Childhood Ptsd Due To Narcissistic Abuse

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I've experienced many different types of trauma but for me, the narcissistic abuse I experienced was one of the worst. I know trauma cannot be graded or ranked, but there are certain things that have deeply affected me and some that haven't - there are also some that did at the time but I was able to process easier. The narcissistic abuse I experienced from birth has meant I do not have the same perception of life as others - it has profoundly affected me, my development and my personality as a result, also I am quite certain that without the narcissistic abuse much of the other traumas I suffered would not have occurred. I think it's almost always easier to think that another type of trauma is worse but whether or not that is true, you are suffering PTSD - which is a debilitating and painful - any amount of suffering you are experiencing is suffering that deserves treatment.

Your leg can be broken because of a small fracture or a larger injury right the way through to bone coming out of the skin - even if the latter is worse, it still deserves all the treatment and help in can get to heal and the pain that the person with the injury is still awful. A psychological injury is no different, you shouldn't have to be experiencing ANY unnecessary suffering - what you have and are experiencing already is bad enough. By withholding yourself from the treatment you deserve, you are continuing the cycle of abuse. You should be allowed to experience a happy and full life, you are entitled to a life free from unnecessary pain and/or suffering, you deserve to have the treatment that will help you get better.

 

[sun seeker]

Yes, I was diagnosed with PTSD about one year ago. This is exactly what I feel about my trauma. And that's why I quit therapy 3 months ago.

I've wondered about this. Sometimes in therapy I've had a therapist empathize with something I am relating about my childhood and say "it was really terrible that that happened to you" or something like that, and I tense up and won't let myself register the empathy because I'm thinking it wasn't all that bad. The thing is though, in childhood I learned it wasn't safe to feel and that no one cared anyway, and now when I try to empathize with my child self I draw a blank or else feel an intense loathing. I know a lot of my present problems come from childhood neglect, but I don't remember what that neglect felt like at the time. What I've wondered is whether it might work better to begin closer to the present and work back, instead of the more usual way of concentrating first on childhood where the problem began. I remember in vivid detail what more recent traumas and losses felt like. Why not begin by working on the emotions around those, which I can actually feel? Might that help you too?

In answer to your original question, sorry, no, I don't fall into that category either.

 

[Leigh925]

Even having had sexual abuse I constantly shocked that the things are are most disabling for me camr from having a narcissistic father and a mother with various mental disabilities.

I thought I was going to therapy to talk about rape and being molested as a child and yet more than half if the time the issues I have stem from the damage my parents did.

Even with the abuse I still feel like my story isn't as bad as other people on here or I know people who have it worse and they are doing better than me....so it makes me feel weak. So I think I kind of get what you are saying anyway!

I hope you will allow yourself the room to feel sad about what happened to you and not minimize it because other people have experienced worse.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I have no idea if my mother was a narcissist, nobody ever diagnosed her, but I can tell you I also have (had) pretty severe identity problems up to the point where I seriously believed both my parents were in my head and trying to take over for me. I also recognize so much the sensation of being maybe three years old and having very little sense on how to cope with life.

So while it might be uncommon to be the victim of that specific type of abuse (although judging by all of the above there are clearly quite a number of people who have been abused by narcissists... ) the symptoms that you have are pretty recognizable and you are not alone in that :)

 

[HëllaBubz]

It is too draining for me to reply to this at length.

My recommendation is to google "child of narcissistic father" and go from there.

Victims of narcs do well to seek out others, as psychological warfare waged in this type of abuse is multi faceted and insidiously undermining.

My father is an incurable NARC, my mother is one to a lesser extent and an enabler.

It is possible to find who you are, but it can take many years. I've been very fortunate to find fabulous support that has played to my strengths and helped me through my weakness.

Got a million miles to go, but seriously, google the above phrase, I believe it will really help you.

