Medical Shock And Grief - Grandfather Diagnosed With Cancer

[Smitty237]

I received word last night that my grandfather has been diagnosed with cancer and has been hiding it from us for awhile. It sounds pretty serious, he suffers from PTSD himself and deals with alcoholism, an ex military man he does not like to share his feelings or disclose personal details like this. His girlfriend recently waited until he was asleep and phoned my grandmother to tell her to inform us of how sick he is. This man raised me and has been a huge role in my life, he is involved in some of my childhood trauma abusing my grandmother due to his alcohol use etc. He doesn't know I also suffer from PTSD, anyways I am rambling.

I fully intend to go and see my psychiatrist next week but right now I am honestly confused in my emotions. When I learned the news apparently all the colour drained from my face and I felt like I could cry initially but we had company so I shoved my emotions away because well I am good at that. Now I feel numb and sick to my stomach. I can't eat, sleeping is just not an option and yet I'm tired. I guess I want to know if this is a normal reaction and how bad is it going to affect my own PTSD?

And no worries aside from therapy next week I am distracting myself, going outside, writing and forcing myself to do activities but this numbness and sick feeling is lingering. Therapy has taught me to push on and to feel my emotions and I suppose I will just keep trying in the meantime.

Thanks for the help and the insight.

 

[EveHarrington]

There’s really no way of determining just how bad this is going to affect your ptsd.

Everyone is different.

:hug:

 

[NightSky]

I lost my grandmother a few months ago and it was my first very close to me loss in adulthood- it has helped me see how effectively I compartmentalize. I told my t last session, in passing, that I can’t look at pictures of her and can’t talk about her- the instant she passes my mind I’m having to work hard not to cry, and I cannot believe she’s gone. The finality of it threw my world off kilter. And my t said she wants to work on that as I’m not really processing my grief. I just push it aside because it feels overwhelming, as all feelings do. I distracted myself for the week that she was dying in the hospital. But distraction just delays the process. It’s impossible to say how it will brush up against your ptsd symptoms. But I’d say do feel your feelings and know that as hard as they are, you WILL be okay.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hello @Smitty237 - I'm very sorry to hear about your grandfathers diagnosis. I think it is good that you have now found out. Even though your grandfather obviously didn't want relatives to know.

This man raised me and has been a huge role in my life, he is involved in some of my childhood trauma abusing my grandmother due to his alcohol use etc.

So, excuse me for asking but are you saying that despite the abuse he inflicted upon his wife, your grandmother that he had a positive effect on your life? Or, was it all negative? You don't need to answer but it would help to know.

If you still have positive and fond feelings towards your grandfather have you considered going to visit him? He's not dead yet. Though visiting him will never undo the abusive aspects of his behaviour, if there is anything that you would like to discuss with him, now is the time to do it.

I guess I want to know if this is a normal reaction and how bad is it going to affect my own PTSD?

It sounds like it may effect you quite deeply considering your initial reaction. If he has been a huge part of your life this is going to be a difficult time for you. I'm sorry.