General Rough Weekend

[amethist]

This weekend has been a tough one. We had our 6 year old grandson to stay, which is not normally a problem, but this time it was.

Hubby cannot now cope with his energy and his getting up at silly times in the morning, even though I did keep him up late both nights.

So Saturday afternoon and well into the night, hubby shut himself away in his garage, leaving me to keep an energetic 6 year old happy.

When I went out to him and let him know that our grandson was in bed and fast asleep, he still wanted to stay there, so I left him for a few more hours. I then made the mistake of going out again and that's when it hit the fan and I got is full force. I did give him back, as I won't tolerate being blamed for his issues.

Thanks goodness our 8 year old granddaughter who is staying next weekend is quiet and calm, and will sit with hubby for hours just watching rubbish and cartoons on TV.

 

[Toria]

I have no advice - but I do have a (((hug))). It must be hard on all three of you but in three very different ways. xxx

 

[DMerish]

Gosh, Amethist - The description of your weekend didn't sound real fun for anyone :( Grandchildren can be challenging sometimes, but OMG their presence can also add so much joy, connectedness, and good feelings between family members it's a shame things didn't go better. Are the grandkids yours or your hubby's?

P.S. I love your new avatar!

 

[amethist]

The grandkids are mine, but their mum insists that hubby is their granddad as he has been more of a dad to her than her own dad.

They have grown up knowing him as granddad.

 

[DMerish]

I've heard that some men don't connect too much with non-biological grandkids. I don't know if that has anything to do with your hubby's non-involvement and if last weekend was a somewhat isolated incidence - I hope it was. Six year old boys often have interests and an energy level that a grandmothers find challenging. And, having raised three boys primarily on my own, I feel bonding between boys and men being active in their lives is very important. I hope your hubby has a sense of that.

I hope your hubby can understand how being more involved in both of the grandkids lives can provide an opportunity for growth, wholeness and health for both generations. How to go about helping him see that, I don't know . . . What I do know though, is that any "shortfall" on the part of your hubby being transferred to you is a cop-out and I'm glad you've got the strength not buy into his blaming you!

(((hugs)))

 

[amethist]

He loves then all to bits, but has a better bond with our 8 year old granddaughter.

He tries with our grandson, but he just has too much energy and runs from one thing to the next all the time. They have trouble keeping up with him at home too.

Having only had 3 girls between us and now one grandson, we are both struggling a bit. He wont even sit still to watch cartoons, always wiggling about and usually ending up on the floor, then complaining he cant see the TV.

I have to admit he is better behaved with me than with hubby.

 

[DMerish]

I do believe there are some big differences between raising boys and girls. The level of physical energy being more pronounced with boys, in general, while attention span being less, lol! So, rather than seeing that the boy "has too much energy" the challenge is to figure out how to direct the physical energy. It sounds like the boy is a bit bored and needs real things to do with his body and mind to use up his energy - physical activities and making things with his hands. I think those types of activities provides boys with a sense of accomplishment. Girls need that too, of course, but IMO it seems they get their sense of accomplishment more from the connectedness of relationships than actually doing something or producing something. Boys need to do and produce. Just my $0.02 - not sure if any of this is any help. Sorry if it's not Amethist.

 

[amethist]

Oh it helps, just wish his attention span was longer.

We have tried all sorts, so far nothing works. He is the same at home.

 

[DMerish]

What kind of things does is he interested in - what does he like to do?

 

[amethist]

He wants to be in hubby's garage all the time and does not except that it is not a play ground for him. He has his own slow speed drill and other bits and pieces, but will insist on trying to get out hubby's big tools. He has been told they are not toys and are not safe for him and he cannot go in there on his own. This is when he sulk when he is told he cant go in.

He likes to draw so we have pencils and crayons for him and a big pack of paper, but he easily gets bored with that. He has cars and all sorts of things for him, but will not settle for any length of time with anything. We even bought him a football and net, but again 5 mins and he has had enough.

 

[DMerish]

Ah, ha - he wants to be "a big boy" - use the real tools and work along side a man (your hubby :-) Poor guy, it's probably just what he needs. Could your hubby, you and him maybe come up with an idea for him to make something real, like a simple birdhouse perhaps, where grand-boy could learn to use simple real tools like a hand saw and hammer, then do the painting of it with you? I dunno - it's just sounding to me like the boy is bored, has energy, and needs attention as to how to focus it. But I could be way off.

For what it's worth, here are a couple of links for project ideas . . . Don't know how well they'd fit in with your time/lifestyle etc. One of the things with six - eight year olds is that they still need a lot of attention - they like to be doing things with the people their around and haven't the skills to motivate themselves yet, keep themselves focused for too long.

http://www.cometogetherkids.com/2011/12/10-crafts-and-activities-for-boys.html

http://www.kiwicrate.com/lists/top-crafts-for-kids-ages-5-9/59

 

[LEMMING]

Hi Amethist, your g'son sounds like my little g'son who has just been diagnosed with ADHD. He's always on the go, bored very easily, etc., it may be worth thinking about a check up with the GP to allay any fears. These children are very hard work and I sympathise, the more kind and polite I am with him seems to get a better response. I wish you luck. :)