 

[Momofthree]

I love what Bubzilla said about finding yourself, it is totally possible! Like I said I was raised by a narc mother and then at the age of 20 married a psychopath. After seven years of marriage I was lucky to get out of that alive and had no where to go but back to my mother. Finally I was able to save up enough to get out on my own with my three small children. At the age of 28 I was on my own but had no clue who I was. Now a 1 1/2 yrs later, after lots of therapy and a HUGE amount of support from people who are closer to being my family to me then my family ever was I am starting to figure out who I am, and the wonderful part of it all is that I am not only figuring out who I am and building personality the way I want it, I LOVE who I am becoming and fight hard against my mother any time she tries to take it away from me again!

 

[TruelyTasha]

I am trying to find someone like me for not feeling alone, I guess.

You're definitely not alone!

I have complex PTSD, some of my trauma comes from sexual abuse and some of it was narcissistic abuse from my mother that I kept running from in a cycle of moves (including cross country moves), hospitalizations, and re-attachment to my mother and going along with her "plans" for me. For 7 years I was running in this terrible cycle. I felt empty, like a cast away puppet, trying to break my strings. I would regularly be subject to her mind games, and no one understood what was going on! Finally I realized I needed to separate from her. Now, since last June, she doesn't have my phone number (only my partner's), and I don't talk to her on a regular basis. I feel like I am becoming my own person. I met my partner (who is also a survivor) during my years of running, and now I've been able to settle down and start figuring out who I am. I'm discovering that I like who I am and so do the people around me. I'm still having symptoms, and have terrible days, but I've noticed for the first time that things are looking up.

 

[Whitebird]

TruelyTasha thank you for the reply.
I'm trying to separate from my father, but it is not possible now.

 

[BlondeTashy]

I have a mother who's this way very difficult. Did u find you could ever talk to her about how she made u feel?

 

[Flossy]

I developed full blown PTSD at the age of 55 when I engaged with my mother and family to try to figure out what the hell was wrong with them and with me. I had multiple traumas before that, but did not have PTSD until then. The base of what triggered it, I think, is my realisation that I spent my whole life up until then totally confused and believing in what this monster taught me was true about myself and about life.

That is enough to shake anyone's view of who they are.

What helped me with this factor was to work with a life coach by email for 18 months. It re-established who I was and also made me totally value who I am. This did me far more good that years of therapy. I am not in therapy now at all.

I think to realise that you have been ripped off, manipulated and lied to, by the people in the world who are meant to be your guide and protector is a terriblle trauma. Don't denigrate the degree of damage that does. A narcissistic parent forces a senstive child, particularly the scapegoat, to live a life that is not their own, but one that is to be used by the narc for their own selfish twisted purposes, attentiona and supply.

I truly beleive these people are evil in their intent. At the age of 88 my mother left behind letters telling me how wrong I was and how I was the one with the problem. Ha. B....shit. She never changed, she could not face what she really was, despite regularly declaring that there was something 'missing' in her. So, she knew. They all know.

Perhaps look into a life coach who can take you back to basics and learn every aspect of who you are and how to value each element. Like building a story. Your story.

It works. Up until I did this, I truly beleived I was 'a piece of s..t". Now I know without a doubt I am a good person, smart, determined, strong, kind and funny. I found that out despite the narcissistic abuse I lived with for 55 years. Read as much as you can on Narcs and their methods. Keep a diary on everything you are. Go 'to school' on find who you are and building your whole personal person. :)

 

[Elevatorguy]

Hi all,
Does anyone here have PTSD due to childhood narcissistic abuse?
I really feel ashamed of havi...

That's the same reason why I am here also

 

[DreamLover]

Whitebird, first of all, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Thank you for having the courage to share.

Yes, I suffered at the hands of my narcissist abusive mother. Her abuse led me to think that there was/is something fundamentally wrong with me, that if only I were "perfect" everything would be fine, and turned me into a life-long people pleaser. It really affects one's identity, and it essentially crushes your self-esteem to nothing.

Something I noticed that I did and do is form relationships with people like my mother: high-drama, self-absorbed, critical and "conditional" in their love/approval for me. I recently visited a very long-term friend and noticed all of these behaviors in her. After over ten years of "friendship" I finally made the decision to cut her off. Establishing and maintaining boundaries in our relationships is huge for people like us who were abused in such a way.

Hugs to you, Whitebird.