Ptsd And Domestic Violence

[gypsysoul]

Let me just say that Domestic Violence (DV) is NOT a symptom of PTSD. As a veteran myself, with veteran friends, and as someone that works with veterans' families, PTSD is never an excuse to abuse a spouse or partner. It infuriates me when veterans expect to get away with hitting their loved ones because they claim it’s the PTSD that made them do it. That is absolutely ridiculous and please don’t believe that malarkey! There are lots of people with PTSD that do not partake in DV. It is not an excusable behavior. That is all.

 

[shimmerz]

There are lots of people with PTSD that do not partake in DV. It is not an excusable behavior. That is all.

Love this.

 

[EveHarrington]

Have you seen this here?

 

[Friday]

Yep. With one caveat; when a person is actively in a flashback or nightmare.

Same is also true for self harm, substance abuse, sexcapades, risk taking, guilt tripping/blame shifting, lying, & every other coping mechanism or behavior a person goes to manage symptoms or when losing -or out of- control.

PTSD Symptom hits... At that point it's each persons choice what coping mechanism they use to deal with the symptom; to hurt themselves, hurt someone else, get drunk/high, lash out verbally, etc... Or to use different coping mechanisms.

 

[gypsysoul]

@EveHarrington, I haven't seen it here, but I see it a lot working with veterans' families. I know there are some veterans' loved ones that look to this site for help/advice, I want to make sure whoever sees this knows that PTSD and DV are two separate issues.

 

[gypsysoul]

With one caveat; when a person is actively in a flashback or nightmare.

Yes, I hear you, but I don't find this to be the case very often (in my experience). If a veteran is hurting you, EVEN during a flashback, you should err on the side of caution. I wouldn't want to be with someone that had a flashback and then punched me every time nor would I want this for any of the people I love.

 

[Friday]

but I don't find this to be the case very often

Really? Almost everyone I know has hit periods of time where they have to sleep alone, because their nightmares get violent.

Just like everything else, there are steps you take with nightmares to keep the people you love safe. Sleeping alone. Removing all weapons or would be weapons from arms reach. Telling people that if they have to wake you up, to kick your feet -and be prepared to leap back-, but better to do it from a distance / do not close, etc. But that, to me at least, is pure PTSD. Unlike other things, where step 1 is pull your head out of your ass and find something else that 'works', nightmares are just something one has to learn to work around.

 

[Sighs]

PTSD and DV are two separate issues.

Isn't this a bit like saying "PTSD and alcoholism are two separate issues" or "PTSD and homelessness are two separate issues"? Sometimes they are and then again sometimes its a big old intertwined mess.

To be clear - I am not saying its okay to abuse your family if you have PTSD. (And don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about - I'm the child of a combat vet who self medicated with alcohol and at times abused his family so this isn't an academic argument for me.) What I'm saying is that sometimes one thing leads to the other due to a lack of healthier coping mechanisms.

 

[gypsysoul]

Just like everything else, there are steps you take with nightmares to keep the people you love safe.

I agree with this. It's hard for some people to discriminate between this type of behavior and DV. Some PTSD sufferers will claim they had a flashback, when really they just get upset with the person and choose to hit them. Anyone suffering abuse, should not rationalize the absuer's behavior, which they tend to do, unfortunately. There is a HUGE difference between DV and flashbacks/nightmares.

 

[gypsysoul]

Isn't this a bit like saying "PTSD and alcoholism are two separate issues" or "PTSD and homelessness are two separate issues"? Sometimes they are and then again sometimes its a big old intertwined mess.

PTSD and alcoholism are two separate issues. Just because you're an alcoholic doesn't mean you have PTSD and vice versa. The VA does recognize alcoholism due to PTSD, however, physically abusing your loved ones does not fall under this category. Alcoholism MAY cause a person to be violent and aggressive, but that's not because of the PTSD, that is because of the alcohol. PTSD does have symptoms of aggression, but breaking a bunch of dishes is different from abusing your family. You know what I mean?

(And don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about - I'm the child of a combat vet who self medicated with alcohol and at times abused his family so this isn't an academic argument for me.)

I'm open-minded so no need to get defensive right away, I wouldn't have accused you of not knowing what you're talking about anyway, I welcome any feedback whether it's from an experienced person or not. That's not only for you but for anyone who comments on anything I post.

 

[Sighs]

You're wildly oversimplifying this. Alcohol lowers inhibitions. Combat veterans with PTSD may - stress may not will - experience episodes of rage. Combine the two and you may be, as I was, the child who is having plates thrown at you. So no I really do not know what you mean.

I'm not sure why you are so resistant to the idea that abuse can stem from complex reasons. Not that there is ever an excuse, but there are always reasons.

My current partner - also a combat vet with PTSD - does not drink but when triggered he dissociates. So no, I don't think they are two unrelated issues.

 

[gypsysoul]

I'm not sure why you are so resistant to the idea that abuse can stem from complex reasons.

I am not resistant to the idea at all. Of course abuse can stem from complex reasons, but that's ALL abuse. Pedophiles, for example, also have complex reasoning for what they do, in a matter of fact, almost every behavior has complex reasoning, in my opinion (but what's that got to do with PTSD?). Domestic Violence and PTSD are issues that are not handled together. If a veteran is abusing their spouse, we encourage the spouse to stay away from the veteran because their safety is most important. No one should stay in a relationship with an abusive veteran (or someone with PTSD), because they believe it is part of the disease. Domestic Violence should not be tied with PTSD and it's very different from aggression. I see what you're saying, but someone hitting another person is about control and intimidation. PTSD is a result of combat stress, I just don't see how they're related. Some people are certainly pre-dispositioned for violent behavior and that can be for all types of reasoning (PTSD possibly being a trigger). Consuming alcohol makes some people happy, some numb and others angry but that's not a factor of PTSD. I am a combat veteran and I have PTSD yet I have never abused any of my partners. I have gotten very angry but putting my hands on someone would be crossing into a different territory, although I've thought about it.

My current partner - also a combat vet with PTSD - does not drink but when triggered he dissociates. So no, I don't think they are two unrelated issues.

And I get that, but low crawling on the floor and crying during a dissociation are different from turning on someone and angrily hitting them.

I'm not here personally judging you, your father, or your relationship, I don't know the details. I'm saying that for someone dating a combat veteran, they should not have to accept their violent behavior as a symptom of PTSD from going to war. People can have various other issues in combination with PTSD. Some people that join the military come in with serious unseen issues, that doesn't mean once they see combat, now all their issues fall under PTSD, that is just not the case.