Ptsd Lifestyle - Living The Gentle Life

[ihateusernames]

Sometimes I don't even know whether I should even respond to things like this. I have never been diagnosed with ptsd, my therapist said ppd, but "probably ptsd," I certainly didn't push and have shied away from one, honestly whether or not it fits, I don't want one right now, (I don't know, I just like to kind of go through life side glancing at things, not ever fully facing them) and I've had too hard a time talking about actual traumatic events- she only actually knows about the most recent one and some general discussion of past situations, not events.

So, anyway, take my opinion on this article for whatever you think it's worth.

There are some useful ideas here and some that are completely impractical and nonsensical. For instance, from the article: "Living 'pathology free' is nearly mandatory." Mandatory? Impossible. Even if you set yourself up to live in complete isolation you'll only increase your own pathology. Greatly I'd think. Living in society means encountering pathology. And living means encountering stressors. Like, for instance, I'm trying to respond here and my son is in my face saying "bubbles, bubbles, bubbles" so there's no way any of this will make any sense...

"Stress" doesn't come from the world. It comes from our reactions to the world.

Exactly.

I often wish I felt better for my family so that I could bring them a "me" with more peace inside

Also, exactly. That's ultimately why I've set out on this thing to begin with. But I don't think the trick is to sequester yourself to a zen retreat. Incorporating stress reducing techniques like exercise, which is an excellent, excellent, excellent one and something that can usually be done no matter how crazy your life is (hint, hint self). Meditation- I don't understand "regular" meditation, but mindfulness meditation is a wonderful tool, at least it has been for me. Changing my thought patterns and catching my own panic responses to things has proven a lot more difficult than those things, but I can certainly see the utility in that. I cannot handle the news, I can't handle certain scenarios in movies, and I can't handle loud noise or music, so my own home is free of those things and has been for as long as I've had control over it. I can't expect the rest of the world to conform and to hide from the rest of the world is not going to cut it so I maintain my own sanctuary to come back to.
okay... bubbles, bubbles, bubbles...

 

[shimmerz]

"Stress" doesn't come from the world. It comes from our reactions to the world.

Idk, I have an issue with this. Maybe someone could reframe it for me. If I work at XYZ company I must be able to maintain a stress load that is dictated by management, must I not? As I look into 'what I can do' for work, I am seeing so many job postings that stress in their ads (pardon the pun) "must be able to work in a fast paced environment". That, to me, means a fair bit of stress. Either that or "must be willing to work overtime when necessary". That stress, to me, is coming from the world, not in my head. There seem to be very few jobs out there where high stress is not a prerequisite.

Would love input on this if any have some.

 

[sun seeker]

My reaction to the article is... mixed feelings. Part of the time reading it I was nodding in agreement, and the other part I was thinking the people giving this advice must live in a different world. The Catch 22 of a life that has contained a lot of trauma, especially beginning in childhood, is that we can end up painted into a corner where we desperately need peace and stability to heal, yet coping with the demands of just surviving can feel like too much.

@shimmerz, I am too close to the need to work/stress of working quandary in my own life to have a lot of perspective here, but there is one thing I am wondering about. What is stressful to one person may not necessarily be stressful to another. It might be worth making a list of what you know to be stressful to you, and comparing it with the stress inherent in the job. For instance, what exactly does a fast pace mean? Some people might be fine with it as long as it doesn't involve dealing with a lot of people at once. Some people are fine with multitasking while others are stressed beyond their ability to cope. What are the things you absolutely cannot do? I don't know how helpful that is, but it's one thing I thought of.

 

[shimmerz]

What is stressful to one person may not necessarily be stressful to another.

Great observation Sun. I think the problem with PTSD hangover and me is that I am no longer 'triggering' over certain things as I was before, but notice when I up the 'expectation' of myself to start attempting to integrate in meaningful ways, that I have a more 'generalized' anxiety response. I don't keel when I hear helicopters, for instance, as a matter of fact, I don't keel at all anymore over any external stimuli, however, my body tends to react more to stress in a general sense of the word.

