Scared To Ask - But I Need Opinions

[Kunoichi]

Hi all,

I had something happen to me Monday that I know only a part of it. Now I do not wish to offend anyone, but this will contain my own faith beliefs, and own psychological thoughts.

I want to know some of your opinion, especially those who have had experience with depersonalization.

Monday night, I ended up regressing, dissociating and blacking out heavily. After I came to, my fiancee told me it was like I was a different person.

He said that my voice was like a little kid and I was talking to him. Apparently the things I spoke about were about how I had to "follow the rules" and things of that nature (part of my brainwashing - I don't remember much of this...although I do remember that I did it).

I remember the other part of me...the one who seemed to be fighting this part of me...when I was able to "control" myself..(i felt very out of control) I got scared, panicky. And the other part of me would laugh, saying how it was funny that this part of me was trying to fight for freedom, because it didn't exist.

My hubby and I started to pray. I believe in demons and while i don't think i was possessed, I do feel that they were oppressing me. As we were praying, I started to feel more in control and started to remember where i was and who i was with.

In my opinion, I also know that there was a psychological events going on (split identity or something) but at the same time I do believe that there were real spiritual as well. I'm not saying I was possessed and don't mean to say that everyone with split identity is..just saying i believe i was being oppressed.

So my question is..psychologically...what would this be? I was abused at 15/16 years old to 21 years old.

For those that have conflicting beliefs..please just address what psychological aspects this could be...i don't want to cause a debate and for those that have the same faith thoughts, i would appreciate your PM.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this.

Kunoichi

 

[beatle_bailey]

kunoichi

also so not to offend any one s beliefs .

If you believe ! God works thru people then that would mean demons also work thru people or just thru our minds .

But the responce I just read that you posted ,show me that you have a great cappascidy for others , that your heart still has much love to offer others .

My hat is off to you young Lady .

The love and compassion you have and show for others bring a tear of joy to my heart , as happens from many people in here that I have met .
Beatle

 

[freya]

I can only offer my guess... My guess is you probably were triggered so you 'fell' into a different state of mind... Reliving things... not being in the now. I think it's great that you prayed. I think to turn to a Higher Power canl help you connect to state of feeling more calm. I don't believe in demons as a reality but I can imagine you feeling that way. I think I've felt something like that when reliving things from the past.

I can also understand, I think, about the split you experienced.

I tend to think that sometimes some memories/ experiences WANT to be re-experienced and they can force themselves on you at times. So maybe that's part of it.

Wishing for you to have strength, and peace, and to find ways to deal with this...

Freya

 

[Kunoichi]

Beatle,

Thank you for those kind words! I don't see myself this way...but I don't see myself in many ways that are true lol thank you again!

Freya,

I can understand the "falling" into a different state..but its never ever happened that way before. Not once. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it, but I was wondering if it could be another "identity"? I have heard about that before.

 

[2notbedefeated]

I think you are asking what might be spiritual and what might be psychological in trying to understand your experience Monday. I know this could very well be a loaded" and "hot topic" for some, but I will share my own experience and what I have read about these things. In sharing this, I just want others to know that I certainly do not want to impose my beliefs and thoughts on another.

I am a passionate lover of God, believe in God, and I also believe in spiritual warfare. I believe those who love God can be oppressed as you say. I too, am not always so clear on whether one who loves God can be possessed or not. My gut reaction is "no" I don't think that is possible, oppression, yes that's perhaps is possible

I feel I will be taking a risk as I share my own personal view and experiences, but I hope that I do not offend or turn anyone off by it. I too, am in that process of understanding I think what we all want to know.

I think we all are searching for something very similar, and that, perhaps, is to try and understand why things happen the way they do, and how do we make sense of these two "realms" spiritual and psychological. Myself included. I'm no expert and to be honest, I think I would be wary of anyone who said they were. Anyway.....

I believe that God has a "mission" or plan for our lives. I also believe that the Devil/demons have a "mission" to destroy our lives and to prevent us from fulfilling God's plan for us.

I know there are psychological reasons for things. I also know that demons can be very "wise" in some ways too. They certainly will not pass by an opportunity to take advantage of a person, especially a person that wants to love and serve God. I think demons will certainly try to take advantage of a person's situation/vulnerabililty (however you want to put it).

Also, I believe that God has authority and power over demons. With these beliefs (my beliefs) in mind, I look at the following experiences I have had and still ponder at times how it all fits. At one time it was thought that I was Multiple Personality (MPD or DID). This was over 5 years ago.

I say this because about 5 years ago I was exhibiting some pretty strange behaviors, it was thought perhaps I had dissociative personality disorder (multiple personality). When friends came together to pray for me there seemed to be a "break through" and release of some things I was not previously able to control or change.

I was seeing a God believing counselor who felt that a Christian (I use "Christian", in order to shorten my having to always say, one who believes in God) could be oppressed by demons and could be, in some cases, the reason why Christians could be suffering from MPD (or DID).

Personally, I do feel that there are "true" cases of MPD/DID where the demonic is not the cause, but that psychological reasons could be the reason. I feel that it is a person to person, case by case, situation. What may be the case in one's situation, may not be the case in anothers. Does that make sense? I'm doing my best to make it clear, but I don't know how successful I'm being.

