First post. Diagnosed but feel weird about it and have not been involved with services in years. I don't think I would meet criteria anymore most of the time.
That's the root of my question: How can you tell if it is really gone or if it is just that things are more under control but could get stirred up if not careful? The anticipation that something is going to throw me off now that my spouse, work, etc. are all very used to me being calm and clear headed is stressing me out.
Am down from pretty much daily reminders and over reactions to reminders once a month or two that no longer tend to cause a day-or-more-long tailspin. For like 3 years now most memories that do pop up do so in this weirdly objective "yeah, that sucked" kind of way. Some calm stretches are long enough I start thinking my T must've had it all wrong or that I must have overstated things a ton.
Not looking for validation. I know what happened & I can't deny the effects it has had. Plus I find my T from back then credible. She was not gullible or dramatic.
Holiday season & other socially expected family focused times or spending time around my or my spouse's nuclear family often used to make me weird and reclusive for days after. For the longest time I didn't even realize that was happening.
Glad it happens so much less but the unpredictability just really sucks. When it was like clockwork at least if I avoided things all was geneerally good, & I knew to plan on a bad night and a shitty nonproductive day if unable to avoid. Complaining that full on episodes happen less sounds really stupid and bratty as I write this.
Last time I had a bad reaction it had been so long since the prior one that my spouse had sort of forgotten how it goes. Spouse also is used to the "better" me enough that Spouse forgets how it used to be & how constant. Spouse was generally great and helped a LOT with this progress, but in a way it's like spouse doesn't even know. It sucks to have to reexplain WTF is happening & that yeah, it really is about that same stupid BS from so long ago that I hadn't even thought of in ages. I hate hearing myself explain so usually I just get frustrated, then shut up and withdraw until I'm able to be normal & then we just pretend like nothing happened.
Work has no idea and I don't want them to. The topic that caused mine doesn't come up much at my current job. I have no idea if my episodes are as obvious to others as they feel to me but at work I would be at risk of getting into an argument & saying something that would get me fired, or making an expensive or legally risky mistake due to not really being "there".
Sorry for the length and also if this is a repeat question. I searched on "remission" and it was mostly remission from physical stuff, and I tend to stick more to the progress-oriented posts nowadays but did not see this among them.
That's the root of my question: How can you tell if it is really gone or if it is just that things are more under control but could get stirred up if not careful? The anticipation that something is going to throw me off now that my spouse, work, etc. are all very used to me being calm and clear headed is stressing me out.
Am down from pretty much daily reminders and over reactions to reminders once a month or two that no longer tend to cause a day-or-more-long tailspin. For like 3 years now most memories that do pop up do so in this weirdly objective "yeah, that sucked" kind of way. Some calm stretches are long enough I start thinking my T must've had it all wrong or that I must have overstated things a ton.
Not looking for validation. I know what happened & I can't deny the effects it has had. Plus I find my T from back then credible. She was not gullible or dramatic.
Holiday season & other socially expected family focused times or spending time around my or my spouse's nuclear family often used to make me weird and reclusive for days after. For the longest time I didn't even realize that was happening.
Glad it happens so much less but the unpredictability just really sucks. When it was like clockwork at least if I avoided things all was geneerally good, & I knew to plan on a bad night and a shitty nonproductive day if unable to avoid. Complaining that full on episodes happen less sounds really stupid and bratty as I write this.
Last time I had a bad reaction it had been so long since the prior one that my spouse had sort of forgotten how it goes. Spouse also is used to the "better" me enough that Spouse forgets how it used to be & how constant. Spouse was generally great and helped a LOT with this progress, but in a way it's like spouse doesn't even know. It sucks to have to reexplain WTF is happening & that yeah, it really is about that same stupid BS from so long ago that I hadn't even thought of in ages. I hate hearing myself explain so usually I just get frustrated, then shut up and withdraw until I'm able to be normal & then we just pretend like nothing happened.
Work has no idea and I don't want them to. The topic that caused mine doesn't come up much at my current job. I have no idea if my episodes are as obvious to others as they feel to me but at work I would be at risk of getting into an argument & saying something that would get me fired, or making an expensive or legally risky mistake due to not really being "there".
Sorry for the length and also if this is a repeat question. I searched on "remission" and it was mostly remission from physical stuff, and I tend to stick more to the progress-oriented posts nowadays but did not see this among them.