For instance, in doing my resume a few days ago, trying to live up to my goal of getting it done in a day (which is a long time really), I have completely blown myself out and am still suffering the effects several days later. Obviously I can't work if this be the case. I need to be 'count-on-able' if I am to be employed or even self employed.

So this article spoke about (the way I read it anyway), decreasing stress 'overall', in all aspects of life, kind of creating a new tolerable baseline; reducing the background noise and building my body up properly (dare I say - gulp - self care????).

I suppose the key here is first getting those things in balance and then looking at what you are suggesting (what new stressors I am reacting to are) and then thinking about employment. *heavy sigh* I am chomping at the bit. I can see it...feel it.....taste it,....but perhaps I must do my due diligence first.

 

[sun seeker]

I suppose the key here is first getting those things in balance and then looking at what you are suggesting (what new stressors I am reacting to are) and then thinking about employment.

Or perhaps a little of both at the same time?

 

[shimmerz]

lol. Now that you mention it I am thinking an 'all or nothing' model. :wacky: Thanks you.....:hug::hug:

 

[sun seeker]

Thanks you.....:hug::hug:

Anytime.

 

[ihateusernames]

@shimmerz

What is stressful to one person may not necessarily be stressful to another.

Basically this. I mean there are some things in life that would stress most anybody, but the every day things I believe are only stressful based on individual response. In the case of a fast paced job, I personally do much better in a busy environment where I have a lot of things going at one time. My skin crawls when I have to sit and wait for work or do monotonous slow-paced things and that's stressful for me. On a whole I am more relaxed when I'm busy and can sort of find a zone. I know that is not true of others. Same with being around people, it's a way to unwind for some, super stressful for others. Social events make my stomach churn, not so for others.

It's our own response that creates the stress, not the thing happening. I don't know how much of our own response we actually can control so I won't argue that it is so much a choice. But I don't think the presence of stress is so much the problem as our methods of controlling it (or not controlling it).

 

[scout86]

Idk, I have an issue with this

I just got home from playing with 1000# animals, so let me try to reframe.

What is it about a "fast paced environment" that makes it stressful? "Fear", maybe? Fear of being overwhelmed, of not being able to keep up, of being in over your head? When I hear "fast paced environment" I hear "Oh goody, I won't be bored!" Would it help to analyze where the fear, or what ever, comes from, what inspires anxiety, and deal with THAT?

I think part of this is dealing with what OTHER PEOPLE expect. Or what we think they expect. I hate being inside and being in one place,doing the same thing, day after day. I find most factory jobs to be hard to take. An office job? With people and politics and all that? No way! I know that about myself, so I'm going to do what I can to make sure I don't have to do that kind of job. My whole adult life, my biological family has been expressing "When are you going to get a 'real' job?" By that they mean a 9 to 5 kind of deal with a predictable paycheck. If I decided to do that, because it's what I'm "supposed to do", it wouldn't work well.

Even within my own job. I have a problem with "stupid people". On a good day, I can be patient and forgiving. On a bad day, I might throw a hammer at someone for the same thing. What's the difference? My attitude. Which might very well be affected by a rough therapy session or something someone else did, or a night I couldn't sleep. But if I can keep myself in a frame of mind where "This person is an idiot oh well....." it's better. I can deal with them better, keep everyone safe better, and enjoy the day better.

It's totally true that "stress" for one person is great for someone else. It's more about matching your likes and your talents to the work world than it is about avoiding triggers.

What bugged me about the article is it sounded (to me) like she was saying "Oh you poor damaged souls, you just can't cut it and need to accept your limitations." Which kind of makes me mad because I have no intention of accepting anything I don't want to.

 

[joeylittle]

Maybe someone could reframe it for me. If I work at XYZ company I must be able to maintain a stress load that is dictated by management, must I not? As I look into 'what I can do' for work, I am seeing so many job postings that stress in their ads (pardon the pun) "must be able to work in a fast paced environment". That, to me, means a fair bit of stress.

