Sex With Therapist

[Ginan]

Here is your TMI report for the day: to recap, Thursday morning I went in and told off my therapist, I sat in the taller(more dominant) chair this time and was very direct telling him he should have closed the door to sex and he was not clear and I felt gaslit and unsupported, etc. That afternoon I suddenly had an abrupt change to dominant sexual fantasies for my therapist, I thought because I was so angry with him, but this has translated a major shift in my marriage now, too. For 15 yrs I have never been able to physically initiate sex with my husband. I will mention I want sex to him and then wait for him to initiate because I'm so disgusted and repulsed if I have to be sexually aggressive.

Twice since Thursday I've been able to be all over my husband with absolute reckless abandon. I almost want to control him sexually a bit but mostly it feels like the shackles are off and I can do things that feel dominant (or submissive) and have no angst about it. We always had great sex before but I HAD to let him be in dominant positions. All sexual acts from me had to be submissive or I couldn't do it. Now that we can both take turns in dominant positions is absolutely a remarkable change for me/us. I don't mean this in a BDSM way. I mean dominant in the vanilla sex way.

Anyways, thank you to anyone still reading this thread, your posts have dramatically improved my sex life! Ha. Who would have thought. I've always thought that because I enjoyed sex I didn't have sexual hang ups but I feel so free now that I realize I had kept myself in chains for years. What an immense relief.

 

[Hiwov]

Wow, great work!!!

 

[Jedoc]

$325 an hour

that's what mine charges and he isn't that good.

 

[Tuve]

The OP said: "I emailed him and told him that "at times I'm convinced you would have sex with me if I allowed that to h...

May I ask how someone "breaks" their obsessive compulsive thoughts over their therapist? I need to know how to do that. How does one stop the obsessing?

 

[Fuhikum]

I was just asked my opinion about a psychologist who has a program he calls ""Male Muse". He give guys them the option to do their sessions in the underwear; at the same time defining their ability to heal with their ability to be "vulnerable".

Here is a quote from the message I got about it. "a psychologist paying men to have private sessions with him and telling them to bring a shirt, shorts and underwear. They had to send their photos and life descriptions in to be selected, and their continued participation is - as I understand it, partly based on how "vulnerable" they are willing to be (will they choose underwear)."

This sounds very off to me and I thought it would be a good addition to this discussion. Opinions appreciated.

 

[Ginan]

I was just asked my opinion about a psychologist who has a program he calls ""Male Muse". He give guys them the optio...

That's funny. That is very risky business. It must be a joke or something for a college age study, right?

 

[Ginan]

May I ask how someone "breaks" their obsessive compulsive thoughts over their therapist? I need to know how to do that. H...

The times I have broken this habit are from perpetually not getting needs met. It seems to help me when I realize this is going no where. I have gone back to the obsessive loop again and again though so clearly I haven't figured it out.

 

[Cipem]

Reality checking worked for me... the shrink is providing a service (ref to the above post and quote) nothing more... for me to spin it as anything other than a for payment service was a questionable perception that was inhibiting my progress and my service provider. (Yeah I am reality based)

 

[Asapaj]

Thursday morning I went in and told off my therapist, I sat in the taller(more dominant) chair this time and was very direct telling him he should have closed the door to sex and he was not clear and I felt gaslit and unsupported, etc.

What did he say?

 

[Fijugah]

That's funny. That is very risky business. It must be a joke or something for a college age study, right?

I am told he has an office here in town. Still trying to find out more.

 

[Ginan]

It was kind of funny actually, I was so upset, but I was together, firm, and made lots of direct eye contact and was adamant he hasn't been clear enough about sexual boundaries and he just kept saying "Ive always been clear." I kept insisting it wasn't clear to me! I eventually told him, "you need to see a therapist!"
...I was a little out of line I suppose.

After doing more reading I've found lots of articles for therapists about how to deal with a dissociative clients because it appears this accusing, arguing type of relationship can develop. I think he's been vague about his boundaries in the same way he is vague about his care for me. It drives me crazy but apparently this is considered therapeutic. Now I'm questioning myself again. Maybe this dissociation is giving me the wrong perception of him. I would love to take him to "couples couseling." An outside opinion on our interactions would be so helpful.

 

[Ginan]

I phrased that post as though I'm still seeing him but that isn't correct. I just assume I will go back at some point after seeing the new therapist for a while to help me understand what's been going on.