Ptsd In Words That Make Sense

[willis williams]

Track it will get better. I have been saying the thing about age since I was 25 and now 37. It will get better it does at its own speed though. Nice lerics have to try and find it so I can tisten to it. TEX

 

[track108]

Thanks tex. those words do mean something to me. I think the reason im so depressed and bitter today is I had therapy yesterday and we talked alot about emotions and feelings and lack there of. she was really pushing the point and making me dig into it because i asked her to. I read those words you posted at the begining of this thread I read it almost everyday. Those words touch my heart in a way not many things can these days, they describe me to a t.
You can find this music at www[URL='http://www.sgt'].sgtdunson.com[/URL]. Be careful its rap music he swears alot and says some graphic stuff. But its real and gives as much insight into the warriors mindset as can be done.

 

[willis williams]

I will look that music up today.I will let you know what I think It sounds like he is saying things that a lot of people want to. TEX

 

[Jimmy1]

If I wore a hat I would take it off to SGT Dunson. I salute him for having the guts to say what others have not.

Happy Veterans Day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slB9GmWPto0

 

[willis williams]

Had a problem getting through Happy Veterans Day but a coouple of tries and I got it. Going to buy his cd so I can listen and learn more about myself like why I reacted to the song the way I did. He is a great artist not just a pretty face and voice that someone else writes the songs. I was not really a rap fan till now I look forward to hearing more of his songs. Great suggestion Track Thanks. TEX

 

[No Folded Hands]

Oh oh, I'm confused...should I be calling you willis or tex? Or is that a really dumb question?
Your initial post starting the thread reminds me of a couple incidents from the last couple years. One happened during one of my two "intensive courses" --meaning a group of students and a professor or two leave campus and go elsewhere and do an entire terms work in a few days through a lot of real life, hands on type stuff-- which took place partly on the rez and partly at a nonrez gathering place. While I chatted with one of the guys --another motorcyclist-- who came out to speak to our group military service came up. He invited me to come back during their pow wow and march in with the veterans, a real shocker for me. He said it doesn't matter to native americans what ethnicity you are --a veteran is a veteran and all are honored.

The other incident involved one of my professors back on campus. The Native American cultural center had a community meeting one evening with a pre-meeting dinner. One of my professors, an ex-ranger whom I knew to be pre-diabetic, attended the meeting and dinner but spent the dinner period standing in back of the room keeping an eye on everything rather than eating. Finally I walked over and told him he needed to eat something. "I will when everyone else has had a plate," he answered. (I'm sure you know, but for the benefit of anyone not familiar with native customs et me explain that Elders always eat first, and warriors always watch over the community.) I replied, "Everyone has eaten, many have had seconds, and a couple came back for thirds. With your schedule I bet you've eaten nothing since lunch. I know it's your job to watch out for everyone, but remember I was medcorp. This is how I do what you're doing. It's my job to watch out for you."

I have no idea where the words came from. They just tumbled out of my mouth. He gave me the most peculiar look for a moment. Then he went and got himself some food. I think that's when I started really believing what the first fella had said.

 

[willis williams]

I go by Tex, you are right about the traditional ways what he was doing is not only to honor the elders but he instinctively was acting as a door man this is a highly regaurded position and is usually chosen by the elders for there heart and stregth. Most all ceremonies there is a door man inipi or sweatlodge, winter dances, anything that takes place somewhere sacred. I will not even stand up at a sweat to enter until the elders have enter. We are real big on gifts and we try to bring gifts to the elders all the time. Don't get me wrong if an elder tells you to sit and eat or to enter a ceremony ahead of them you better damn well do it. I have missed the last few sweats and only one jump dance this year do to kids sports and financial problems. If you haven't figured out from other post I am traditional native american which are beliefs/religon and muscogee creek indian. I am also working hard at following the medecine path. Very difficult with PTSD but have good teachers one elder that was up hamburger hill twice and has PSDT and a medic that found out he didn't like being a conciencious objector and joined the rangers and worked for SOG for 3 1/2 yrs. in nam. The one that was a medic came to terms and is a medicine person. So I have the greatest coucilors availible they have been there done all the same stupid shit i've done and they probably know the next stupid shit I will get myself into. It is nice to see that you have some understanding of native beliefs. At the last winter dance I was at it last 4 days and 4 nights one the third night a vet coucilor that does group that has a lot of natives was invited she made it through the hole night and was even enclude in one round that was the warriors round. She was aloud to see our medicine while two medecine men worked. She changed a lot about her thinking when dealing with native vets. This is a closed ceremony and a very big priledge to have a (shuopy) new commer invited to. Oh she could not dance very well but she never gave up. I am a dancer and warrior gaurd while the medecine people work so I dance all nights but for somebody who never did it she made it through the whole night. Just talkitive, TEX

 

[No Folded Hands]

Ha, great story, Tex. That was my minor, native american studies.