This is actually a perfect example - so, that thing that you are calling the stress load as dictated by management - it's only stress if you perceive it as stress. It's totally legit to see it that way - and important to know yourself, which you are clearly saying you do (when you say "that, to me, means a fair bit of stress".

Personally, I would call a fast paced environment ideal for me - totally not stressful. But there are other things that would push my stress buttons. (other people have said this already, I'm just echoing using different words).

We get to decide how many of our stress buttons we want to accept - in other words, if you really wanted to be doing that job, but you knew the fast-paced was likely to stress you out, then you would do some work on your own (mindfulness, meditation, CBT, maybe other stuff) to change your own stress response. OR, you can say, screw it, I just don't want to deal with that level of stress, ever. So I want slow-paced environment.

Most important, I think, is both knowing yourself and knowing which of your stress-response triggers you want to change, and which ones you accept.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Precisely. Perception is key to all of this. That is why CBT helps us, change our perception. There is stress in life. What each of use perceives in stress is individual. But anyway, you are going to be exposed to stress. We cannot live is little boxes or live on a retreat (which would also have a new kind of stress, personally the kind of people, who retreat to communes, not sure I would take to that environment very well). We have been exposed to extremes and we react to triggers. Triggers are different. We have to aware of them. But we will get triggered and we have to learn to cope with triggers as well. For me they are everywhere. My best defence is to recognise and to learn best way to manage the response. I cannot avoid. My kids are a trigger, my environment is a trigger.

Self care is crucial, exercise, diet, treats, looking after yourself. But looking after yourself does not mean avoid stress, as that is withdrawing from life.

I notice this with my teenage daughter. She thinks there should be no stress and she should lie in bed all day. Thing is then she has created an even more stressful environment for herself.

I agree with @scout86. I read that article and found it a bit patronising. I also think there is a subtle attempt to get you to use their services. If we can help you in anyway. I don't think this is true help.

We have a mental illness. It is harder for us and we need to try and reduce stress to a manageable level. Part of that is learning to accept stress is not the same as the trauma we were exposed to. That it is normal to go through stress, that we have ways of managing our stress (good for everyone) that we do need extra support and yes there are certain things we may not be able to cope with. But some of us don't have that choice, this is not an ideal World and actually, you can overcome a lot of stressful situations.

I had extreme driving fear. I HAD to overcome that. I had panic attacks and so much to over come that. But the other day I was sitting in my car, thinking I actually like driving. It is relaxing. There you go. And I cannot get away without driving. I had to go through the pain to get to the other side. And I 'm glad I did. Still not there completely though. I don't think I am every going to drive across Sydney harbour bridge. But maybe one day I will.

And that is another key thing. Not thinking you are a failure because you can't do something at this point in time. But not giving up altogether. You recognise maybe I can't do this now, but I can give it a go, if I don't succeed, I maybe leave it. But I am not useless. I can try again later. And then maybe you have built up a bit more skills and you find it easier. Or you do it bit by bit. You tackle what you can. One thing at a time, until you get better and better and you can handle more. Or maybe you go back because something extreme happens. But you know you know it isn't going to last. You can get there. And the only way to do that is to experience stress.

 

[shimmerz]

You guys have helped a ton and I thank you so much for your detailed and well thought out responses. Because of your replies I am thinking that I actually have a fair bit of work to do on the trauma of having PTSD. CBT - brilliant. I could never do CBT before, but I think if I look at what has happened through the duration of my PTSD, well, i have never actually dealt with that and it was huge. It has shifted my way of thinking about my capabilities, what I can handle and what I can't, how I see myself, etc. All perfect stuff for CBT processing.

Perhaps I am over thinking all of this stuff because I simply do not know/have faith in myself these days. Lots of work to do I think before I actually engage in full time work. I will talk to my doctor to see if there may be some CBT available to me. Thanks again....all of you, so much.