Ptsd And Lady Troubles. Or As I Like To Call It Ptms

[Foxglove]

So, I have mentioned before that I have my ups and downs. PTSD, depression, and anxiety are always lurking in my brain and causing me problems and sometimes I can go crazy or get suicidal even when it's not that time of the month. But my absolute lowest of the lows comes the week before my period. I call it Post Traumatic Menstrual Syndrome. I must have started PMS'ing today because it's unmistakable how low I am. When I am experiencing pms it seems to amplify my ptsd greatly. I had a couple of low points this past week, but not suicidal. Today, the non stop repetitions of my trauma have been playing in the loop in my head all day. They are always there, really, but when I pms they are amplified much worse. And then the uncontrollable suicidal thoughts feelings and ideation come in full force.

I'm not saying I am gonna commit suicide. But now starts the hell of the week where I am feeling suicidal all day everyday and fighting every day just to stay alive and not die like every fiber of my being wants me to. My mind wants me to. I took 2 klonopin earlier thinking it would help my mind rest and get some sleep so I don't have to feel this. Well, I lay in bed in the dark for an hour and imagined exactly how it will all go down IF I kill myself. I know when, where, and how.

I also cry uncontrollably the week before my period. Sometimes I feel like I'm going psychotic. I don't think I am truly psychotic, I just go so crazy it FEELS that way. I am preparing for my battle this week as it has made itself clear today that it has started. Does anyone else feel their ptsd intensify, amplify, and even explode while pms'ing? I mean the crying, suicidal ideation, and uncontrollable thoughts are at top maximum capacity. It is all I can do to not go insane. I just took another klonopin. Hopefully 3 is the charm to help my mind stop being a monster and go to sleep. I will try to go to bed again shortly if this klonopin kicks in and I sure hope it does. Tomorrow will be more of the same. My pms always lasts a week. The week of hell.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Yes. It's good that you are recognising what is happening though, because then you can tell yourself to wait to see how you feel in a couple of weeks.

The other thing I have found, is that the thoughts and feelings of that week do sometimes run over because I am depressed at having felt that way for a week, or because the thoughts take a while to subside. But I am getting better at noticing when a new day starts and when a new feeling starts, and letting it until next time.

 

[Foxglove]

We can do it Meadowsweet, but it's not gonna be easy.

 

[Ryn]

Yep, all of that is far too familiar, I'm afraid. :(

Have you heard of PMDD? I've had two psychiatrists suggest I am probably suffering from it in some way or another. I've always had a crap time with PMS and periods in general, physically and emotionally, and certainly I've found PTSD amplifies that to an extreme.

So sorry you're feeling this way. Take care of yourself and remember once this awful time of the month passes you might start feeling a little better. :hug:

 

[Lucycat]

I got this too, but I went and discussed it with a lovely lady GP who knows all about my Complex PTSD and also my infertility. She really surprised me by suggesting the contraceptive pill. I don't need it for contraception after all, but it has been terrific at evening out the hormonal fluctuations. I take it every day - no break, no withdrawal bleed.:cool: ( for me it never was monthly - simply random so I could only ever interpret the moods retrospectively.)

I have now been taking it for about 3 years, and only wish I had known sooner that it was an option.

 

[yoshixvx]

I have PMDD as well as Endo (infertility too), and hormonal issues definitely influence PTSD!! I have been dealing with this all of my life, and some things that have helped me are:

1. Charting your cycle so that you know when to expect issues and recognizing that they may influence your emotions and behaviour
2. Make yourself a PMS box.. kind of like a grounding box, but with things like tea (Raspberry Leaf is my fav), soothing music, a hot water bottle, Midol, Epsom Salts, a stuffed animal, or whatever else you can think of to self-soothe
3. Try to hold off on making any important decisions before and during your period (relationship direction, job issues, etc)
4. Sit with your emotions. Don't allow them to take control but don't ignore them either. A great book on this topic is "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron
5. Recognize that in 5-7 days, things will get back to "normal" and you can resume your life. It's difficult to see the end sometimes when our hormones are piloting everything.. and sometimes it's downright brutal. I guess the silver lining is that there are medications (BCPs, SSRIs), and ways to cope - talk to your doctor if these things don't help/in conjunction with these suggestions.

Hope this helps someone :)

 

[maryel42]

I found that my emotions went totally apeshit for the 36 hours just before I ovulate. When my husband deployed the first time I got a handle on it, because I went back one day and saw the email trail. twenty of them, in varying degrees of crazy.

As far as symptom levels, I found that after many years of being aware of them on a constant basis, my really suicidal moments and dark depression were easier.

Not as far as less intense, they were easier because I could identify them as distortions.

Didn't help the 'normal' level of frequency, but I could tell when it was hormone triggered, and that did help.

 

[Foxglove]

Thanks everyone. I'm glad I'm not alone. I have heard of pmdd and wondered if that's what it could be, but it is so tied into my ptsd I didn't know. I will continue to remind myself that it is only a week and will soon be over. As far as contraception pills go. I know this sounds stupid, cause I'm 33, but I'm terrified of going to the gyno. :x3: I really do know that I need to get over this fear and go for my health and other things. Is anyone else terrified? I'm also afraid of contraception pills, but it can't hurt to at least talk to a doc about it and weigh my pros and cons, I guess.

I LOVE the PMS box idea. I am definitely making one of those. It sounds like it will be fun to put together, not to mention very useful in times of need.

 

[maryel42]

The pill was good for me, mostly, but they aren't all created equal. I think that it might be a good option. obgyn docs are often very sensitive to women who have major fears and anxieties, just be upfront with them that you have the fear. (for me it was a history of sexual abuse)

at the very least the pill will regulate your cycle so that it's easier for you to tell if the mood shifts are "you" or a product of your emotional state.

 

[Foxglove]

Thanks again!