Same Cycle; Different Guy

[smmkaymmmkay]

I am not even sure where to start. I recently moved to FL from VA and met a sweet man shortly after. He is everything I've been looking for. But I can't help but think he is hiding something or not telling me something and I CAN NOT figure out what it is for the life of me. Something is just "off". Maybe I am filling a void for him? I am not sure. We've been dating for 5 months and he really hasnt given me any reasons to not trust him other than this feeling I have... that I have discovered any way. ;-)

I borrowed his phone the other day as he is going to buy me some furniture for when I move in. He was literally squirming until I gave it back. I borrowed it again today and was going to scroll on the picture variations of the desk and he just wouldnt let me... he took his phone back. He has never done this. Tonight, for whatever its worth, my radar is going off! The devil loves idle hands..

He asked me to move in. I would have to give up my apartment that I just got (and cant afford) - but nevertheless have gained some freedom after leaving a very toxic guy in VA who treated me really bad. I have a long history of being cheated on. So maybe I am cooking this all up in my head? I just wonder as I am still in treatment for my cPTSD - how do you trust your "intuition"? Walk away when I love him but dont know why I'm walking away? That is so sad. I'll be absolutely DAMNED if I trust another guy at my age and it ends up being a waste. I will be crushed... sunken cost fallacy I guess.

I guess I just want some validation or advice... :-(

 

[MKEPaul]

Much of your post suggests you aren't trusting yourself, the value of your lived experiences, your earned wisdom. You also express a *legit, important* need for a partner who can care for you--and then describe a man who, by your lights, isn't maybe doing a great job caring for himself? Total stranger here, whose Cptsd has caused hella more leaping than looking, so big grain of salt: maybe this is a "push pause" moment. I respect the financial pressure/hope for home stability part all too well. It's good to ask "Is this good for me, too?" You're worth it, right?

 

[Susan Jane]

Welcome to the forum… I trust my gut instincts when it comes to relationships. I haven’t had one for a long time because I cannot handle the uncertainty I feel. I have mostly had relationships with guys who cannot communicate, are often vague about things and tend to be somewhat narcissistic. That said I am indecisive and somewhat insecure… not a great combo, so I would rather not get involved… to many stressors for my CPTSD…I hear you… No advice other than … my gut decisions are normally right, even though I would prefer not to listen. I practice complete honesty with my friends and practice to trust their love and support is something I deserve which has been a long hard road for me. . I focus on friends, my son and sister. That is enough stress for my nerves

 

[Movingforward10]

Hmmm ...5 months is not a long time. You are both getting to know each other. Moving in already doesn't sound that great, particularly if you are thinking he is cheating.

Have you asked him? Or spoken about your feelings?

Maybe he is cheating. Maybe he isn't. You're in limbo at the moment.

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

Did you find out?

I would ask, having had problems of my own i get uncomfortable when someone else is using my phone. Not because I have done anything or would. Probably even worry that someone might see I'm on here and not understand or take it the wrong way. Especially in a new relationship.

At the same time, trust your gut. If you think there is something then there is.

 

[whiteraven]

Hmmm ...5 months is not a long time. You are both getting to know each other. Moving in already doesn't sound that great, particularly if you are thinking he is cheating.

This!