Relationship Relationships- How Do Women Deal With Being Pushed Away?

[New2ptsd]

Hi all, this is my first time on the forum and I needed some insight as to how the women in a relationship with someone with ptsd deal with being pushed away. I am currently in a relationship with a combat ptsd sufferer, he also has tbi and has a back injury which causes pain to surge through his body pretty much all the time. There are days when he does so good, he wants to be near me all day and is extremely affectionate, but there are some days when he wakes up so cold he won't even look at me, talk to me and even less touch me. He tells me it's his ptsd when he's more calm and I understand that it is but it's still hard for me on those days to control my sad feelings. I want to be near him and be affectionate with him like on our normal days but on the ptsd days he says he just can't. So how do you deal with it.? What do you do when you want to hold them but they push you away? I just want to find a way to deal with it to the point where I don't feel sad and make him feel worse for making me feel sad. Really looking forward to hearing your responses,thank you everyone :)

 

[amethist]

Hi and welcome.

To deal with the pushing away, you have to have a life of your own, one you can live whether is issues are up front or not.

Dealing with a relationship when PTSD is up front is the last thing they can deal with. It sounds harsh, but unfortunately that's how it is.

Make the best of the good days and live your own life on the bad.

 

[New2ptsd]

Thank you for your advice Amethist :) I have to also add that I am living with him at his place ( for about 7 months now) and am also his full time caretaker. I moved to a completely new state for him and know pretty much no one here and I don't go out much since i don't really know the area, so at the moment I don't really have a "life" per say or friends to hang out with here so when he does push me away I just don't really know what to feel besides sadness.... I just want to be able to deal with that. I know he is going through so much already in his head and I don't want my feelings to make it worse for him.

 

[Never Give Up]

I am dealing with someone who is pushing away. It is more painful than verbal abuse for me.
I have been dealing with dissociation issues with my wife for about 4 months. Honestly, you have to take care of yourself first. His issues will affect and cripple you eventually and you will have your own mental issues and symptoms.

@amethist - has a really basic theory (above with her comments) which helped me deal with how I am affected as a supporter. What are your doing on the times that he is isolated from you, do you have any hobbies, can you get outside and remove yourself from the situation to regroup yourself. You got to understand that his actions against you are not your fault.

 

[Snowangel1225]

I don't really have a "life" per say

Then you need to work on building one. Being your 'everything' has got to be a lot of pressure for him. I don't know if you have a job outside of the home or not, but that would be a good start. Maybe volunteering somewhere, join a club, anything that will get you out of the house and enable you to meet people. It would benefit both you and him.

 

[psychocandy]

I agree with every ones comments.
The key to reflect on is YOU moved to another state for HIM. You are not his parent, you may love him but... don't expect a magic pill with you being there is going to change anything, in fact it may get worse if he sees you hurting he will feel guilty and he has to focus on himself. So, take it slow, explore your new digs, explore your life and let him see that you are ok. Its a win win situation.

 

[Justmehere]

If he needs you there with him 24-7 then he needs to be in a hospital or nursing home. Regardless if it mental or physical, if he can't function without you being there all the time, then he needs more support than any one person could provide. If he doesn't need you with him all the time, then that means you will have time to yourself, and you have to use that to meet new people and build support for you elsewhere. It is hard to be a caretaker, and even those in hospital and nursing homes have time off. It is even harder for close loved ones to care for people, because it is more personal. It is evitable that you will be pushed away at times. Try as much as you can to understand it's not your fault and it's not personal about you.

Part of taking care of him mean you absolutely must take time to take care of you and get your own needs met elsewhere. If you do this, you will be away from him less, and chances are, he will push you away less and in time, and hopefully his PTSD symptoms will improve and if they do improve, then you can be closer to him longer without him pushing you away.

 

[Barconian]

Thank you for your advice Amethist :) I have to also add that I am living with him at his place ( for about 7 months now) and am also his full time caretaker. I moved to a completely new state for him and know pretty much no one here and I don't go out much since i don't really know the area, so at the moment I don't really have a "life" per say or friends to hang out with here so when he does push me away I

You took on a lot... It isn't easy is is it?