As long as I’m talking? I’m at a soft limit. Because talking -for me- says they’re worth talking to. Whether that’s a half laughing casual thing (the equivalent of slapping fingers away from cake frosting), or a full on toe to toe argument, or a softly spoken warning. Actually... That’s pretty much in order of how upset I am. Which also tells you how far over the line someone has gone.
Hit one of my hard limits? Unless I owe you a debt, I say nothing. Because there’s nothing to say, I’m done. If I owe you a debt, I’ll generally make it clear I’m honoring that account, and this is a one time pass... of very limited duration. Meaning keep pressing me, even right now in the moment, and finis. I really don’t play around. I might regret what we once had, might mourn what could have been, but I’ve regretted and mourned a helluva lot harder things. Might sound cold, but they’re still alive, so they can’t even begin to compete. I’m not one of those people who blows up, leaves, regrets it, comes back. When I’m done, I’m done.
I don’t have very many hard limits. Of those that I do, most of them have a very wide stretch of DMZ before you get there, that people will be well aware of crossing. Because I do speak up. Each time. Every time.
Soft limits, I’ve got a f*ckload of. And I have learned about myself that I can exist for about a year inside that zone before I pull the cord. I’m not willing to do that for most people. Flickering up against my boundaries? Pfft. No worries. That shit happens. That’s just life & living with someone. Living inside crossed boundaries? Has a time limit, where I will fight like hell to get us OUT of that situation, before I hit my max tolerance.
New relationships for me get the least tolerance. Something is only a year or two old? I’m not going to pour as much energy into as an established relationship. Inside a year or two, it’s still learning where people are coming from and if our boundaries can coexist together, or if we’re always gonna be stepping on toes.
