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Self-mutilation!!

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Tiger

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I don't know where to write this and don't know if I am even allowed to discuss it on any of the forums here because I don't want to upset or influence anyone!! I need to talk to someone, but I don't know who? I am very scared of doing something wrong and getting into trouble here!! This is a personal issue!! Any advice is welcome? Please, please, please forgive me for being so vague??
 
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I know that there have been posts by others about cutting. I don't know that any have been graphic descriptions. You can always ask the help desk area. I have (or parts of me) have struggled with cutting and scratching so feel free to private message me was well.
 
I have also hurt myself in very bad ways so if there are ways I can offer support just let me know. It's hard to talk about that stuff but knowing people are out there is helpful.
 
You can post about it. I don't think there are any rules against it other than don't be threatening to harm yourself at the time (in the post). Discussion about the issue is fine though. I had my first relapse in over 6 months last night. I'm just glad that it doesn't show. (I don't cut or burn anymore, I hit myself.) I think that if it did, I'd be beating myself up for it right now as its still not cold weather clothing time. Urgh.
 
I don't know where to write this and don't know if I am even allowed to discuss it on any of the forums here
There are other threads on cutting and self-harm; as others have said above, it's OK to post about it. I've moved your thread into Other Symptoms and Disorders because it's more appropriate.

I've had problems with this in a number of different ways; you're welcome to message me about it anytime.
 
I have made things 10 times worse for me by doing this to myself!! (If it's possible?) My brain is working overtime!! It felt like the right thing to do to relieve some of my guilt, but now I hurt inside and out and there's no escaping from any of it!! It's all there!!
 
@Tiger, it sounds like you are still feeling self-harm urges.

Yes, it often (always?) feels worse after the initial relief of cutting. But just because it feels worse, don't think that it's all over and unfixable. That's like eating one crisp, thinking you've blown your plans to eat well, and then binging on anything you can get your hands on.

One mistake doesn't mean YOU are a mistake.

Have you ever tried taking a cold shower, or putting your head under cold running water? That's what helps me the most. Also, holding onto an ice cube.

Can you try one of those things to combat the urges?
 
I've tried all sorts of techniques to divert my urge to harm myself including holding ice cubes, but what I did to myself yesterday has taken me onto a whole new level now!! I have never even imagined doing it before and I didn't think I would be capable of what I did either!! All the other injuries I have inflicted on myself seem insignificant to me right now!! I don't want to be a female anymore, I don't want to be male, I feel like I am an 'It' I feel disgusting!! Many years ago I did have a discussion about how I felt about this body, but the Psych doctor said I was not old enough to make a decision about that and now I don't have many choices about it because of the my age and mental instability!! Maybe it's my brain that needs re-wiring? (Unfortunately, they haven't mastered that yet!!!)
 
but what I did to myself yesterday has taken me onto a whole new level now!! I have never even imagined doing it before and I didn't think I would be capable of what I did either!! All the other injuries I have inflicted on myself seem insignificant to me right now!! I don't want to be a female anymore, I don't want to be male, I feel like I am an 'It' I feel disgusting!!
I can't say I know exactly what you are talking about because it's a bit vague, but I know personally how self harm affects me on a day to day basis. I also can relate to doing things to myself that I never thought possible. I have hurt myself in such unimaginable ways that I couldn't look back and make sense of it.

I know my trauma made me think that I was insignificant to the point that nothing physically mattered on my body. I hated my body and still do in every way possible. It didn't matter male or female, I was disgusted with all sexual parts. I wanted nothing to do with any of it. I often thought of getting rid of anything sexual in nature. Anyway, the struggle is constant. I trust noone. I have done more damage to my body than anyone could imagine...broken bones numerous unimaginable scars, horrendous amounts of pain...just to keep everything the way I believe they should be. I'm sorry you are feeling so badly too. Believe me I can relate and so many people here can as well. I just hope you can find a way out.
 
What diversion techniques are you trying (apart from ice)? Also what do you use to cut yourself? I am a recovered self harmer and this is some advice I can give, althought everybody is different so I hope this helps:
Remove objects you use for cutting e.g. Razor blazes, and dispose of them. If you can't get rid of the object, then remove it from the room you self harm in or if you live with others give them the object to put away somewhere where you can't find it
Draw red lines with a thin red marker on where you self harm when you get the urge to self harm
If you enjoy something calm e.g drawing, painting, poetry etc. When you feel low or the urge to self harm, express yourself artistically or begin your activity (if its not artistic)
Contact a trusted friend, a charity or walk in A&E. I know A&E sounds extreme but it can actually make you realise the reality and how serious the self harming is becoming
Go A&E or to a doctor after you've self harmed. They could assess you and should refer you to support you need

The last time I self harmed I took myself to the hospital. I had a mixed reactions from the staff; sympathetic, a psychologist who thought she could cure everything by coming out with ridiculous comments and judgemental ones. But this was a great step for me to realising how serious it was and reaching out because my self harming got quite serious; I was drawing pictures with razor blades into my thighs and losing touch with reality whilst doing it.
I hope this helps, if it's not things you'd like to try, message me and I'll give you some alternative ideas which I didn't try but I've been advised by a therapist work
 
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