Scapegoating In The Family And Its Consequence.

[Britt.f7]

But they did not respond

They may have heard you Gizmo. I remember the adults who chose to ignore and those who showed more compassion towards me. I'm not sure if I showed it back, as it was always difficult to accept someone being nice to me. However, I did remember and I, even to this day, feel lucky that there were those who cared. Even if they didn't know they made a difference.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I remember my second grade teacher popped her head out of the window and threw me a crystal necklace. I loved it but always wondered why she did that for me.

 

[Tanishq]

It's hard to trust yourself when you have someone like that breathing over your shoulder, acting like you aren't trustworthy...when it's actually him that isn't trustworthy.

Yes Philipia, It took lot of time to find his truth that he is the one who is not trustworthy. He created so many confusion so I can't know the truth and kept my mind on what he wanted. But as we know, one can't be fooled for so long.

I also made some major mistakes. I talked to his relatives who were same like him and made assure that they won't let my father what I talked about. I gave away information to them what I love and how I enjoy. They let knew this all my dad and he blackmailed on this all.

Now everyday he is losing control over me and I think after some years relationship will be over for forever. I have no feelings for bad people like him who deliberately do privacy invasion, snatch away freedom and force others to believe what he thinks and wants to.

 

[Tanishq]

Complicated relationship to say the least.

Hi Britt,
Any relationship should be based on acceptance and understanding. If these two things aren't there, then it will be hard for both side no matter the position.

My young sis never gives to others. She has become like my parents. Don't give first, first take it. Then they might not think to give things to others. My young sis is going to become all about taking. It won't work for long time and people will start seeing her inner misery. She is very boring and doesn't take interest in things. She takes interest only if she is winning all the time. She has no guts to accept little failures either. She hates making mistakes. Just like dad. She whines a lot that things are not in her favor. She is becoming annoying person. If someone is talking with her she will nod and will give fake attention. But when she is talking to you, if you carry on your work and tell her you really are listening to her, she will yell or get mad immediately. She is controlling,too.

 

[Britt.f7]

Hi Jaret. Sounds similar to my sister. Very hard to deal with. I do wonder, at times, if I think this about her, what must she think of me. I feel horrible when thinking about her in a bad light. Even if it is truth to me.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Britt, I feel terrible thinking the truthful bad thoughts about my sister too. I have felt like I have been betraying her just talking about my feelings with her. I am not betraying her. I am telling the truth. It is true abusers suck the life out of you. This is a ongoing problem that has been going on for years. I am so tired of it now. I will have to change me and be more honest with her.

I have been enabling her illusions about me. I do not want to do that anymore. I know that there are some things I will not say to her because there is no point to it all.

It is so hard dealing with family that is toxic. But my hands are not clean. I have been a part of this for so long. I have given up so long ago. I just woke up out of denial concerning her and it hurts. I have to do alot of things. I wish you the best with your sister Britt. I wish you strength and courage.

 

[Britt.f7]

Thank you Gizmo, I will especially need those wishes for this upcoming family gathering.

 

[Tanishq]

Hi Britt,

I did ask her what she thinks about me. She told me she wants to teach me things by being mirror for me. I was absolute sure that moment she doesn't know what she is saying and floating on something. It sounded she wants to overpower me.

She said why I am not respecting dad and why I am staying away from him. I knew that time she is voicing my dad and she is trying to impress me so I apologize to dad and go back to his bullying tactics and worship him like dad. Then she said she will do the same to me. She doesn't know that dad is intimidating and sometimes that also leaves my young sis extremely frustrated with dad. She doesn't know anything. It gets ridiculous as she talks about being mature actually she is not.

When I expose her something and then let her know what she has been doing. She shuts up her mouth and falls into trap of misinterpreting things. Then taking it negatively. It is same like dad, fooling yourself. Then her anger will thwart.

Britt, I feel sorry for my young sis. But I don't hesitate to say her, you're going to have hard time in your life. She lacks sense of self and she gets clueless when it comes to feel and make efforts. She doesn't know she needs to understand many things. There are many things in her life. Such as life, daily chores, communication with people. Dad made her as he wanted. There is only one thing in life and that is to read books which will give her degree and will make her millionaire. At whose expense? Her life's other things.

gizmo, I understand why you feel like betraying her. You can't do anything. You can look at me, I know what she is doing and I can't do anything for her. She is not willing to receive help. People like our sis will always be stuck at some point. They play a game where they are constantly hiding themselves. Hiding from their own fears, insecurities and many other issues. They never overcome such things. They have no idea what they are relying upon might not be there tomorrow. Nothing is constant in this life like change has been.

It's like twisting some natural laws and try to live against it, not possible. Never.

Don't feel bad when you are dealing with reality. Be happy that you have courage to accept this all. You may find people who are so afraid to deal with reality and try to pretend it is ok. It's not safe, it won't help you. What you are doing at the moment will certainly help you in future, if not now.

Big hugs to britt and gizmo.

 

[Britt.f7]

Thank you Jaret for your sentiments and hugs. Hugs back to you.

 

[Philippa]

I thought of you when I was reading this article gizmo, so thought I'd better link it.

http://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/healing-from-narcissistic-abuse/

Melanie is really great and knows her stuff.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thanks Philipia, I put it in my favorites and will practice reading it. That was really thoughtful of you. This is the second time today someone has said personality disorder regarding my sister. It is really good and interesting.

 

[Philippa]

I don't know whether your sister has a personality disorder or not, but the reason I wanted to post the link to you was that Melanie tends to put the emphasis on the healing of the person affected by abuse, in this case, narcissistic abuse, but in general, she gives some very helpful advice on how to heal and love ourselves more, so that we are no longer a match for abusive people to be attracted into our lives.