Quitting My Job, Is This Self Sabotage Or Do I Need To Do This?

[CourageofSnow]

Hi,

I currently work full-time for a charity and love my job. Recently I have noticed that I have needed to take more days off as I am not coping and tired. I have sleeping tablets but can't take them daily as I have to get up early and they affect my ability to function.

Although work is supportive, I am on a one year contract and I feel that my contract is not going to be renewed as I have taken time off.

I am not sure if I should quit and part on good terms or ride out the contract and hope they renew..

I am blessed in that my husband has in the past supported me ( I was a stay at home mum for 9 years) so I know financially we would be ok.. Would miss the extra money though!

At the moment, I am just feeling like I need to focus on getting better - not sure if quitting my job would be an act of self sabotage or something that I need to do.

I want to get better. I want to move on from this and heal. I would like to just be able to have a good nights sleep, spend time with my children before and after school and allow my body to process the trauma.

Mentally and physically I am exhausted. My body is run down as I have not had enough sleep.

I have told work that I won't be in for the rest of the week as I am not well..

Taking sleeping tablet tonight and hopefully be in a better place tomorrow..

Any advice anyone has is most appreciated.

 

[CrazyHorse]

Hi,

I do not have an answer for you really, but I do know situations like these so well, i.e that you are doubting wether something that others might consider 'a step down' is in fact just what you need, or if it, as you suggest, is self sabotage.

It does strike me as important that you say you love your job! If I were you, I think I would wait and see if the contract will be renewed. If not, there you have it. If it is, then make your decision if you want to accept it. You may just be going through a rough patch at the moment and things might look different in a few weeks :-)

Could it also be a possibility that you are trying to prevent a situation where your contract is not renewed by qutting yourself?

Just some thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in making your desicion.

 

[The Albatross]

In your post you got down to the core issue, the exhaustion from difficulty sleeping. Resolve that, and you can keep the job you love.

 

[DMerish]

If I had a fair sense that my work is appreciated, I'd try to negotiate a different schedule or shorter work hours.

 

[Flyaway]

I've recently left my job and had a complete breakdown. I should have listened to myself and left a long time ago! I kept telling myself that I would get through it... I was just trying to stay positive.

I know it's going to be heartbreaking to leave.. But honestly it sounds like now is the time to listen to yourself and take the time you need to get to a better level of functioning. I don't want your world to fall apart like mine has! I think you should take some time out to just focus on you for now.

 

[JustBe]

I stayed in a soul sucking job too long and had to quit when my PTSD became too overwhelming to control anymore in that environment.

Listen to yourself and do what is right for YOU.
Wishing you the best...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I once had someone tell me he was jealous that I was able to not work and take time to heal. (What a twist...) Many don't have this option.

I don't know the severity of your situation, so I can't tell you what to do. Money is nice, but are you missing out on other areas of life? Are you able to spend time with your kids?

I recently read an article about the five biggest regrets in life (as written by those at the end of their life). Number two was "I wish I hadn't worked so hard". I think that speaks volumes. If you are going downhill, I think you should seriously consider taking time off. When your kids are gone, they won't say "I'm glad mommy worked so hard". Rather, they'd remember your absence from constant exhaustion.

 

[Misul]

I walked away from my job on April 4. Literally, I walked away from my desk, knowing I couldn't do it another day. I have poor judgment when it comes to my capacity so I just worked until I couldn't anymore. Everything at work was a trigger and just making me worse day after day. I miss the money, independence, and somewhere to go each day, but when I think about going back to work, it makes me nauseous. I am too stoic for my own good and often times just push through everything, not knowing how much it's hurting me. Walking away was like jumping off a cliff; I didn't know if I was making the right choice and what would happen to me. After about a week of decompression, I knew for sure I had made the right choice.

 

[Hashi]

Are you in the UK? I'd like to reply, because I have a lot of experience in the charity sector and have some thoughts on this, but my knowledge is UK-based so I thought I'd ask.

 

[mamachick]

I was in the same position a few years ago after a head injury. I kept working more that 2 yrs each renewing contract. I could not bring myself to quit. Funding cuts forced it. I loved my job too. I did not realize how much I had let my health deteriorate. Still, there are 2 sides to it. Relief, calm, naps, ability to heal. The other side, I was worse than thought and still not recovered 5 yrs later. The dam broke I guess.I did have new trauma after stopping working though.

All in all, I think it is important to heal. If you dont take the time to do what is needed, the world has a way of forcing it on us sometimes.

 

[franciemarnie]

Healing is number one. I feel you are getting a message from your soul. Your brain is giving you an argument. I vote leave but if you can - get good advice from a professional how to do it so you leave on terms you feel comfortable with. The fact that your husband supports you on this and finances are good are major pluses. Take care of you!

 

[CourageofSnow]

Thank you all for your advice. I have a meeting with them on Monday so will discuss my options with them then. I slept soundly last night. No nightmares, waking up or night terrors.

Still tired but doing better today. My therapist suggested that I put to them that I reduce my days to 2 days a week, This could work as long as I was getting sleep in the interim.

Hashi -I am in Australia.

I hope everyone is having a great day today.