Moonchild 72
New Here
I’ve been lurking here to help educate myself and to be able to help my vet boyfriend who is the sufferer. Like many other supporters here, I’ve found great comfort in knowing that I am not the only one going through this, and I’m hoping that other sufferers who have a pattern of isolating where they completely shut out their partners can chime in so that I can gain some perspective on this.
As for our background, I’ve known my bf for over 25 years. I hadn’t seen him in many years and then we reconnected and became involved romantically 1.5 yrs ago. Outside of him becoming periodically symptomatic isolating and triggering my own anxiety (I’ve been diagnosed with GAD) we’ve had a great relationship but we do not live together. He does get angered easily and expresses that to me although they are never things directed at me. He gets overwhelmed and will tell me when he’s “pissed off” about something but we’ve never had an argument. A few misunderstandings which I now in retrospect understand better was probably due to PTSD. He’s been open about his sleep issues, nightmares, flashbacks and has shared with me some of his trauma which he’s not shared with anyone else. We spend a lot of time together and have always been very respectful, loving and affectionate towards one another and have talked about having a future together and he tells me often that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. The VA tried to diagnose his PTSD years ago and although he acknowledges some of his symptoms, overall he is in denial and refuses to be “labeled” with a mental illness or seek treatment. (so frustrating for a supporter) In the course of our relationship this is probably his 5th Isolation and the longest. (they are usually a couple of days to just under 2 weeks an episode he had last January) Besides the length of this isolation, the difference is this is the first time I’ve put the pieces together and realized this may be PTSD, thus prompting me to educate myself. I feel horrible that I didn’t make the connection sooner because then I wouldn’t have taken the previous times as personall and would have handled things much differently. The last actual phone conversation we had was on Nov 16th where he told me about some stress he was having and that my voice calmed him as well as him not being able to sleep well without me and found himself reaching for me in the middle of the night. Said I love you and we hung up. After that phone call our communication slowed considerably, and his last text to me was on Thanksgiving telling me he felt like he was going through a depression, that he was sick with a cold, stressing about us, working a lot, needing time to himself and hasn’t felt like hanging out. He said he it had nothing to do with me, that he felt like he needed to get his s*** together. Apologized for not being able to spend it with me and my family, and that he would call the next day to talk (which he never did) I’ve been patient and supportive have sent 2 text messages to him checking in letting him know I had no expectation of a reply and that I’m here for him.
I can see when he is online through fb messenger which brings me comfort knowing he is alive (that’s messed up right??). I haven’t any idea where his headspace is at the moment. When I didn’t see him online for over 24 hours over the weekend. I sent a text asking him to just let me know if he’s ok which I got no reply. (He’s been back online since so I know he’s alive) I’m not saying he’s suicidal I just can't help but worry because I don’t know and because we haven’t communicated but that’s where my worry and anxiety takes me.
I’m hopeful that he will eventually reach out and come back around, but I struggle with each passing day waiting and I’ve just seeked therapy for myself to help with my anxiety over this.
I’ve mulled over all the threads about the Isolation and what the sufferers may be going through or thinking, however I’m still trying to gain more perspective on coming out of isolation.
I understand the overwhelm, that the survival instinct kicks in and the need to “run”, go numb or disassociate. However, is coming out of an isolation as abrupt as when it comes on? Does the brain suddenly come “back online” and proceed with business as usual? Previously he’s come back like nothing happened. I think it can be mind boggling to a supporter to not see the sufferer phased by their absence. If numbing, do feelings and emotions just come back? Do you remember that you were in this state? And is it a slow process until one day you get the urge to reach out again? Before the periods of Isolation I’ve felt very secure with my boyfriend and our communication was great, so I know he’s capable to some extent when not symptomatic. In my situation I fear my boyfriend may not truly understand what’s happening which is sad to me. I want to tread lightly and not overwhelm him when he pulls out of it and figure out how I can encourage him to get help. Any feedback is very appreciated.
As for our background, I’ve known my bf for over 25 years. I hadn’t seen him in many years and then we reconnected and became involved romantically 1.5 yrs ago. Outside of him becoming periodically symptomatic isolating and triggering my own anxiety (I’ve been diagnosed with GAD) we’ve had a great relationship but we do not live together. He does get angered easily and expresses that to me although they are never things directed at me. He gets overwhelmed and will tell me when he’s “pissed off” about something but we’ve never had an argument. A few misunderstandings which I now in retrospect understand better was probably due to PTSD. He’s been open about his sleep issues, nightmares, flashbacks and has shared with me some of his trauma which he’s not shared with anyone else. We spend a lot of time together and have always been very respectful, loving and affectionate towards one another and have talked about having a future together and he tells me often that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. The VA tried to diagnose his PTSD years ago and although he acknowledges some of his symptoms, overall he is in denial and refuses to be “labeled” with a mental illness or seek treatment. (so frustrating for a supporter) In the course of our relationship this is probably his 5th Isolation and the longest. (they are usually a couple of days to just under 2 weeks an episode he had last January) Besides the length of this isolation, the difference is this is the first time I’ve put the pieces together and realized this may be PTSD, thus prompting me to educate myself. I feel horrible that I didn’t make the connection sooner because then I wouldn’t have taken the previous times as personall and would have handled things much differently. The last actual phone conversation we had was on Nov 16th where he told me about some stress he was having and that my voice calmed him as well as him not being able to sleep well without me and found himself reaching for me in the middle of the night. Said I love you and we hung up. After that phone call our communication slowed considerably, and his last text to me was on Thanksgiving telling me he felt like he was going through a depression, that he was sick with a cold, stressing about us, working a lot, needing time to himself and hasn’t felt like hanging out. He said he it had nothing to do with me, that he felt like he needed to get his s*** together. Apologized for not being able to spend it with me and my family, and that he would call the next day to talk (which he never did) I’ve been patient and supportive have sent 2 text messages to him checking in letting him know I had no expectation of a reply and that I’m here for him.
I can see when he is online through fb messenger which brings me comfort knowing he is alive (that’s messed up right??). I haven’t any idea where his headspace is at the moment. When I didn’t see him online for over 24 hours over the weekend. I sent a text asking him to just let me know if he’s ok which I got no reply. (He’s been back online since so I know he’s alive) I’m not saying he’s suicidal I just can't help but worry because I don’t know and because we haven’t communicated but that’s where my worry and anxiety takes me.
I’m hopeful that he will eventually reach out and come back around, but I struggle with each passing day waiting and I’ve just seeked therapy for myself to help with my anxiety over this.
I’ve mulled over all the threads about the Isolation and what the sufferers may be going through or thinking, however I’m still trying to gain more perspective on coming out of isolation.
I understand the overwhelm, that the survival instinct kicks in and the need to “run”, go numb or disassociate. However, is coming out of an isolation as abrupt as when it comes on? Does the brain suddenly come “back online” and proceed with business as usual? Previously he’s come back like nothing happened. I think it can be mind boggling to a supporter to not see the sufferer phased by their absence. If numbing, do feelings and emotions just come back? Do you remember that you were in this state? And is it a slow process until one day you get the urge to reach out again? Before the periods of Isolation I’ve felt very secure with my boyfriend and our communication was great, so I know he’s capable to some extent when not symptomatic. In my situation I fear my boyfriend may not truly understand what’s happening which is sad to me. I want to tread lightly and not overwhelm him when he pulls out of it and figure out how I can encourage him to get help. Any feedback is very appreciated.
