Sex Offender As Therapist?!

[Gs172003]

I wish I had better words than 'I'm sorry.'

Maybe if yelling at her isn't a choice you want to make, th...

A mom shaped piñata? I wish I had something I could tell you as I have alot of the same feelings I don't know what to do with. I'm sorry.

 

[Gs172003]

I know how this feels. My dad & mom both thinks my brother is god. My dad literally worship...

What is it with families and sons?

 

[Silver.]

I grew up knowing I wasn't wanted and that each of my parents had a favorite sister, which was not Silver.
Honestly? Her dying isn't going to make those feelings go away, because it's been 20 years and I still carry around the pain of it.
But if you are able, minimize your contact with her. Make life about you and create your own family, because blood does not a family make. *hugs*

 

[Abstract]

I am so very sorry. As if it isn't enough that you know your brother has done this when you have your own history. I can see how all of these things and your mothers reaction must intensify so many feelings to do with your own trauma history.

A cousin and aunt have a very similar story going on and the best I can come to watching it from a bit of a distance is that I wonder if some of it is a type of twisted guilt when the child they are enabling and protecting is totally out of control. My cousin sexually abused his sister, had various domestic abuse with weapons etc and all with multiple people but my aunt jeopardises all the relationships with her other children and husband to enable him.

It can't be about you you see. You obviously care and respect other people. You are intelligent and insightful. Your brother is quite obviously not all these things. This isn't about you and is about her. But I know that likely won't help at all. Just please try not to take ownership of her behaviour if you possibly can. She may even think you are less of a problem so don't need the care in the same way. Sometimes we have no choice but to mourn the loss of the parenting we don't get. The parents we don't have.

I am so impressed by all you have done about the situation with your brother. It must have taken great courage.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think that creating your own adult life seperate from your mom and your brother would be a great gift you can give to yourself and cut out the drama entirely. I understand how hard this is to do yet it does help to heal the inner wounds that do leave scars on your heart.

I do not remember who said it but a mom shaped pinota would be brilliant to get it out of you.:hug:

 

[Gs172003]

How to make a piñata - Piñata Boy

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

But perhaps there is a middle ground?

I'm trying to find the middle ground. Yelling at her seems wrong (after all, it seems she doesn't know any better) and won't help any how. But, by sucking it up, I feel depressed. There's no place for the feelings to go.

I have had several Suicide attempts because of my family and many, MANY, more "almost" attempts where I had 300 pills in my hand about the take them. It affects me still but not near as much.

Yes, I was like that, too. Not any more, but it still hurts.

A mom shaped piñata?

:)

Her dying isn't going to make those feelings go away, because it's been 20 years and I still carry around the pain of it.

It's really more about escaping her. You see, my pain is not just based in the past, but rather in the present, also. If she were gone this would be all over.

But if you are able, minimize your contact with her.

Yes, I've done that. She lives far far away and we never see each other. We rarely speak on the phone. We have no intention of visiting each other.

I think it's worse now because Christmas is coming. I really can't afford to send her a gift and yet I will feel guilty if I don't. The whole gift-giving bit keeps her on my mind.

She may even think you are less of a problem so don't need the care in the same way.

Yes, she's always hinted that.

creating your own adult life seperate from your mom and your brother would be a great gift you can give to yourself and cut out the drama entirely.

Well, but I have my own life. She and my brother live on one coast while I live in the other. She knows very little about my life. She knows about my studies, for instance, but she doesn't even know which college I attend. And I am financially independent, have been for some thirty + years.

So, there's plenty of distance.

I really don't want any contact. In many ways, life was better during the twenty years of parentectomy.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

@Zoogal

Thanks for the link!!

 

[Gs172003]

@Zoogal

Thanks for the link!!

Lol you're welcome. Even if you don't make a mom shaped one you can make a neutral shaped one and put candy in it and beat the tar out of it until the candy comes out. .and who doesn't like candy? ;)

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Even if you don't make a mom shaped one you can make a neutral shaped one and put candy in it and beat the tar out of it until the candy comes out.

Sounds good!!!

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Thank you all for your input.

I'm doing better. I've decided I need to put even more emotional distance between my mother and myself.

I think I will send her a modest Christmas present, but I'm not going to invest myse!f in the process.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

A dear online friend suggested I use a pair of 'scissors' to cut my emotional ties with her. I'm going to do it!