Severe Hyperventilation

[Ellie]

Today I'm having the most sucky day.

It was my fault really, because I went to bed late last night and then had to be up this morning to look after my daughter. And PTSD and not sleeping is not a good mix, as I'm sure you're all aware of!!

At the moment my anxiety is at an all time high. I have some weird issue with my breathing since last year, whereby I just can't seem to catch my breath. Its horrendous, and at the moment its continuous. All day. Every day. It comes crashing in each morning after I wake up, and destroys my day, day after day. But today was just awful. I could not catch my breath, to the point that right now I'm a shrivelling mess balled up in our office typing this thing whilst my husband puts our daughter to bed.

I feel ridiculous. I don't even know if this is a PTSD thing or whether its just an unfortunate side effect of being constantly anxious... but it's as debilitating as the PTSD...

I end up in cycles of PTSD flashbacks which turn into bad breathing cycles which then trigger off more anxiety... ending up in waves of shitty panic.


Right now I'm just so darn pissed off with the whole thing I've so had it today.

Crappy 3 weeks whilst my councillor is on holiday, followed by my dad coming to stay with us to help me through this bad patch, which helped things somewhat, but now today its like everything is worse than its ever been.

And somehow I've got to keep with it enough to continue to be present for my daughter... and I have a new job lecturing starting in 1 week's time. I feel like how on earth am I going to do this frigging job when I'm such a mess right now?! Honestly, today I just feel so out of it I feel like I should be in a mental asylum. I feel utterly broken. I know this is a really bad chain of thought I've gotten myself into today but I feel so down about everything at the minute.

MASSIVE rant sorry.

And I can hear my little girl in the next room pretending to be a butterfly. She's such a light. I just know somehow I have to make it through this mess that is in my head right now and keep being there for her.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I hear you loud and clear! Having a pretty sucky day myself.

When you're in this condition, can you look around and find something to stable to watch? Outside the window? Some music to put on? On the internet, are there any pics you can look at that are quiet? What type of things do you find relaxing - if you had the time to just sit and think? Look them up.

A technique I've learned is to get a straw and slowly breathe through it. Regular breaths. Not fast and hard. Do you have one nearby? I know it sounds silly, but it really does help me a lot.

You said you can hear your daughter pretending to be a butterfly. What type of butterflies does she like? What do they look like? Colours?

Does your Dad know you're in this condition? Your husband? Are either of them a comfort to you? Would it help to have one come in and just sit with you?

 

[Deleted member 34328]

It was my fault really, because I went to bed late last night and then had to be up this morning to look after my daughter.

Sorry, something else... IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!! You're taking care of your daughter! That's a special bonding time! Never allow yourself to believe that. That's a lie!

 

[Mim28]

Some good advice being given I see. I agree, not your fault. This happens to me and I literally have to force my breathe in slowing and really push down into my diaphragm. The farther out the belly pushes the better. I have to do it slowly and consciously and continuously. Your body is just reacting to what your mind is telling it. Thank your mind for trying to save you and focus on your breathing if you can. It doesn't always work for me but it does more often than not and it doesn't hurt to try. I hope you are feeling better real soon. I'm glad you have a little butterfly!! Having them to focus on can help, but it is tiring. You will be okay :)

 

[Ellie]

I hear you loud and clear! Having a pretty sucky day myself.

When you're in this condition, can you l...

Thank you so much, that was so helpful!

I also ended up talking to my dad.

It's amazing how supportive people are on here.

So sorry to hear you're having a rubbish day too. Here's to a better day tomorrow :)

 

[Ellie]

Some good advice being given I see. I agree, not your fault. This happens to me and I literally have t...

Thank you. I'm feeling better than I was earlier. Overwhelmed by the support on here.

 

[Mim28]

Thank you. I'm feeling better than I was earlier. Overwhelmed by the support on here.

People here are awesome! They've helped me so much!

 

[void]

Dear @Ellie, :)

you are engaging in self-condemnation/judgment(common in PTSD)

this is an opportunity to try self-acceptance instead

Say "This is what my body/mind does, when I am.................. stressed or afraid or upset or whatever"

Repeat it over and over until u believe it.:happy:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know this is REALLY hard and that you are suffering a lot.:hug:

That phrase helped me.....may it help you.:hug:

 

[Deleted member 34328]

It's true. Our minds tell us all kinds of lies. Things that people on this forum get. Your thinking is distorted, but hey! Look what you're dealing with!!! It's pretty hard to see the glass half full rather than half empty a lot of the time. 90% of people don't get that.

So glad you're doing better. I've been thinking of you most of the day. Yeah, mine sucks - but we all have those days. Thank goodness for the butterflies in our worlds in whatever shape or form they come in. Mine are pretty similar to yours.