Separation Anxiety involving therapist

[Skywatcher]

Separation Anxiety and Abandonment are closely related, according to what I have read. I’ve been intensely reading about separation anxiety due to my therapist leaving on vacation soon. Last year this turned into a disaster. This year, my relationship with her is much more secure and we are preparing, but the nightmares have begun. They follow two themes. 1. Family or me specifically in danger and 2. Performance disasters. I’ve also been experience intense anxiety, heart racing and my body going ice cold when I’m alone in bed at night.

Do you have a secure relationship with your T and freak out when she leaves town? How do you handle it? (Email/phone/text is not an option)

 

[Teamwork]

It took me a long time to get to a place where he can go and I have issues with it but also larger amounts of acceptance. He once said that he comes back refreshed, ready to go again and that helped me a lot. He is very invested in me so I can see that now and recognize that I’d rather he be refreshed than burnt out. I know how long it will be. Right now it is 25 days, yes I count. And I can count on him coming back. Secondly I got to a place where I realized I need a break too. What we do together is intense and draining. Time away means practicing what resources I do have and not focusing too much on his absence but what I learned in his presence. Our last session he was super compassionate about some things and I seem to be able to hold on to it for now.

 

[grit]

You have secure relationship with your t but you did not experience secure relationship at minimum between 6 months to 18 months (there is a developmental phase where we as babies learn the parents are not gone for good and will come back and if that phase is interfered with trauma the consequences are grave). So in all fairness, you are experiencing what happened then transfer red to your therapist.
Until you process that experience in this relation, you may carry on always loosing ground every time the T leaves vacation or worse therapy terminates.
The question is how does your T deals bwith this with you since you are so obviously awaare of?

 

[Skywatcher]

I think that I’m

You have secure relationship with your t but you did not experience secure relationship at minimum between 6 months to 18 months (there is a developmental phase where we as babies learn the parents are not gone for good and will come back and if that phase is interfered with trauma the consequences are grave). So in all fairness, you are experiencing what happened then transfer red to your therapist.
Until you process that experience in this relation, you may carry on always loosing ground every time the T leaves vacation or worse therapy terminates.
The question is how does your T deals bwith this with you since you are so obviously awaare of?

She knows the reaction is young. We are doing some prep stuff, like a recording of her voice, hand written note, a little soft thing to hold onto. We have also spent much of the year working on me taking care of my younger parts. I can do it sometimes. We have done emdr and Hugged them in.” It is just weird because even with all of this work, I’m still getting the physical reactions, My p-doc wants me to up my dose. I just really want to get over this. I want her to enjoy her trip and relax. I really care for her to have that and she needs it. I just wish the fear would go away.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Similar things going on in my head, @Skywatcher . I never developed dependence on anyone.....yea till T. For a couple of reasons, I'm taking a T break.....really hard, and parts of me want to go back NOW. But each day is getting better.....you might take control and tell your T you are taking a X period of time break and go try something you've wanted to do....anything new......I went car camping for a couple of days, and did photography, (getting out in nature was a good thing-kept my younger parts busy and had fun) the first time I took a month long T break-I still thought about her but taking a break is empowering.....it gives little parts a T break, too.

 

[hithere]

I do believe what grit says is true. Really sorry you're experiencing this awful condition. However, separation can be a really, really good thing, too. Try finding something you really, really like to do and concentrate on that. Tell your therapist about all the good things you did while they were gone when you have your session upon return. You can feel connected this way, like being on a trip and saving up memories to share with your therapist when you get back--good memories instead of bad ones.

One thing that really, really helped me during a separation from a therapist was when the therapist gave me something from his office and told me to bring it back when the break was over. That was the best "calming" experience and separation experience from a therapist that I ever had.

 

[grit]

I am so happy you are deeply exploring this with your therapist. I am curious to know what you think the healing will look like. I also went through this experience and learned a lot experientially. It is a horrific almost death like experience for a child and I am really sorry you had to endure that as an infant and still pay the price as an adult.

 

[Skywatcher]

I am so happy you are deeply exploring this with your therapist. I am curious to know what you think the healing will look like. I also went through this experience and learned a lot experientially. It is a horrific almost death like experience for a child and I am really sorry you had to endure that as an infant and still pay the price as an adult.

I’m at a point in my therapy that I know I will be on my own some day, but she is the type to have clients come back for quarterly “check in’s” and I think I’ll be one of those, but you never know. I can’t think beyond that. When I tell her about good days that feel like I don’t have ptsd, she tells me that she wants me to experience many more of those, but what she really wants is for me to have amazingly great days. I would love to believe that to be possible. That is what I’m hoping to get to some day.

 

[sunshinedaydream]

I think that I’m


She knows the reaction is young. We are doing some prep stuff, like a recording of her voice, hand written note, a little soft thing to hold onto. We have also spent much of the year working on me taking care of my younger parts. I can do it sometimes. We have done emdr and Hugged them in.” It is just weird because even with all of this work, I’m still getting the physical reactions, My p-doc wants me to up my dose. I just really want to get over this. I want her to enjoy her trip and relax. I really care for her to have that and she needs it. I just wish the fear would go away.

I have some similar but different issues. I am finding that a looping audio of my T breathing and grounding exercieses really is helping me. I have physical reactions and fear too, but I'm finding that if I listen to the audio of the relaxation exercises, I can use it to build some kind of object permanence. For me it's not so much that they aren't absent, it's that I fear they are going to hurt me or tell my abusers I told them things. I know it's not true, but when T is away, (even in between sessions), it seems like I easily forget what they are like and that they would never do that. So the audio seems to help me remember what they are really like, and because the audio sounds kind, and sounds like he wouldn't want me to be hurt, I can make it remind me that thigns are ok.

I know that's totally different issue.. It took a while for me to get the audio to have that stronger effect, and I had to really loop it while was sleeping for a few nights while going to sleep.

 

[grit]

May I recommend you use different pronouns when you are speaking about you and your inner workings. Language is strong vehicle for healing. See if you can separate you, your adult feelings, your child memory feeling and your T feelings toward each of you. By separating all this is your first start attempting to separate your autonomy and boundary from the T. Do it safely and even ask ur T to assist separating....so your adult side can gain strength in allowing your childhood memories to arrive and hold with the therapist. It is complicated process but you are struggling with it consciouly and I really feel you want to find your identity in all of this.

 

[Skywatcher]

@sunshinedaydream I do have one part that I’m a bit worried about. I refer to her as my “rejection” part. She has caused the most damage in past times that my T was away or times that I felt ignored or invalidated by T and others. I’ll be working on her this week.

 

[grit]

I just want to share this PDF. I hope it helps you.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sou...FjAOegQICRAB&usg=AOvVaw2AGtr2RdynAYEpVSFZqcGd