The thing is I'm sort of not the one who decided on it. It's a long story but the gist of it is I'd been talking regularly with a native american friend (blackfoot) who was good at helping me sort things out, but he had needed to go out where there are no telephones or computer lines. I walked past the cultural center one day after that, made a sudden 180, went in and asked if I could ask questions, was told that's what they were there for, and just kept coming back. Some months later I was there unofficially volunteering, just helping out with the setting up and cleaning up, at the first community dinner; when the call came to stop with that in the kitchen and join the meeting I kept on washing dishes. One of the staff motioned me to come with them, and when I blurted out in astinishment "I don't think I'm supposed to be in the meeting" she answered "of course you are, you're a member of the community." Well, I went, but I still couldn't figure it out, so later I asked one of the older people there when I'd become a member of the community, anyway? He gave me this pitying look and asked me "Did you think there'd be an announcment?" LOL!!! It finally dawned on me that all that talking, asking, trying to understand, learning, helping out with this and that, washing dishes, cleaning out the fridge, vacuuming, etc I kept doing was behind it.

I was taking a couple of courses in native american studies by then and out of the clear blue sky one day a classmate said something about me minoring in it. I explained I didn't have a minor, I was just learning. Well, she told me, if it's not your minor, it should be. Yeah, I had to be lead by the hand. ;) But that's the point; I even met my friend through a serendipitous set of circumstances. Sometimes you just get led into something, and you might not know why for awhile.

My transcript is pretty funny; it has classes not officially in either my major or my minor that I took because they provided more chances to understand something out on one of the reserved lands near here.

I walked into my current therapist's office and darned near fell on my head at what I saw. I'd had no idea he had anything to do with native beliefs. It feels a little like completing a circle.

BTW I am so glad to read about your councilors. It sounds like you've got that part of your life in a good place during this not so good time for you.

 

[willis williams]

I'm closed to being in a good place as far as beliefs but toopia (the creator) or he sah keta nese (giver of breath) throws in so many turns in the red road I often question my own worth even though it is against my beliefs because everything has a purpose. The spelling of the native words may be off it is hard to translate the sounds.
I like how you bring up community we say family and you bring up completing a circle which is one of the most significant symbols in native belief. I think if you haven't if you get a chance you should attend a womens sweat ceremony. I sweat on the rez and at the VA they built us a 70,000$ sweat lodge with men and women sides and the nights are diffirant because grandfather fire is in the middle where we heat the stone people and since it is not a thing that is mixed. Oh better add we didn't get it for free the spokane nation land buts up against the government land that the VA is on and they needed some land that had an old sweat on it wasn't much they got more parking we got a real nice sweat that is considered by them a native american healing center. A mans sweat can be 3 or more round it is like our church so the rounds are ran by elders, medicine people, or singers. The first round is for our selves and loved ones these are all prayers. the second round is for the women we pray for all women the 1,2, and four legged females and it can get very hot in this round beause we suffer during for all the suffering that women do for the circle of life. If you don't know the 1 leggeds are themother trees. The third round is the warrior round we pray for all the warriors in the world the ones gone and present and personal prays from native vets while we struggle with the effects of war this is the hottest round I have seen it were everybody has thier face to the ground hands cupped at the end just to breath. You can leave if it is to hot anytime but if you are a little uncomfortable and leave it is very disrespectful and the door man may not let you back in. I don't know how the women run thier sweats I'm guessing they spend a lot of time praying for the pittifull men.

 

[No Folded Hands]

Spokane, eh? Suppose if I got over there some day you could speak for me re coming to a sweat? I am afriad even if it was considered ok I might throw a wrench into the works -- from my understanding of traditional native american ideas of gender I am not sure I fit "woman"! Female body gender, yes, female elsewise, maybe not.

 

[willis williams]

You would fit just fine there is no cookie cutter woman! In native beliefs all differences are a gift from the creator. That is why in the real old beliefs even a retarded child, or a child born with one hand was considered blessed. Think about it all the extra love and attention those children need and are given wouldn't you call it a blessing. It is considered an honor to be the one who tends them just the same as an elder is tended in the years before they take the journey. So now you have no excuses. Also if you studied native american history you would know the women are not all that sissyfied. They are women and mothers but also tuff. Think about they would squat along a trail bite a stick give birth without a sound to protect the family or group from enemies. If you think that blood don't run through thier viens to this day your crazy look at most of the men they put up with alchohol don't mix well with red men. Just study more about the red road and you will see your significance the way you are and being a creator yourself as a woman you will see you fit more places than us aukward men. TEX

 

[Wagon]

Pink Floyd wrote a song awhile back on their last album with Roger Waters (The Final Cut) Allot of this album is about dealing with PTSD. One song specifically addresses the feelings.

"Paranoid Eyes"

button your lip don't let the shield slip
take a fresh grip on your bullet proof mask
and if they try to break down your disguise with their questions
you can hide hide hide
behind paranoid eyes
you put on your brave face and slip over the road for a jar
fixing your grin as you casually lean on the bar
laughing too loud at the rest of the world
with the boys in the crowd
you hide hide hide
behind petrified eyes
you believed in their stories of fame fortune and glory
now you're lost in a haze of alchohol soft middle age
the pie in the sky turned out to be miles too high
and you hide hide hide
behind brown and mild eyes

I can't listen to this song anymore and a couple of other ones on this album, because now that my feelings are pretty raw, it kind of makes me weepy. Oh well

Wagon