Sex, Sexuality And Intimacy

[lonelyred]

Hey all,

I wanted to post this because I find it interesting, I'm not seeking to judge anyone, or pry into anyone's private lives but there are a few questions that often run around inside my head, of the "chicken and egg" persuasion -

So my question is this - for those of you that are willing to share, do you think your sexuality and/or gender identity was a factor that was influenced by your abuse or was present before the abuse took place? and if you feel it was present before the abuse, do you think there is a connection to being, we'll say 'alternative' that made you the object of someones perversions?

** Here is my answer - My earliest memory, before anything else, before the abuse was of being different to the other girls my age, I think my difference made me a target in my abuse, but I also think that my perception and expression of gender and sexuality was affected by the abuse. I don't think my sexuality or rather attraction was affected by abuse, as I had always felt that I wasn't heterosexual but maybe pansexual, I was able to look past social constructs of gender and see a person for themselves. But I do think that my asexual nature and trust issues around intimacy, including body image were negatively affected by the abuse.

Anyway, that's enough long philosophical questioning for one day, thanks for taking the time to read, and to those who feel inclined to answer.

~ <3 Sarah

 

[endlessocean]

Hello,
I cannot say that I had a different sexual orientation, but I can say that I felt vulnerable and different then. I do think that predators can pick out those who feel "different" in some way, and that they can use that to keep the victim quiet and compliant. I have read this fact in articles as well.
Take care!

 

[poison_ivy89]

I've always been different being brought up in the situation I was in.
It had both taught me positive and negative sides of loving people for who they are no matter what gender.

I have had female partners in the past but never regarded them as"different".
This is what I was taught at a very early age, however I did not think it was unusual at all, instead I thought others aught to do the same.

I've always been a very sexual being even from the age of 7/8 and I agree that this may have triggered a sexual predators senses towards me as I was so open minded as a child.

I've never felt unsure body wise nor sexually, I'd say I was quite advanced compared to others which may also be a factor of the abuse I suffered.but never did I lead anyone on as a child,I wouldn't know how to.

This is a very good question you asked and I'm glad you did, it made me think a little deeper about the how and why of things.

Xxx

 

[endlessocean]

Also, therapists often use the term "grooming" to describe the process that a predator uses to make a victim compliant. They are often very patient, and choose children and other victims with great care. They choose victims they think they can control. Factors they look fro are single parents, signs of prior abuse, quiet/shyness, and others. The perpetrators themselves are more likely to agree that victims were carefully chosen than members of the general public, who do not understand the process.

 

[lonelyred]

Thank you everyone for responding, I find this to be a really interesting topic, and wondered if anyone else felt similar to me, I have come to know many people within my local communities and queer friends that have had a history of being abused, and wondered if it was a local thing or around the world