I have had similar experiences of which you describe and feel that I have been oppressed by demons. I struggle from time to time with depersonalization and dissociation. It is not real clear to me if these are always caused by demonic oppression or not, however, I have had others pray for me and felt that demons that were perhaps "attached" to me left, and once I was prayed for and I myself took God's authority over the situation I was "freed" from many of my strange thoughts and behaviors I felt "controlled by".

Yet, I find today, being over 5 years from this point, I do have flashbacks, recall of memories, thoughts and emotions that would pose the question of whether this is purely a psychological phenomena or a spiritual one. For example, a week ago Friday, I had something very similiar to what you described above happen to me.

I got triggered by the way my husband responded to me. I, in that moment, (probably an over-reaction on my part, more than true perception), felt criticized by him. I tend to be so very sensitive, too sensitive probably, to criticism, demands, rejections, etc.- they are triggers for me.

I am sharing with you what my husband told me, because I do not any remembrance of this event.

Anyway, I ended up rushing back to the bedroom, curled up into a ball, and began to cry out in a very little, child-like voice, "I sorry, I sorry, I sorry" over and over I cried this out until I fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning I had not remembered this ever happened, but my husband said that it did. So........

I have had 3 other previous experiences in the past 2 months where I had the same reaction. I curled up into a ball and would cry out in a very child-like voice, I sorry, I sorry, I sorry, over and over again until I "faded away" and either went to sleep or would come back to awareness awhile later.

Yet, again, once I was prayed for back a few years ago, these areas in my life no longer "plague and control" me and where I now walk in "freedom".

I don't have any firm answers for you. Just food for thought. Personally, for me, I think and handle each situation individually based on the circumstances. I think both are true, psychological and demons, it depends on each person's individual circumstances. What is true for one, may or may not be true for another.

I like to pray and ask God for understanding, clarity, and wisdom in each individual circumstance. You need to decide based on what you feel God is personally saying and showing you. This is just a few of my thoughts. :)

 

[Mina]

I agree with much of what 2not says. Sending you a PM on this as well.

 

[Kunoichi]

2not,

thank you for sharing :) I agree with a lot of what you have said. In my mind, EVERYTHING involves both physical and spiritual battles so to say that MPD/DID doesn't have ANY spiritual to it, I would disagree...but I still think that it is a viable, mental illness brought on by trying to form "identities" in order to handle abuse. Our minds are very complex things.

I don't think that this is an "either/or". It is both spiritual and psychological. I am going to bring this up to my T, however, even though she does not put her faith/or no faith, views on anything and will look at this from a purely psychological perspective.

Something you said in regards to feeling better when you prayed. In my opinion, that is because we are allowing God to get some control in us.

Now for any that read this, like I said..i do believe this to be a real psychological condition and for my own part, to have spiritual as well.

I was more so wondering if this COULD be DID or a form of depersonalization, as i want my T to be aware in case any new treatment needs to be started (confronting my past, CBT or what have you.)

BTW hun thankyou for writing and posting. I agree with what you have to say wholeheartedly ^_^

Mina, I look forward to your PM!

 

[midi]

My grandmother suffered from split personalities - multiple personalities. Nobody got her any help whatsoever and they treated her like crap and denied the real cause (rape) of her torment. She had it from the time she was a child, and then dementia did the rest in her last years.

But that was 80 years ago. Now, we are more open about issues. It's amazing that you are open and looking for help!

We all have different belief systems and they help us, comfort us, soothe us. All belief systems are valid.

I'd talk to both your spiritual elders and medical professionals.

 

[Kunoichi]

Midi,

I was not abused as a young child and rather later on (15/16 yrs old)...is it still possible to develop MPD/DID or even a mild form of it?

 

[midi]

It doesn't matter how old you are when the trauma takes place. What is important is realizing that the mind does its best to cope--if that means splitting the personality or completely blocking out segments of time or, like I do, completely shutting out all externals... then the mind will.

What happens to me is I'll be in the room, in my own little world and people will try to interact but they don't get any response at all from me. They say that it's like I'm awake, but nobody's home.

It's ok. I accept that I do this really maladaptive behaviour and I'm working hard to break it - and it's been my entire life that I've zoned out frequently.

There is no shame in what happened or what is happening. People can be traumatized at any age.

 

[Luthien]

This sounds like classic flashback and regression to me..with some dissociating thrown in to confuse things. (you answered your own question)

Those ones are very hard...especially if you remember it. If you don't though it is very confusing and scary. Try not to worry about it, and dwell on it too much, because knowing the answer about how it happens isn't what you need to figure out.(what happens is that you get a bad trigger, your mind and body can't distinguish the difference between now and then, and you react as if you're there once again, even your body language, voice, and actions will be different. In a sense, it is demons that cause it...but not the little horned kind, that you were referring to...the demons of the past...namely awful memories)

The best you can do is distinguish your trigger and either avoid it like nothing else, or try to desensitize yourself from it. Only you can tell which of those two approaches would be better.

I can't comment on any of the spiritual stuff, except to say that if praying is helpful to you, keep up with it. Especially in situations like this where you need it most.

Take care.

 

[Kunoichi]

Ty for your responses on the psychological aspects to this. And while I know not everyone agrees with my faith that is ok ^_^ For those that PMed me your thoughts, thank you as well! :)