Saw My New T ... But What To Do Now?

[Hashi]

@ghotiff well done, I think that is wonderful!

 

[ghotiff]

Thanks @Hashi....I couldn't have written that email without the support here. You may notice how many words I've 'borrowed' from others on this forum.

I think I like my new T. There were a number of times where I kind-of tested her a bit by saying things that I have said to other T's and noting how she approached a response.

Her best approach was to the SI thing. The last 2 T's didn't actually comment on it, more of took it down as a note and moved on. This hurt a little because I know I was okay on the SI scale....but its still horrible and it really scared me (I was far worse on the scale when I was younger).

My new T very slowly, and carefully told me that there is a long way between thinking SI and acting on it, so while its scary (can't remember what she said here, but she was trying to say I should try and relax a bit, that she won't freak out about it, but she did this without me feeling crap)....AND...then she told me that some level of SI given my past etc was unfortunately (her word) to be expected during the course of our work, but she would like me to be able to talk with her about it.

Very supportive stuff, and not minimising (well it was for me anyway, and in this situation....I am the one who counts). I know it sounds a little crazy, but knowing that SI (given that until recently I've been free of it for decades) is to be expected helps me calm down a bit. I was very frightened of going back to the SI where I was when I was younger.

 

[City Slicker]

@ghotiff, such a clear and honest letter. I hope the journey with this therapist is awesomely rewarding. Well done!

 

[Hashi]

I know it sounds a little crazy, but knowing that SI (given that until recently I've been free of it for decades) is to be expected helps me calm down a bit. I was very frightened of going back to the SI where I was when I was younger.

I don't think it sounds at all crazy. It's much better to be realistic, non-judgemental and able to talk about what's going on. To normalise it isn't to encourage it, it's to see it for what it is and avoid possible judgement and feeling alone with it, which would only make everything worse. To deal with it as best you can, you (and your therapist) need to accept it.

I like how your new therapist approached this.

 

[Suzetig]

It sounds like your new therapist has a really nice approach, well done on sending your email - I'm so pleased it seems to have set the scene for your therapist.

 

[Pencil]

When I was in my early twenties I went through a nasty breakup and I had awful revenge fantasies that really worried me and made me feel ashamed of myself. I confessed this to my therapist who waved it away with - 'Oh, your fantasies will help you get rid of the anger, and you'll be less likely to act on it, so go for it'. So I did, and it worked. I know it is not the same thing, but it is .. sort of the same thing. Just knowing something is okay makes us feel okay about ourselves.

 

[ghotiff]

Thanks everyone.

The other thing I like about my new T is that she talks slowly and leaves lots of gaps between her sentences. Its funny, because I don't generally like this in the 'real' world ... but I really like it in therapy as I struggle to understand what she is 'really' saying, then I struggle with what I want to say, and then I struggle to say it. With my ex-T, by the time I had worked out what to say, she had moved on from that topic and the moment had passed.