Really Not Sure About Exposure Therapy.

[Lee2001]

Well my last therapy apt was good and bad I suppose. I ended up sharing a lot... I just flew through part of it. Therapist asked more questions too which I then shared more. He said I did really well, but seriously felt awful after! I kinda scared myself at how bad I felt and was considering negative coping skills like self harm etc. Therapist has no idea I even deal with self harm either:( I can't seem to be honest about that. So Therapist thinks I am doing well but I feel the complete opposite to the point I considered stoping treatment and not going back.
Is this normal to feel this bad during exposure therapy? How can I be totally honest with therapist about how I am really doing when he seems convinced I am doing well? I am a pro at looking good on the outside by the way. And when you share a lot of your traumas and still feel bad and hopeless; how do you deal? I feel like I should be feeling better but just feel worse in some ways. Maybe it's just all normal part of process and I am truly realizing how horrible all of it really was since I am just now dealing with this! Please share some insight and truly thank you.

 

[Alibongo]

Hi @Lee2001
I'm really sorry I'm no use to you but I am exactly the same -I posted last week about the very same thing. I'm being discharged from therapy even though a few weeks ago I admitted to having suicidal thoughts-which was a huge thing to do as I too a good at making everyone think I'm OK.
I really hope u get answers x

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Hi @Lee2001 I'm sure there are many others who might better answer some of your questions. I can only speak from my own experience. I'm in exposure therapy as well. I have been for several years. Yes, I often feel worse after a particularly difficult session. btw: I'm sure I could rival you any day on the actress role ;). No one realizes any of my real feelings - if I don't want them to. I have omitted information in a session as well.

I'm really sorry you're struggling so hard. May I ask how long you've been doing this type of therapy? It is intense and sometimes yes, for the reasons you mentioned. You're digging deeper into your trauma issues. It causes them to surface and you're forced to face them. They aren't buried anymore. Depending on the nature of your trauma, I understand just how hopeless and depressing that can be.

One thing I would really encourage you to do is to tell your therapist everything about how you respond at home after a session. If being casual and "all is well" works for you, then use it. Your therapist will also be able to read your signals better and be better able to control the speed of the session. Even if that's stepping outside of your comfort zone, you need to expose that side of you. It's very important for your safety. The issues coming out are terrible. You need some grounding tools, relaxation exercises and anxiety tools to help you work though these times.

As I said, I can only speak for myself and my own experience. I am now on medication. I resisted for a at least 2 years and finally decided it was for the best since suicidal ideations became a problem. You aren't alone in this. It's very intense and some ground work needs to be laid to keep you safe. Unfortunately that means being honest.

 

[Gs172003]

Please tell your therapist about the self harm. They can't help you if you aren't honest

 

[Lee2001]

@Alibongo. I do remember reading that thread! I just feel for ya and do hope you as well keep getting treatment and help. It's all so stressful sometimes.
@stp2012. Thank you so much for sharing, I don't feel so alone in this! I have only been at this for like three months but Therapist said since I was more intellectual I would do better and be done sooner? I guess since I will catch on to more of what he was wanting me to understand? He was thinking of doing much better by six month mark.. which now I am wondering how he can know that?? Anyhow I feel better knowing this is more normal as far as feeling bad after a hard apt.
@missy meier I do see what you mean about being honest with T. I was afraid that was probably what I need to do but wow that's hard to share! Especially when he doesn't even have idea I deal with this. Thank you all for sharing and this gives me more confidence to tackle this.

 

[qwyoey]

Exposure therapy when you can't be 100% honest about your coping skills can lead to really bad outcomes. I'd write a note or tell them immediately and put it on pause until you work on being grounded and how to calm down after an appointment.

 

[qwyoey]

Also, I don't like to use the phrase "red flag" very often, but I think it is one that your therapist gave you a timeline for getting better. That's something I see on warning lists and there is no way to know when starting therapy what the outcome will be and how someone will respond.

 

[Gs172003]

Also, I don't like to use the phrase "red flag" very often, but I think it is one that your therapist ga...

It sounded like an estimate to me

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I can certainly confirm that 6 months may an estimate - in an ideal world. This isn't meant to scare you @Lee2001 . It's simply reality. One aspect of exposure therapy that has be taken into account is that life has to be lived. Not in a bubble. Surprises happen all the time which then have to be dealt with. You can't predict what might happen or when - nor should you be looking over your shoulder all the time.

Exposure therapy is by nature exposing us to the realities of our world. Teaching and equipping us how to handle it. That's why you NEED to have the right tools to work with. I think 6 months might be a textbook goal, and maybe it will work. You just need to understand that when stressors or even triggers go off, you won't be ready to move forward until that's dealt with. That's another reason why complete honesty is very important. Your therapist will walk along side you and support you. Give you the assurance that you have a champion rooting for you. He can't do that if he doesn't have the full picture.

 

[Lee2001]

Thank you @stp2012. That really makes sense as things are definently happening and making this all very challenging. I am starting to understand and thank you for sharing as I was chickening out of telling T and was starting to convince myself this isn't so bad etc. Hopefully by next week I will be able to share with T. He was gone this week for vaca so have another week to think on it. Talking here really does help.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I'm glad I could help even a bit @Lee2001 . All the best as you keep focused on what will eventually lead you down a road of healing. Feel free to pm if I can help in any way. As I already said, I can only share from my own experiences. A tough journey, but very rewarding as you begin to be able to take back ground that was taken from you.