quit cannabis and disappointed to still be dissociating

[maryiscontrary]

I am not a heavy user of cannabis , but I was a consistent one. A week ago I had some personal revelations that led me to stop cannabis for personal Improvement and development.

I am incredibly blessed to live in a beautiful city in South America. As I was observing myself over the past few years, I noticed a severe derealization was always present. I have lived here for five years, and I love walking through downtown looking at the beautiful architecture, the constant public events, and observing the classy people.

I noticed that despite being very familiar, it was very unreal. Day after day after day. I would have to ground myself by looking at the license plates to remind me I where I was living. I thought that cannabis was making this worse, or even the problem itself.

I quit a week ago, which is the longest time that I have not had it in nearly 10 years. lots of withdrawal, but I find it very necessary right now.

Well, I went to a lovely public festival last night in central park with lots of wild and beautiful fireworks. It was so cool and I felt so blessed. But I noticed that even being stone cold sober, and having the pyrotechnics just a few yards from me, I was still in that Haze and fogginess of derealization. if anything should have grounded me, yuge popping loud displays a fireworks right next to me should have done it.

I am extremely disappointed. I feel like I'll never get well and that maybe I've been mentally ill for so long that I'm brain damaged permanently. this is a real possibility.

 

[The Albatross]

I imagine that a "withdrawal" period of longer than a week may be warranted to accurately assess or not improvements. Even with booze depending on how long and how hard ya drank it takes varying time to deal with it both philologically and mental/emotionally. (I'm a co-occuring PTSD/SUDS booze was my m.o. with a couple of other things thrown in for a grand old time, joke)

In 2013, the American Psychiatric Association definitively included cannabis withdrawal in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), a handbook used by US healthcare professionals that lists all medically recognized mental disorders. marijuana withdrawal may last longer than most other drugs because the main chemical that produces marijuana’s effects, delta-9 tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), stays in the body for several weeks, instead of several hours...therefore, certain symptoms of marijuana withdrawal can last for weeks or even months . The psychological blunting of moods/feelings/mental-emotional junk... longer.

Don't draw conclusions about your discontinuing pot yet.

 

[Mach123]

I find it so easy and I love cannabis for the exact opposite of your experience, I never experience any withdrawals.

Not knowing where I am half the time is easy because my wife is my age and is no more aware of what she was doing five minutes ago than I am.

If I had to go a few days without it I don't even think about it I never plan ahead or worry about running out but

When I was on crazy pills (prescribed psych meds) which included benzodiazepines.

Different story.

I hope you sort it out and feel better.

 

[maryiscontrary]

Thank you guys for your beautiful responses. I am very blessed in that after decades of being on various Pharmaceuticals, heavy coffee use, and fairly light cannabis use, that the only thing I put in my body today is black tea.
I was on at least 11 medications in the past, and for me personally, they did a tremendous amount of damage. Mileage of course varies with different people.

I will say this. When I quit my cannabis habit, my cravings for sugar, junk food, and Ecuadorian chocolate literally vanished. this is very very good. I can't complain totally except that I still feel stoned and dissociated.

 

[HealingInProcess]

Thank you guys for your beautiful responses. I am very blessed in that after decades of being on various Pharmaceuticals, heavy coffee use, and fairly light cannabis use, that the only thing I put in my body today is black tea.
I was on at least 11 medications in the past, and for me personally, they did a tremendous amount of damage. Mileage of course varies with different people.

I will say this. When I quit my cannabis habit, my cravings for sugar, junk food, and Ecuadorian chocolate literally vanished. this is very very good. I can't complain totally except that I still feel stoned and dissociated.

Hopefully that will taper off with time if related to the cannabis use. I'm not a doctor but from what I understand cannabis has a relatively long half life and can stay in your system for I believe up to a month and then that's not taking into account your sensitivity to cannabis.

