My Healing Journey
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I had some seizures in my teenage years, they started around the time that I started remembering abuse I had blocked out in childhood..
When I was a younger child I remember being at a disco with strobes and told an adult I felt like I was dreaming and felt sick, they just patted me on the head and dismissed me. I also remember blinding headaches as a child like migraines. My mum doesn't recall these but she has blocked out most of my life with her so it's not suprising. Then when I was about 13 I was at a party and a strobe went on and my arm started jerking with same dream like state before and throughout.
Later on in my teens I had a time where I would convulse at the point of falling asleep, I even had 2 grand mal seizures where I lost consciousness and badly bit my tongue. I never had any brain scans or medication, I was told I would grow out of it.
The interesting thing that struck me as it being related to trauma is the rapid eye movement I would get before an episode, I knew when I was trying to get to sleep when it would happen as my eyes would flicker as they do in flashback. When I became less stressed they stopped. I would say stress was the trigger for these convulsions. I have noticed in last 2 years how my eye movements speed up when I am stressed/panicky and I am just starting EMDR as it seems logical the connections between rapid eye movements and processing trauma.
I haven't had a seizure for a good few years now, maybe it was a form of teenage epilepsy but I'm not sure. All I know is when I was sleep deprived or stressed they would come. They were real and I couldn't control my body when I was having them, very scary. It is worth noting that the first time was after taking ecstasy but many times was sober and the childhood occasions pre date any link to that. That is why I was never really assessed, they blamed it on drugs.
When I was a younger child I remember being at a disco with strobes and told an adult I felt like I was dreaming and felt sick, they just patted me on the head and dismissed me. I also remember blinding headaches as a child like migraines. My mum doesn't recall these but she has blocked out most of my life with her so it's not suprising. Then when I was about 13 I was at a party and a strobe went on and my arm started jerking with same dream like state before and throughout.
Later on in my teens I had a time where I would convulse at the point of falling asleep, I even had 2 grand mal seizures where I lost consciousness and badly bit my tongue. I never had any brain scans or medication, I was told I would grow out of it.
The interesting thing that struck me as it being related to trauma is the rapid eye movement I would get before an episode, I knew when I was trying to get to sleep when it would happen as my eyes would flicker as they do in flashback. When I became less stressed they stopped. I would say stress was the trigger for these convulsions. I have noticed in last 2 years how my eye movements speed up when I am stressed/panicky and I am just starting EMDR as it seems logical the connections between rapid eye movements and processing trauma.
I haven't had a seizure for a good few years now, maybe it was a form of teenage epilepsy but I'm not sure. All I know is when I was sleep deprived or stressed they would come. They were real and I couldn't control my body when I was having them, very scary. It is worth noting that the first time was after taking ecstasy but many times was sober and the childhood occasions pre date any link to that. That is why I was never really assessed, they blamed it on drugs.
