Repercussions of abusive ex partner

[anonymous]

I left my partner last year and she left me in rather a lot of debt. I will have to pay it all off in instalments. i'll be paying an awful long time.

And now, just when I got some things sorted, another thing which was also her fault has suddenly come up. And I am terrified of what is going to happen.

I suppose worst case scenario, I could be jailed for a short time (the thought of which, utterly terrifying).... and best case scenario? I guess i'll be paying out MORE money. Money I don't have.

I hate that I let her coerce me into things, I hate that I was so scared of her and what she might do if I didn't go along with things. And now, when I shouldn't be scared anymore because she's not living with me anymore? Back to terrified again.

Great.

Just f*cking great.

I had thought of ending my life by jumping from the window last year. Want to know something ironic?!?! It's so icy and cold here at the moment, that I can't actually open the windows! I mean, they are JAMMED. SHUT.

How fricking hilarious is that!?!??!

I do wish I could just disappear, not sure my body and mind can take much more, I just want to give up.

I have no plans to act on the thoughts.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I left my partner last year and she left me in rather a lot of debt. I will have to pay it all off in...

Hi! I am so sorry you are going through this. To be honest I don't have a lot of answers, except I wanted to tell you that you're not alone. Keep trying!

I'm in quite a (bad) financial state myself, not because of an ex...but really, if you're in that place in your life, it really doesn't help even if you have someone to blame. I feel the same as you describe. There are so many times that I've just lost time because it felt like applying for this job or asking for this money or trying to sell this one thing would not solve more that a tiny tiny bit of something gigantic must pay. And any time I've made an effort I have been glad that I did, because it was something...

And yet, there is still this huge amounts that I don't yet know how to deal with and it's hard to do anything about it. It feels like I'm already too much behind on them to wait for different payments from different places. I'm struggling every day trying to push myself.

So...don't do what I do. Don't lose time in doubts. Think about what your regular income is, is there a way to earn more at your work, are there part time gigs you can take temporarily, are there old things you can sell, or you can create to sell in online shop or craft fairs? Make a list of all your skills and jobs that can be done with each one- and what time will these take. Listen to Dave Ramsey. Do something, anything. Make debt repayment plan, keep changing and take action. You can do this! And try to let the things that don't depend on you on the side for now. Work on your emotions in journaling or taking walks- but leave them separate from the debt part. One problem at a time.

 

[EveHarrington]

Hugs.

 

[anonymous]

thank you both for your messages

I do feel worse now unfortunately, if that's even possible

I just ..

ive had enough, it' s too much on my body and I don't feel strong enough to keep going

i'll call my gp tomorrow I guess

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m glad you are reaching out for help. Hugs.

 

[anonymous]

Thanks Eve, I feel unwell right now, I have been struggling to sleep, keep getting pain in the left side of my chest and really bad headaches so they can help with those too hopefully. I had the flu a month ago and don't feel I fully recovered, my throat is still sore and I am so tired every day.

It's freezing here again tonight.

 

[EveHarrington]

Do you have a psychiatrist?

 

[anonymous]

Not at the moment, the problem is I reacted badly to meds in the past, some of them made me suicidal, others made me dizzy and just like a zombie ... so now I am wary of meds ... but I think talking would be a help, I have a domestic abuse counsellor but she is off ill a lot and on average I only get to see her about once every 4 weeks. I had been ok with that until recently because more stuff has come up. It's stuff I forgot I even done on behalf of my ex because it was over a year ago and I guess because no one mentioned it until recently I didn't think it was going to become an issue. Now it is and I could end up charged or in jail for a short time. It was not something that harmed anyone, it didn't even involve people at all. If I told you all you would probably see it as no big deal but that's not how someone else is going to view it ... sadly.

 

[EveHarrington]

Hmmm. Do you have the option of finding a new therapist?

I don’t think a psychiatrist is necessary unless you need med management.

 

[anonymous]

Not really, this one actually is a really good therapist and she is the one i've liked most and felt most at ease with in 9 years of seeing various different therapists. ~I just wish she wasn't ill so much, obviously she can't help it, I don't know ... I just need more regular support than once a month I guess ...

I wish things weren't so complicated. Other therapists were never off sick but they were nowhere near as good as she is. And they didn't specialize or have expertise in domestic abuse whereas she does.

On top of everything I am still in the old place I had been sharing with my ex and I do feel unsafe if I'm completely honest about it, she had talked about setting other people she hates homes on fire when they're asleep and throwing acid at people too.

I sort of lay here at night half wishing that something would happen to me just so I didn't have to feel all the stress anymore .. but at the same time I am terrified that she could actually do something, or pay someone else to do something (as she used to talk about doing to others she hated).

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m so sorry. I’d be scared, too. Hugs. Your ex sounds certifiable.

 

[anonymous]

Thanks. She got the idea for setting people's houses on fire from an ex friend she had. He had lit something, paper or something and put it through the people who lived there's letterbox while they slept, whole house up in flames and 2 people died. She still visited him in jail. She definitely has something wrong in the head and has been that way a long time. I just never saw it at first. She was so charming etc. She could actually be a psychopath the more I think about it. She has gotten away with all of the things she has done in the past, she is extremely clever, a total con artist.

Ideally, I would move to another part of the country but that would mean being more isolated and she could still find me anyway.

I'm not sure i'll ever feel truly safe again.

I wish I wasn't me.