Like you I have a past with drugs during my adolescence that I'm ashamed of and amphetamines was my drug of choice too. It's also something I still struggle with. I'm still smoking cigs, my coffee consumptions is way too high and I occasionally my alcohol consumption will start to head into the problem zone. I also still have cravings for the speed from time to time. In that way I fit the stereotype of the addict and come from a long line of addicts. I had this idea that I could become addicted to and abuse anything. It was my fear and shame of this past that kept me from taking meds until I was in my mid-thirties. I dealt with 2 bouts of severe postpartum depression without medication. For me at that time it was a very dangerous path and just by sheer luck did nothing bad happen. It wasn't until the depression was so bad that I had a plan to end my life and was ready to act on it that I sought out a psychiatrist and medications.

So what changed? First and foremost it was my desperation to not leave my kids without a mother and my desire to be a the mom they deserve. Second, I started to understand the difference between taking drugs to feel good (where my addiction stemmed from) and using medications as a tool and part of the treatment to help me get better (what I am doing now). For me therapy would be useless without the meds and possibly could make my situation worse.

While medications are indeed drugs, when they are necessary and used with the aide of a doc who has all the info they can be powerful tool to help you heal. There are lots of meds for depression and anxiety that don't build up a tolerance and cause cravings for more. There are also lots of meds that do so it is important that the docs have all the info. Even if it is explained sheepishly while looking at your feet. A good doc will understand.

I don't know if the medication route is right for you. It very well might not be but your drug history shouldn't prevent you from exploring whether or not it is. It should be a major consideration about what medication you might use if you do decide to go that route. There are a few drugs that are strictly off the table for me because of my history. They would be just too much fun in this situation. In another situation, like a major car accident or a surgery, the process of evaluating and choosing the right medication would start over again.

You have gotten many great perspective from people on this thread so I hope it helps you arrive at some conclusions. I hope it also helps you find relief soon.

 

[Britt.f7]

I think you should be able to just tell your doctors about your qualms of the addictive capabilities of some of the drugs out there. That you would prefer to stay away from them. I think you could do this without going into your past.

I wish you luck. Taking meds was a hard decision for me,for various reasons, but I chose it because it helps me live.