Really strugging.... with not self harming

[mrsmegan]

I have been feeling (somewhat) brave and strong recently, with being able to disclose the details of the sexual abuse I went through, but now I feel like I am falling apart. I don’t feel brave or strong any more – I don’t even know what I feel, but it isn’t good. I have 220 days free from self-harming, and the last couple of days I have wanted so badly to relapse because I feel desperate for some sort of release. I want to give up.

 

[RavenGirl]

I can't say that I know what you are going through as far as self harm, as I've never felt the need to do that. ( although in middle school I pierced my own ears numerous times...?) I remember kind of wanting to hurt myself, but thinking there was no way I'd give my abusers that satisfaction. But, I totally understand the feeling of falling apart after telling your story of abuse and wondering how could I make those horrible feelings go away!?

For me what has worked is anything physical to keep me busy, to keep my mind busy too. Such as working out, dancing to your favorite music, doing crafts, drawing, writing a poem to express how I feel, cooking/baking etc. Instead of self harm maybe you could pour those feelings onto the paper in a creative way instead?

The one other thing I'd like to say is this, hang in there 220 days is amazing!! :tup: I hope you can find some ways to not harm yourself, as you are worth all of your self love. NEVER GIVE UP, PLEASE. Never give up, there's people here who understand, who support, and who want you to succeed. You are worth it. :hug:❤:hug:Raven

 

[Deleted member 541]

@mrsmegan The whole thing about disclosing/working on your trauma... YES, you do feel worse. It's like opening up a can of worms, and you can't put them back now. It's ok, be kind to yourself, and use whatever coping skill that you have learned to stay safe. It does get better, but it gets worse first. Hang in there...

 

[talon]

I have been feeling (somewhat) brave and strong recently, with being able to disclose the details of t...

that would be a shame that's an amazing achievement . Keep going we are rooting for you

 

[mrsmegan]

Thank you all for your replies, they do mean a lot. PTSD/trauma sucks.....

 

[Overcoming]

@mrsmegan You are so brave and courageous! Thinking of you.

 

[RavenGirl]

Sometimes just knowing others feel the same way, have been through the same things, or are thinking of you and really want you to succeed are the best reminders to keep us striving to get better.

I hope finding this forum does for you what it did for me, it made me realize I wasn't alone and that there were people who really cared about me and understood what I was going through. That in and of itself did wonders because for 35 years I thought I was alone. We're never alone as long as we have everyone here and We all matter.;):tup::happy:

 

[Intrepid]

The more I work on the sexual abuse with my therapist, the more I get triggered. My therapist told me it gets worse before it gets better. That's really true.

Remember to be kind to yourself. Those people who hurt you were not.