Scared of PTSD Diagnosis

[piglet]

Feel like that was a complete waste of time! I was waiting for 45 mins, only in there for 15 minutes. Got asked lots of questions, but could get no straight answers. Apparently I have lots of the symptoms of ptsd, but because there is no way of telling how I was before my trauma, and the fact that I suffered extended trauma (age 4/5 to 18 when I finally managed to leave home for good), rather than a single event, the woman said it's NOT ptsd. However, I am being referred to a trauma counsellor for a 30 session course of therapy - there is a 10 month waiting list for this though (I'll just sit and go crazy while I wait....) So, I have suffered trauma, and we are now 12 years past the end of that trauma - hence the "post" trauma bit. I can't cope with stress like "normal" people, so one could say I had a stress disorder. Sorry about the tone people, but feeling very sarcastic.

Have already done therapy every week for three years before, but still ended back at square 1 after only 18 months, so how's 30 sessions going to help? Feeling very disappointed, as I was hoping for some answers, or at least some idea of how I can sort myself out enough to get back to work part-time. I guess my expectations were a bit too high.

Oh - she recommended I read a book called Understanding childhood trauma. Had it for years along with several others, and it's not one of the better ones. Judith Herman's Trauma and Recovery is the best I've come across so far in helping me understand things. Trouble is, it doesn't matter how many books and websites I read, I still can't manage! Any of you guys know some good ptsd/trauma books?

Anyway, guess the next step is to wait and see what the GP and Oc Health say. Meantime, I'm still twiddling my thumbs, tapping fingers and jiggling feet while my colleagues think I'm skiving. Joy. Going for a long walk with the dog, so maybe I'll stamp out some of this angry stuff...

 

[Sunrise]

Hi Piglet,
My 10 cents worth.
Try not to fear the diagnosis. It is only their opinion. If you are diagnosed as having PTSD it is not going to make you any different. What ever symptoms you have now you will have then.
A diagnosis of PTSD might help to lead you to therapy that works.
PTSD can come about as easily from ongoing situations as from single events and the effects can be just as bad. Bear in mind that PTSD was not proclaimed as a condition till 1980. How many wars, accidents assaults were there before that? And if you have been through trauma(s) and are later affected by them, then that is the reality and you deserve help with it whatever it gets called by someone who does a diagnosis.

I would hate to see you wait out a waiting list like that. There has gotta be someone who can help. Try a different doctor for a referral, find some others who have been down this road, strike out on your own if you have to be but find someone what can give you real help. It may not be the first person you try. If you have been at it with one person for this long and you feel you are no better, I would be looking elsewhere. Some people get therapy form many quarters before they discover someone who can give real help.
And please be aware, while this is hell on wheels, lost of people hold down responsible jobs with PTSD, but I can’t imagine doing it without support from a capable party while you are doing it.

Say with it mate, and stay in touch.
Love and support for the journey.

 

[anthony]

Yep, you beat me too it Sunrise. Thanks.

Its unfortunate Piglet that the specific doctor you went to hasn't diagnosed you if you do actually have PTSD. The person you have been giving your deepest darket secrets in counselling for years, who says you do have PTSD, is probably the more knowledgable on your particular matter.

The first diagnosis means nothing, and I will give you my personal example and those of very close friends around me who have PTSD, and the problems associated with diagnosis. I should have told you this before you went... my bad!

A civilian shrink employed by the Army didn't believe in PTSD. The reason for that, was that the shrink himself had PTSD, as he was an ex Vietnam Vet. He said everything was stress related to anyone who went to see him. I refused to see him, was forced, told him what I thought and didn't want to be their, and the conversation lasted a few seconds. I went to a specialist GP in PTSD, who knew I had it the moment he saw me. He referred me to another specialist shrink in PTSD, who also knew I had it the moment he saw me. No problems there...

When I went to do the PTSD course some year and a bit later, you must go through their shrink, who is supposed to be a PTSD specialist, though when I seen him, I was somewhat calmer and a little more educated and relaxed... thus he had to poke me a bit to even think I had PTSD.

Mine wasn't too much a drama. Now, for others who I have served with, these are real life events before being diagnosed.

One soldier of mine who was only new to the Army, deployed with me. He did things, and seen things as I had done. He didn't handle it very well at all on return, and slowly got worse over the course of a year. They thought he was mad actually. He was doing drugs, crime, bashing people in outbursts, going AWOL, and a long long list... they thought that locking him up would fix the problem. He seen doctors, so called shrinks that knew what they where doing, and they thought he had other mental illnesses, none of which he did. This continued, and he ended up in a nut house for some time, escaped from a maximum security nut house, before being caught and locked up in normal jail for crimes... This was not him... not even close... but it took all this before a shrink actually realized that he had PTSD, and they where treating him for the wrong problems. He is now very fine again today, on the right medications and being educated for the correct illness. Mind you, it took him a year or more of all this going on before they got it right.

Another friend of mine, same instances, seen the same as me, done similar things, been diagnosed with PTSD from one shrink, though is having problems getting compensation as the military shrinks don't believe he had PTSD at all, and was diagnosed incorrectly. Thus, this type of stuff around pushed him also to the point where PTSD was in full flight, and violence, pain and suffering to many occurred. It took this action, which was by no means deliberate, just a consequence of pathetic diagnosis and stuff around, they realized that maybe the first shrink got it right, and he did actually have PTSD. Anyway, the first doctor was the same one who diagnosed me correctly, as he has been dealing with PTSD for most of his shrink days, 20+ years, and he knows from just looking at you, and a quick chat whether you have PTSD.