 

[maryiscontrary]

Hopefully that will taper off with time if related to the cannabis use. I'm not a doctor but from what I understand cannabis has a relatively long half life and can stay in your system for I believe up to a month and then that's not taking into account your sensitivity to cannabis.

yes, it does have a long half-life. however, I think that I may have wrongly attributed my dissociation to cannabis. And I think I used cannabis and knowingly to treat the dissociation that was there before. so I think the reason why this is bothering me so bad is that the dissociation has always been there, and has always been intense, and I have used the Cannabis to mask the distressful symptoms. Rather, than the other way around.
It's just a new reality about myself that I am discovering. It's just that I was so young when I started using this that I did not realize it.

 

[joeylittle]

I can't complain totally except that I still feel stoned and dissociated.

Just wanted to check in, see how you're doing. As others have suggested - if you were a long-time cannabis user, it can take longer than a week to clear your system. You can also have left-behind cognitive effects, which may not go away on their own, but can go away with cognitive re-training. And, yes - as you said, it's possible to have done permanent damage. But it's really too early to tell, and I'd strongly recommend you give yourself a good six months to re-train your neural pathways to stay present and aware. Various kinds of mindfulness can help - I think that something with a physical and/or sensory component would probably be more useful for you than something like sitting meditation.

It's possible (for example) that the derealization you experienced at the fireworks was tied to an embedded expectation you've developed around feeling derealized. Finding things that allow you to practice being fully present, ideally things with sensory input - these will help you get where you'd like to be.

Not all mindfulness is done slowly and methodically. I've found a lot of usefulness in doing things that would force me to be fully present, because of the speed at which they were occurring. It's kind of like cheating, I guess - using my own adrenaline to 'sharpen' myself, to practice attention and mindfulness. But it's helped me identify what being present feels like, and then, I can apply that to other kinds of (slower) things.

 

[maryiscontrary]

Just wanted to check in, see how you're doing. As others have suggested - if you were a long-time cannabis user, it can take longer than a week to clear your system. You can also have left-behind cognitive effects, which may not go away on their own, but can go away with cognitive re-training. And, yes - as you said, it's possible to have done permanent damage. But it's really too early to tell, and I'd strongly recommend you give yourself a good six months to re-train your neural pathways to stay present and aware. Various kinds of mindfulness can help - I think that something with a physical and/or sensory component would probably be more useful for you than something like sitting meditation.

It's possible (for example) that the derealization you experienced at the fireworks was tied to an embedded expectation you've developed around feeling derealized. Finding things that allow you to practice being fully present, ideally things with sensory input - these will help you get where you'd like to be.

Not all mindfulness is done slowly and methodically. I've found a lot of usefulness in doing things that would force me to be fully present, because of the speed at which they were occurring. It's kind of like cheating, I guess - using my own adrenaline to 'sharpen' myself, to practice attention and mindfulness. But it's helped me identify what being present feels like, and then, I can apply that to other kinds of (slower) things.

thank you so much for asking! So it is been over two weeks, and I have zero craving for cannabis, sugar, or chocolate. I believe that these are the last, or among the very last of my Addictions. I take no other medication, and have not for a number of years.
as expected, I am having some extremely wild dreams, and I am having them every single night. Some of them are PTSD nightmares, some of them are just wild. I understand that another reason I used cannabis was to inhibit the nightmares.
I still feel derealization and depersonalization. And if I remember correctly, it seems like I had a problem with this before I used cannabis. I could be off. And you might be right, it might take six months.
for me personally, it doesn't seem to matter if there is adrenaline, aka the sympathetic nervous system activity, or not. Of course, this might change in the future.
I look back now and I am seeing that I used it to really suppress severe symptoms. First it was just using with my friends and having a good time, but it was a true medicine. it probably stopped me from becoming a complete pill junkie like my mother, or a raging alcoholic like my dad and brother and uncle.
like I said in another thread, clean living is great, but it's not enough when you've been totally wrecked by trauma. I have practiced various forms of meditation, being taught by Buddhist and others, for over twenty years. As useful as it is, for me it still wasn't enough to attenuate the symptoms.
I was worried that the weed was affecting my short-term memory. Well, it might have some, but the multiple Alters were wrecking it even more. It was only with EMDR therapy which totally kicked my ass, that the short-term memory started improving.
So I think I'm on the right track, but I also think that I falsely attributed negative symptoms to the weed when in reality the weed was used to suppress horrific symptoms. It's very interesting to watch, as you say with mindfulness.
We will see what happens. I can post updates if everybody would like.
I'm very grateful for everybody support. I live alone in a foreign country, and I don't really have a huge amount of support, other than what I give myself. So the support you guys offer me is very wonderful

