Sad Today

[Copper Princess]

@Copper Princess you and your daughter are in my hearts and prayers; see here tha...

@JadesJewel Thank you. I sent up a prayer for you. I do believe in the power of prayer so thank you so much. Had a breakdown this week and had a phone conversation with my therapist. The nightmares of me being molested are pretty strong this week. So Tuesday she wants details of these dreams. I am at least out of bed this morning and going to do what I love. Homemade cinnamon rolls it is. Hope you are doing ok!

 

[Deleted member 37085]

@JadesJewel Thank you. I sent up a prayer for you. I do believe in the power...

@Copper Princess yes I am Christian; thank you for your prayers, as I'm praying for you. Funeral for friend was today - tears, laughter, the service, food, and now home. Most of my knowings about trauma are from nightmares like you. Some horrific real time memories. Glad you're out of bed @Copper Princess. You and I are working hard in therapy. Dealing w/the hard stuff - crippling stuffI

Can't really type anything that makes much sense - my brain is fried from emdr therapy this past week. Know that my thoughts are with you, and my prayers are going up to God for you, as well. Please pray for me as I will continue to pray for you Copper Princess. We can do this - together. What an amazing forum we are so privileged to be members in. (hugs) JadesJewel

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Left you @Copper Princess a post here a couple of minutes ago, came back to read more here - and my post is gone! Poof! Vamoose! So I will re-post to you. We both are working very hard in therapy. Glad you are out of bed; I have had nightmares about the sexual molestation by step-father . My brain is so fogged over from this past wks. emdr session. Praying for you, thank you and please continue to pray for me. (hugs) JadesJewel

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Left you @Copper Princess a post here a couple of minutes ago, came back to read...

Now, I see my initial post here now.. Hmmm, very interesting. Stay strong, keep praying, me as well! JadesJewel

 

[OneToughCookie]

@Copper Princess , it's so encouraging to hear you made cinnamon rolls yesterday!

@JadesJewel , hearing how bad the symptoms you're experiencing after therapy really made me feel like I'm not struggling alone. I experienced much intensified depression, flashbacks, and suicidal ideation after my second session. It seemed insane to me that we're expected to carry on our lives after flooding. PTSD is awful and it's so upsetting to me how much it's affecting such nice people! I know just how you feel wishing you could just engage in life enjoyably. It's so inspiring to me that you still went and dealt with your PTSD knowing it would debilitate you so significantly. It encourages me to keep at it.

*calming hugs* You're in my thoughts.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

@Copper Princess , it's so encouraging to hear you made cinnamon rolls yester...

@OneToughCookie so glad that my post helped you realize you're not alone. I feel the very same way when I read a post about crap I'm dealing with and a member posts that he/she are going through same mess as me. emdr session (8th) was a Hell session. My mind took me child molester who murdered my 4 mo. old baby brother Robbie, who use to take his hands and hold my stomach down to where I could not get a breath, and played a dastardly cruel and vicious game that way for awhile. On the way home, my stomach started to hurt in area he used to push down; then at home alone, my stomach was up to 1-10 (8-9, then up to 10) pain level. Scared me so badly. Didn't know what this meant. Fortunately, another member here told me this is something that may happen when dealing with traumatic memories during T-sessions. And it did. Having to recount in emdr - the abuse is mind-bending, and last week on top of this - my precious Christian sis who played piano in our church went to be with our Lord.

In emdr session, I was experiencing the physical pain of child molester's one of many vicious torturous games when he used to abuse me, and also different sick and twisted games with my sister. That you know how I feel of not being able to fully and successfully engage in life and am not able to feel comfortable and at peace while doing so, it is good to know that I am not alone @OneToughCookie. I saw in this forum a book title: The Body Keeps The Score by: Bessel A. van der Kolk, and I'm going to call Amy at local booksellers and see if she can order this book for me. Sending you also calming and soothing healing hugs (hugs) (hugs) (hugs) right back atcha. JadesJewel

 

[ladee]

Oh @JadesJewel , how are you able to put one foot in front of the other? Blind Faith?
My heart is breaking for you and the loss of your sister.
And the body memories of the abuse.
There are no apprpriate words...but am sending prayers . God Knows how BAD you are hurting and he has his arms around you in the proof of love for you here on your healing journey.
The past and the present is colliding. Please take care of your self best you can..
In my prayers. There is strength in greif.
Setting quietly with you.
Love across the miles to you.
And so sorry for the loss of your baby brother.
.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Oh @JadesJewel , how are you able to put one foot in front of the other? Blind Faith?...

@ladee, my friend who passed away was not either of my sisters (bio nor half) this was my friend and a Christian Sister @ladee. Your warm and loving words mean so much to me for I love Pamela so very much; she suffered so much these past 12 years before she died on 1/20/17.