I have many many more of these stories, from people who have been caught up in the red tape, and basically until PTSD pushed them to explosion, nothing was done to help them correctly.

From what I gather, some shrinks find it hard to diagnose someone with PTSD, because it is such a huge diagnosis to give a person, unlike other mental illnesses. They will often want you to see them more, go through programs and all the BS, just to see whether you get any better or not. Those who generally do not get better, get worse, and are those that normally have PTSD, as PTSD symptoms will push you to the point of frustration, which I sometimes wonder if that is what some of these doctors want.

It will get worse before it gets better, I have no doubt at all. I would honestly be seeking second and third opinions, and more to the point, ensure you have some sort of report from your counsellor who is the one saying you have PTSD. They will know more than a shrink in a first visit, unless that shrink is an absolute specialist in PTSD, and they know it like the back of their hand. They are few and far between. I was only lucky enough to have one, as I was in a purely military community, being Townsville, which is where most of the best support for these type of illnesses can be found.

I would do some homework on your shrinks, and ensure they are a good one that actually knows about PTSD, had dealt with it before, and your not exposing yourself to some newbie shrink who has never dealt with PTSD before. There are a lot around...

Everyone I actually know personally, who has been diagnosed with PTSD, was actually told by a counsellor who is qualified in dealing with the matter. Its just that they can't actually make the diagnosis, only the recommendation. I would have a supporting letter from your counsellor though, outlining what they believe from their experience with you, as that will help things along quicker, so you get the right treatment, and not stuffed around so much.

 

[anthony]

Hang in there, it does get better. If someone who knows what their doing with PTSD says you don't have it, then you may atleast find out what the problem is exactly... instead of just one diagnosis from a shrink that could have little idea or experience with PTSD itself.

 

[piglet]

Thanks for the advice. Had a little while to reflect on things, and think maybe I was just expecting too much from my appointment. I guess I'm still trying to cling on to the idea that there is a magic solution to it all - for example, being told "if you do this, then the nightmares will stop, you will be able to think straight and get back to normal life". Not much fun being faced with reality. Kind of puts the whole denial thing out of the window!

Having the pressure to go back to work doesn't help either, cos it makes me feel bad for not keeping everything under control. I'm having stupid ideas of going back to work - not cos I'm feeling better, but because it will get my employer off my back and i'll have something else to think about instead of driving myself crazy. Thing is, the whole reason I had to stop work was cos I couldn't think straight - i'd be trying to answer a student's question and keep getting unpleasant images instead of the information I was trying to remember. It was making me look like I didn't know my stuff, which kind of put me at a major disadvantage - didn't do much for my confidence either!

I keep coming back to the idea that if I just get a decent night's sleep with no nightmares, things would be so much better. That decent sleep is a real elusive bugger though.

Oh well, I guess these things are sent to try us. It'll get sorted eventually, I'm just short of patience at the moment.

 

[anthony]

Oh well, I guess these things are sent to try us. It'll get sorted eventually, I'm just short of patience at the moment.

Oh, you better believe it when it comes to PTSD and the initial stages of treatment and diagnosis. I was a mess during the process, getting bounced from doctor to doctor, having to see this person, that, then someone else for another bit, all just to tell me I had PTSD... I was ready to strangle someone at the end.

Hang tough... you can make it through this whole ordeal. See other doctors, get referrals, and keep all the counsellors and doctors you end up seeing in the same loop, so they can deal with things easier, which makes your life easier in the end.

 

[piglet]

Just had an "assertive discussion" with the GP. Wanted to sign me off for another 4 weeks! I eventually accepted 2 weeks with a note to say that a phased return to work could be considered. I'll now have to wait and see if work will give me a reasonable phased return or not - if not, then GP is going to make me stay off much longer.

I guess this is the right thing to do, as I know damn well that otherwise I will go back too soon - classic avoidance tactics. It will only end in tears, or worse.

GP has also sent a stroppy letter to occupational health. They want more details, GP says they have enough info (work is gossip central, so I'm not keen for them to have more info than absolutely necessary). A comment was also made about two oc health letters coming from 2 different docs - on top of that, both were signed by the secretary in doctor's absence! How's that for continuity and confidentiality?

Still no proper diagnosis either. I know it won't make much difference to me and how I feel, but it irritated me somewhat when a colleague said "we've got 4 people off now - you and 3 others will proper illness" I asked why I was in a separate category and was answered "well, your just off with stress aren't you?". I wish I could say 'I have xyz... go look it up'.

Don't we all wish we had "proper illnessess"?!

 

[piglet]

Have just sent an e-mail off to a specialist trauma centre. It's about an hour's drive from where I live. It's damn expensive and I can't really afford to go there for therapy, but maybe they can give me some advice on how to balance symptoms with work. Otherwise, I'm going to end up muddling through for the next 10 months, or however long it takes to get help on the NHS. I'm also thinking that even when my case gets passed onto a therapist, I might not get on with them, and then I'll have to wait even longer for someone different.

Why is it so damn hard to get some help? Sorry - feeling like throwing my teddy out of the pram!!

 

[anthony]

Its actually not... its just our symptoms give us little to no patience in these matters. The health system has always been this way, its just made worse when you ad PTSD to the equation. What seemed like a bearable wait, now isn't. I actually leave appointments now if I'm waiting for half an hour past the scheduled time, and silly things like that. Sometime I continue and just never go back, sometimes I slap myself around, wake up and realize that this is normal... and I'm not the most important person to be seen.