I loose track of time, events, conversations, and most importantly, who I am. And I won't make it through this post without going away. Throughout my entire life I've been many different kinds of people, just to fit in, just to get by, to survive I guess. Sometimes it works. For awhile. I once thought, I'm cured. But, with some of my dx and now with the newer and most powerful one of DID, we fall again. This time hard. And its bad. And our body moves through the day but our mind is somewhere else. And its the loneliest place we've ever been.
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Shame sums it up
- Post starter Punky143
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theshadowoftheliving
Diamond Member
I'm sorry, @Punky143. I don't have the same DX (yet at least) but I so thoroughly relate to the emptiness and confusion of having been different people in different places and times to fit in and make people happy.
What do YOU need to get through this?
What do YOU need to get through this?
BlueOrange
Diamond Member
I found it really stressful when my diagnosis was revised to DID. It really challenged my manufactured identity of 'person who is actually just fine, thankyouverymuch'.
There are several folks here with a DID diagnosis, and you (none of you) are not alone.
You don't have to be one person to be OK. If you can cooperate with yourselves, that's good enough.
There are several folks here with a DID diagnosis, and you (none of you) are not alone.
You don't have to be one person to be OK. If you can cooperate with yourselves, that's good enough.
- Post starter
- #4
We don't cooperate with "ourselves" at all. We thought we had a caring one but it didn't work out.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and "they" haven't woken up yet. I get this hope that, maybe this isn't really happening, or maybe at least they won't be around today. I only have about 15 min of relief a day, then their awake. I've lost the ability to "hide" others from the outside world despite trying to keep them from talking out loud. Certain situations trigger more than ever lately but can't be avoided either. It now is causing us to go in a tailspin so bad, with fear dominating and we leave work. We're avoiding public places, people, and find no pleasure in anything and if we do, its short lived and forgotten. The amnesia is getting worse and with that shame and embarrassment. Its as if my biggest accomplishment now is, to remember something. This is opposite from the person of the past. We find it impossible to disclose who we are to any other healthcare providers other than our T because even we don't know what's going on. Plus, in the past when we diagnosed with Borderline Personality d/o along with more, it drastically changed the way I was looked at as a patient/person. I vowed never to do that again. We don't see these people often, we don't know them. So, why would we disclose such personal info to them. We're in our own world all the time but what's getting worse is when my eyes are going one way but my body feels like its in another. The "skills" calls to my T are also a requirement in between sessions but based on history, its a sigh of slippery slop ahead. I'm scared.and dont see that I will ever be able to be helped...
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and "they" haven't woken up yet. I get this hope that, maybe this isn't really happening, or maybe at least they won't be around today. I only have about 15 min of relief a day, then their awake. I've lost the ability to "hide" others from the outside world despite trying to keep them from talking out loud. Certain situations trigger more than ever lately but can't be avoided either. It now is causing us to go in a tailspin so bad, with fear dominating and we leave work. We're avoiding public places, people, and find no pleasure in anything and if we do, its short lived and forgotten. The amnesia is getting worse and with that shame and embarrassment. Its as if my biggest accomplishment now is, to remember something. This is opposite from the person of the past. We find it impossible to disclose who we are to any other healthcare providers other than our T because even we don't know what's going on. Plus, in the past when we diagnosed with Borderline Personality d/o along with more, it drastically changed the way I was looked at as a patient/person. I vowed never to do that again. We don't see these people often, we don't know them. So, why would we disclose such personal info to them. We're in our own world all the time but what's getting worse is when my eyes are going one way but my body feels like its in another. The "skills" calls to my T are also a requirement in between sessions but based on history, its a sigh of slippery slop ahead. I'm scared.and dont see that I will ever be able to be helped...
BlueOrange
Diamond Member
It's hard.
I've negotiated many peace treaties with myself over the years. The first one was especially difficult, because I'd never done it before.
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot.
I've negotiated many peace treaties with myself over the years. The first one was especially difficult, because I'd never done it before.
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot.
pixel
Gold Member
why do you perceive DID as 'powerful'?
- Post starter
- #7
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