 

[hithere]

THis is interesting, because medical marijuana just became legal here and only for a handlful of afflictions, and one of which is PTSD. So with my medical records with the PTSD dx, I can get in the states program for cannabis use. I have made two appointments with the weed doctors and cancelled both as I get paranoid about my name being in the state's database. (I have irrational fears for all kinds of things)

Anyway, I only smoked pot as a young teen and couldn't handle it as people's faces would change shape into the devil's face, or I thought I was being chased by my parents (who in real life attempted murder-no exagerration there either-and not a suppressed memory) anyway, I was thinking it might help my ptsd because I go through these weird periods of "emotional suffering" it's like an anxiety-and my friends who use it recreationally tell me it calms them down and mellows them out.

My husband told me not to get it as he said he thinks it will be an "emotional blunter" and that I won't learn to just experience the suffering appropriately (if there is such a thing as appropriate suffering??) So your post has me thinking again, that I maybe I shouldn't try marijuana for the ptsd symptoms I have.

 

[maryiscontrary]

THis is interesting, because medical marijuana just became legal here and only for a handlful of afflictions, and one of which is PTSD. So with my medical records with the PTSD dx, I can get in the states program for cannabis use. I have made two appointments with the weed doctors and cancelled both as I get paranoid about my name being in the state's database. (I have irrational fears for all kinds of things)

Anyway, I only smoked pot as a young teen and couldn't handle it as people's faces would change shape into the devil's face, or I thought I was being chased by my parents (who in real life attempted murder-no exagerration there either-and not a suppressed memory) anyway, I was thinking it might help my ptsd because I go through these weird periods of "emotional suffering" it's like an anxiety-and my friends who use it recreationally tell me it calms them down and mellows them out.

My husband told me not to get it as he said he thinks it will be an "emotional blunter" and that I won't learn to just experience the suffering appropriately (if there is such a thing as appropriate suffering??) So your post has me thinking again, that I maybe I shouldn't try marijuana for the ptsd symptoms I have.

I totally hear you, I would not want to be in any state databases either. It's not exactly friendly in the United States right now.
However, it might be something you want to try for a couple times. But if you already got spooked out from it really bad from before, I wouldn't be so sure about that.
I know Ayahuasca and San Pedro helped out a lot, and got me out of the basket case stage. You might want to Google to see if there is a local indigenous Church that offers ceremonies. I believe this is the only way to get it legal in North America. God bless you, I really feel for you and I've been there

 

[HealingInProcess]

I am trying to supplements that help with PTSD called Alpha Lipoic Acid and Acetyl Carnitine. They are supposed to help with trauma and stress.

 

[joeylittle]

maybe I shouldn't try marijuana for the ptsd symptoms I have.

It really depends on which symptoms you want it to address...

The reason why there aren't many medications designated for PTSD is because the various symptom categories reference other already-existing diagnoses, and everyone struggles with different aspects of it.

So, when choosing meds for PTSD you'll want to identify what you need the most help with. MMJ doesn't necessarily help with all of what PTSD is, but it seems useful for sleep problems, agitation/anxiety, and I'm sure other things. It's not very useful for depression and suicidality...unless, of course, the depression is a secondary result of sleep problems - and on, and on. You just need to be able to tease out what you want the help with.

MMJ isn't right for everyone, but for some people its the missing piece of the puzzle.