General Secondary PTSD - What Is It In Relation To Spouses?

[Deleted member 93]

OK, new spin. I have a teenager who has dealt with every aspect of this. I know my 2 middle kids have anxiety issues... oldest who has been exposed to most seems most put together, and I do not want the toddler this way (like the 13 and almost 9 yo). I now after the move I have the oldest and youngest. What is the risk factor for kids getting this?

Sadly my son does what he can to watch for me especially now he is the same age as I was on my own and only a year younger than I was when pregnant with him... He knows. So he is getting big and protective of me.

 

[anthony]

The risk is very low if emotions are truly discussed, and not just the surface of the problem. True emotionally depth often means pain, vunerability and so forth, and unless children grow up in that environment to begin with, often you will only peel the layer off, not get to the core, which then means the chances increase that they will suffer depression, panic attacks and so forth. Talk is what its all about... ridding ourselves off negative emotions. If a child is talking to a friend even, and that discussion is at the core of their emotional issues, then the emotions are out of them atleast. Its only when they are bottled up the risk increases.

 

[Deleted member 93]

well, the teen boy certainly does not bottle up, if any thing some of what he says about his dad disturbs me! He lets me know when he is upset with me and we alk about it. Don't think he gets it but he seems to put on a good act.

 

[anthony]

Then that is healthy veiled, and very little chance of attributing secondary PTSD as a result.

 

[funkyfresh]

Hey guys, would anyone be willing to share some information on their experience of secondary PTSD with me? I am writing an article on the aspect of this subject and it would be great to hear from some of you who suffer from this to make others more aware of this. Thanks.

 

[Pops]

I myself have been diagnosed with Secondary PTSD through my other half suffering. I have seen a Counsellor a few times (as much for my other halfs peace of mind than anything) and it has helped to have someone to talk to but I refuse to make more out of this than there is.

My other half is the one who is really suffering, what I feel is nothing in comparrison and I feel uneasy when people want to give me supporting him and going through a miniscule bit of what he is a name.

But they do and they have and to be honest, if it makes my man feel better, Ill see whoever I need to.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Pops,

Don't minimize what you are going through, it can be very awful and challenging, too. You don't have to compare your pain to anyone else- whatever you feel at any given time is valid! (-Doesn't mean you love your other half any less or are in any way not being compassionate towards him.)

I can just say speaking for myself, minimizing the validity of feelings (about traumas) is very "ptsd-characteristic"- that I'm used to.

But, in fact, the more you, as a carer, acknowledge how you are affected/feel, the better methods you can share with your other half to help him do the same (even if it's just through your example).

Every potentially helpful resource for either of you can be of help for both of you, even in a small way, especially when you are commited to one another.

 

[anthony]

Secondary PTSD can easily develop into PTSD if not treated through counselling, discussion and techniques to assist you to remove the anxiety and other issues immediately. I have seen a spouse end up nastier than the sufferer because of secondary PTSD... which I believe she had developed PTSD itself undiagnosed from viewing her interaction with a group having him beside her. She had turned into a drunk, etc etc... all quite nasty and she never endured trauma uniquely, just all the trauma that she lived with from her husband having untreated PTSD. A person with PTSD can be quite nasty at the best of times, which is traumatic for someone who is not ready for it. Trauma comes in many many forms....

 

[Pops]

Dear Pops,

Don't minimize what you are going through, it can be very awful and challenging, too. You don't have to compare your pain to anyone else- whatever you feel at any given time is valid! (-Doesn't mean you love your other half any less or are in any way not being compassionate towards him.)

I can just say speaking for myself, minimizing the validity of feelings (about traumas) is very "ptsd-characteristic"- that I'm used to.

But, in fact, the more you, as a carer, acknowledge how you are affected/feel, the better methods you can share with your other half to help him do the same (even if it's just through your example).

Every potentially helpful resource for either of you can be of help for both of you, even in a small way, especially when you are commited to one another.

That is very true, thank you for your reply....I guess because I haven't see what he has or been through the things that caused his PTSD I feel like it shouldn't affect me in that way....I'm not really being very clear here...I hope you kind of know what I mean!

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, Pops, not to worry, I believe you are very clear.

But it's ok to give yourself permission for full and complete ackowledgement of your feelings at every turn, positive or negative.

As Anthony said in the previous post, "..traumas come in many many forms."

It took me about 12 years to consider (one of) the original "trauma(s)" actually even "as" a trauma- and boy did I lash out for the first few years, in particular - it wasn't prettty.

 

[Kunoichi]

Would it be wise to have my spouse sit through a therapy session with me, so that way he can understand what PTSD is?

Would this minimize the possibility of secondary PTSD?

 

[Pops]

Would it be wise to have my spouse sit through a therapy session with me, so that way he can understand what PTSD is?

Would this minimize the possibility of secondary PTSD?

I have sat through a few and it is very helpful on many fronts.

My partner is more than happy for me to choose if and when I do and on the occasions I am unable to or it is not an option, we talk as much or as little as he wants to about it.

If it is possible, and you both want to, I would say it is definately worth it.