Leighlee87
Silver Member
My husband recently got an article from his own therapist to help explain the self-harm behaviors so he better understood me and why I do it. I'll link it here:
"What I had to do to survive" Self-Injurers' Bodily Emotion Work by Margaret Leaf and Douglas P. Schrock
Personally, it began as a way to visually see the pain that I was feeling on the inside--because it was so big and overwhelming and completely impossible to articulate. I didn't want anyone else to see it, but I needed something concrete for myself, since I didn't have words. It made real a pain that was invalidated by those around me, and too great to be understood by outsiders.
It completely distracts immediately and very powerfully. It's why I go to it so frequently. Other coping behaviors take a little bit to set in, but nothing is as strong or immediate as cutting. I use it because the emotional overwhelm comes on so quickly and feels so overwhelming, I'm desperate for an escape. I use it to dissociate (a lot of people use it for the opposite). It makes me feel really far away, calm, and kinda check out so to speak. A lot of that has to do with the chemical rush which also causes the addiction to a large extent.
Rationalizing? No. I think I'm beyond caring in that moment, I just need the pain to stop. I feel like I'm literally drowning, that I can't breath, that I'm going to break. I don't have the skills to cope with the intensity of emotions, don't know where to turn, and am so overwhelmed that I really can't think or process complex thoughts.
"What I had to do to survive" Self-Injurers' Bodily Emotion Work by Margaret Leaf and Douglas P. Schrock
Personally, it began as a way to visually see the pain that I was feeling on the inside--because it was so big and overwhelming and completely impossible to articulate. I didn't want anyone else to see it, but I needed something concrete for myself, since I didn't have words. It made real a pain that was invalidated by those around me, and too great to be understood by outsiders.
It completely distracts immediately and very powerfully. It's why I go to it so frequently. Other coping behaviors take a little bit to set in, but nothing is as strong or immediate as cutting. I use it because the emotional overwhelm comes on so quickly and feels so overwhelming, I'm desperate for an escape. I use it to dissociate (a lot of people use it for the opposite). It makes me feel really far away, calm, and kinda check out so to speak. A lot of that has to do with the chemical rush which also causes the addiction to a large extent.
Rationalizing? No. I think I'm beyond caring in that moment, I just need the pain to stop. I feel like I'm literally drowning, that I can't breath, that I'm going to break. I don't have the skills to cope with the intensity of emotions, don't know where to turn, and am so overwhelmed that I really can't think or process complex thoughts.
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