My baby brother (half) Robbie was murdered on 2/16/57. He was only 4 mo. old. Step-father (molester - monster) his father murdered him. Coroner's report - listed his death was due to cause undetermined. I and my bio-sis lived with mom for a short while (even after dad took custody ofMolester used to play suffocation game with me, I believe he murdered my baby brother this way (1957) I was standing by the crib when funeral home and coroner took Robbie out of our house. I remember this vividly - he was carried out of house in a type of leather luggage bag. I saw through the window as they left with him.

Half-brother Jeff (much older in his early 50's died a few years back - so much heartache he suffered at the hands of my mom; he sat down in his garage and that is where he was found (alone and deceased) with a bagful of weed next to his lawn chair. Mom got pregnant with Jeff while dad was in Navy. She was seeing a married man and got impregnated by him with Jeff. Dad called her a whore, and Jeff a bastard most all of my life. And he called me a whore as well. I look a lot like my mom.

Thank you @ladee for your warm caring words and prayers. Love. JadesJewel

 

[I_will_recover]

@Copper Princess
I was in bed today all day. Some days I get up and moving and some days i'm in bed all day. Check in with us on this forum when you're having a good day, a bad day, or just need to vent. Someone is always here. You'll find care and supported.

I bought one of the flashlights mentioned from Amazon for $10 a few months ago and then got a couple as gifts. After flashing it in my own eyes I can tell you it works well. I genuinely feel safer with it. I keep it in my purse when I leave the house and under my pillow when I sleep. I also have a bat next to my bed.

Hang in there.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

@Copper Princess
I was in bed today all day. Some days I get up and moving...

@Copper Princess I get you - after session today around 4PM I went straight to bed; and just woke up about an hour ago. I only know that when I can't handle anymore - rest, and bed. Session went sideways today. And so it goes.

So good to know @Copper Princess the flashlight works well as advertised and will help blind any offender, etc. After being on this forum and learning about other members who just when not able to cope with the day, etc. - they too rest. And other days like @Lionheart777 - I try to meoowww while he is rooooaaarrrriiiinnnnnggggg!!! What a crappy one today in session; no way of knowing the difference in a really horrible day that sucks unless I (we) have a more productive day coming ahead of us to compare this day too, right? Right. Yes, finding care and support here from members who know exactly what I (we) feel like is a treasure, a gift from @anthony that keeps on giving. I've cried so much since starting emdr (and prior) and I will never ever give up. This brain inside of my skull is going to change and reprogram and I am going to work harder even to ensure this happens @Copper Princess. And you are stronger than you think. Good for you - bats hurt and can burst cranium skulls. You go girl! Towanda! (Fried Green Tomatoes - Movie) you are not ever alone anymore. I too, try and usually succeed in checking forum for messages and am here for you @Copper Princess. Just reach out, and I and other members are here for you! With great respect. JadesJewel

 

[Deleted member 37085]

@Copper Princess
I was in bed today all day. Some days I get up and moving...

Oops! @I_will_recover misread who posted being in bed all day today; thought it was @Copper Princess. Yes @I_will_recover - it is sooo good to know what I am dealing with now after decades of not knowing. And oh yes, to be able to lie down and not feel that I have to stay up and cope and feel like hell, when I need to and do go straight to bed on days like these, well I am understanding that this to is recovery. Treating my body and mind by allowing bed even during the day or afternoon. Healing comes in all different forms. Sleeping whenever I need to is one of them. Mind and body clearly tells itself time to go down, I am not able to cope much at all today. Sleeping was what I could do for healing. Other days I am up and on my feet. No guilt - no shame. All recovery - all the time. And @I_will_recover - whenever mind and body says enough - I will go to bed. Enough said. Good for you. Taking care of yourself is tantamount before anything else positive and productive in recovery from ptsd can occur and you know this. Take care and I (we) care about you. Keep posting and sharing with members (me) here. So much support and compassion in this forum.

@Copper Princess I get you - after session today around 4PM I went straight to be...

@Copper Princess - misread and thought you stayed in bed. Oops. You keep right on protecting and taking care of yourself and your daughter. I am so proud of you for getting the TAC1100 Flashlight and for putting that bat close where it can do the most harm to anyone who even thinks about trying to hurt you and your precious daughter. I care about y'all.

 

[Lionheart]

I just skimmed this thread but wanted to say that I love the suggestion for a TAC1100 Flashlight as I am all for non-lethal means of protection such as the flashlight, stun guns, surveillance cameras, and personal attack alarms/ rape alarms etc.

By the way, I just wanted to say that while I do roar on occasion, lions are basically laid-back and even a bit lazy. @JadesJewel If I roar too loud, please tell me and know that a meow is just as nice!!!

Lionheart