Scared To Go For A Walk

[pathos]

I think you got it exactly when you said you feel exposed. It's why I stay in my room. I'm 100% hidden in my room, no one can see me, or even know I exist. Outside I'm... vulnerable. It's not even that people may be judging me - it's that they can SEE me.

Walking with my dog is a bit easier but it's also another thing for them to see me doing. Like, now they have another thing to attack me about - my walking the dog, how I'm walking the dog, the dog itself, etc....

 

[JustBe]

My Therapist keeps trying to get me to see that those are my own negative thoughts and not what other people might be thinking but its very hard.

 

[Misul]

Pathos,

That's exactly how I feel. I think doing things like going to the store is easier because there are more people and I don't feel I would be watched. Does that make sense? Being so exposed is terribly frightening. And I completely understand your feelings about walking with your dog. In fact, I'd probably feel that way, too.

/sigh

 

[maddog]

I am another who battles terribly with the painful feeling of being exposed when in public. Once triggered, this feeling can become an obsession of panic and anxiety and can reach frightening intensity, almost as though I was wandering around naked and with a glaring neon sign blinking over my head to draw attention to myself. Clearly, these are my own feelings and not reality. Sadly, there are things about me that do tend to mean that people look at me more than they ordinarily would, but again, I am sure it is almost never as pronounced, persistent or malicious as I often feel it is.

I wish there was a silver bullet for dealing with this... among other things. At some point, exposure, persistence and desensitisation sometimes feel like the only way I can push through it. Distracting myself sometimes helps a little too, as though the sense that my attention is distracted away from myself somehow means the same will be true for others.

Maddog

 

[Deleted member 20280]

My Therapist keeps trying to get me to see that those are my own negative thoughts and not what other people might be thinking but its very hard.

For myself this is the irrational fear caused by the memories of being that vulnerable child that was always in fear of strangers.the trepidation caused by repressed thoughts of anquish. "my mum, dad used to hurt, abuse me. Will this man, woman hurt, abuse me.

My own journey and want to fix my inner self have driven me to face this fear head on. Making those first all important steps are the hardest but I find with a safety net in place I have all but overcome this fear now and can walk head up no longer in fear.

Hope this helps

Massive HUGS x

 

[Misul]

Yes, I guess I just don't trust human beings in general since my abuse came from many sources, inside my family and out. My mother constantly told me I was weird and retarded (I was a very quiet child who was always studying something way beyond my age; now I know I have Aspergers) and I went to a private school where literally my entire grade would form a group around me and tease me. Everything I did was always picked apart.

I don't feel like "one of them"; a human being. I feel that I'm a different species. I'm eccentric anyways to most people since I'm just so different from everyone in how I move, talk, etc (at least it's in a good way) so that doesn't help.

I felt very exposed at my old job that was just a huge office space with hundreds of cubicles. I was always a nervous wreck because I couldn't hide except on breaks when I'd escape to the "quiet room". People always bothered me about the few things on my desk, like my traditional tea set and anything relating to my culture, and I hated questions. I wouldn't take anything down b/c of other people, though. I refuse to give in like that.

You guys are really helping me understand myself better. Thank you so much. :D

I did read about hypersensitivity and I guess that's what it might be, but I don't feel on guard, just scared and exposed.

 

[Sammyxxx]

I have had issues with this for years, on a good day I am fine and can go miles but on a bad day I cannot leave the house. I have found wearing sunglasses can help sometimes as they help me to feel more protected from others. I have also found that going somewhere no one knows me works - another town miles away. Today was a very bad day and even though I was dressed by 8am and determined to go for a walk its now 8pm and all day I just couldn't do it and each time I tried to talk myself into heading out there were floods of tears.

 

[Jenfa]

I used to hike in the acres around my neighborhood by myself as a teenager. It was sooooooo relaxing, like a vacation in the middle of the day. I think watching too many awful headlines in the news made me fearful of being alone in the woods. That, and countless horror movies. I haven't attempted to walk by myself in years. When I have to, I put on this commando mentality jacket over my fear and walk like I'm about to drop-kick the first person that talks to me. I can only imagine what my facial expression is lol

 

[JustBe]

I used to wear that "jacket" in Middle and High School. I was so anxious and scared all the time. Everyone thought I was so tough! NOT!

On a happier note... yesterday I went for a walk in the woods with the dogs and didn't have much anxiety!!

The photo I took of this waterfall was proof! ;)